So basically I'm in eating disorder treatment, like I was at a res hospital for 6 months because last year I decided to "cut" and went from 136 to 85lbs. I'm 5'4 F for reference. So I've been regaining and refeeding for 7 months now, I'm currently 115 and I want to maintain but I'm supposed to gain 10lbs to reach my gw.
I don't want to. I lowkey want to just drop out of treatment, currently at a php level of care. I've been working out in my room and doing 30+mins of cardio per day to try and maintain on my meal plan (It's a LOT of food). They're making me eat seed oils and shit food and I just want to eat chicken and rice and be healthy and lift again and maintain and get lean. My fizeek will be ruined.
Tldr; idk if I should dirty bulk and then cut again (safely) or what??? I'm not rlly allowed to choose most of my meals. Or should I just maintain and drop out of treatment? Help.