This fantastic article was written by Sarah Biren, a baker, cook, author, and blogger living in Toronto. We encourage you to check out her website here!
There’re only three persons in your life that you fall in love with. You fall in love with each of them for a different reason.
Often our first is when we are young, in high school even. It’s the idealistic love—the one that seems like the fairy tales we read as children.
This is the love that appeals to what we should be doing for society’s sake—and probably our families. We enter into it with the belief that this will be our only love and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel quite right, or if we find ourselves having to swallow down our personal truths to make it work because deep down we believe that this is what love is supposed to be.
Because in this type of love, how others view us is more important than how we actually feel.
This one is a love that only looks right.
The Second Love
This time you fall in love, you become more aware of your needs and strengths. Throughout this romance, you may end up learning more about yourself than the person you are with. This relationship is also passionate and dramatic, yet you and your partner are both learning about true love and make many mistakes along the way.
This connection teaches you that love doesn’t mean you live happily ever after. You may experience pain and heartbreak from the partner’s dishonesty or inconsistency. You may forgive and make up again and again until you give up on the relationship entirely. This love ends in tears and heartache but you become stronger. You learn about what makes a person worthy of your trust — and your heart.
The Third Love
And the third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be. This is the love that comes so easy it doesn’t seem possible. It’s the kind where the connection can’t be explained and knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it.
This is the love where we come together with someone and it just fits—there aren’t any ideal expectations about how each person should be acting, nor is there pressure to become someone other than we are.
We are just simply accepted for who we are already—and it shakes to our core.
It isn’t what we envisioned our love would look like, nor does it abide by the rules that we had hoped to play it safe by. But still it shatters our preconceived notions and shows us that love doesn’t have to be how we thought in order to be true.
There’s no happily ever after, because you are happy being with the person everyday.
When Will the Third Love Come?
We all experience love differently at various points in our lives. We might repeat romance type one or two, falling into the same pitfalls every time before we grow and move on. We hope that the new relationship will be better without changing ourselves or our mindset as we enter it. Sometimes we meet the third love before we are ready and don’t develop the relationship until later.
Who’s the luckiest, the person who finds the right love immediately or the one who goes through all three phases? It’s hard to say, but those who do experience heartache can develop a stronger love in comparison to the past ones, and use their previous mistakes to better their relationship.
Some people stay stuck in the first or second type of love because on the surface it is appealing, and after a while, very familiar. They can get stuck in a rut of heartbreak. Yet there’s no luck in love, only choices. The way to find the right one is to grow from each experience, and learn from the mistakes to understand what you truly want out of love. It’s easy to blame the ex, but you chose that romance in the first place. You decide who the next love will be.
Sometimes we are afraid of the third love because it takes honesty, commitment, and hard work, three things never discussed in those rom-coms and chick-flicks. Yet those who found knows it is all worth it. You give yourself to the relationship, and your love gives everything back in return. This is the connection that lasts a lifetime.