>colleagues start talking about fitness and dieting
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>colleagues start talking about fitness and dieting
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mogs colleagues with my knowledge and when someone disagrees i take off my shirt and challenge them to do the same.
>how to become a social pariah amongst your mediocre peers
You'll win the day anon, but they'll b***h and moan and do everything within their power to get you fired. Or, be so passive aggressive you'll want to quit.
just lmao them in the face and stop giving a frick
irl >post body
Post body here first bud
>needs to takeoff shirt
dyel
>claims to be knowledgeable and have excellent body
>doesn't post body
what did he mean by this?
If people can't tell you absolutely mog them with your shirt still on then you need to STFU and be humble little DYEL
> gets little power trip over flexing on some poor normie collegues
Small dick energy holy shit.
wheredoyouthinyouare.jpg
>Good morning anon, please sit down.
>Thanks, I'm fine.
>All right then. Do you know why you were called to my office today?
>Because people are jealous of my gains.
>No anon, it's because you keep taking off your shirt.
>As I said...
>That's sexual harassment, anon. We discussed this before. That was your one and only warning. Effective immediately, your employment is terminated.
>Oh yeah? *takes off shirt*
>SECURITY!
>THE GAINS WILL BRING THE PAINS! *gets tazed and dragged out*
Almost no security guards have tasers. If there is ever a real problem, security can usually not handle it. Security only convince compliant people to leave.
i just give bad advice on purpose. for the lulz.
That's what I wanna do when I get fit enough.
>6'2 165
Thanks mr skeltal
Same
>haha yeah I go to the gym now and again
>actually autisticlly track my macros everyday and go six times a week
Wii Sports and Zumba
I've said exactly that line so often
or swimming and some push-ups
works like a charm if you can present it correctly
even if it is obvious that it wasn't serious
That's the right move, brah. Always underplay your effort.
>IST start talking about fitness and dieting
true
>colleagues start talking about creatine and whey
>having lunch with colleagues
>eating my own food because I’m cutting
>colleagues start talking about my diet
>anon, are you on keto diet? you don’t seem to be eating carbs
>no I’m not eating a lot of fat either
>why not eat olive oil
>it’s the same amount of calories as sunflower oil or lard
>they start googling it
Normalgays are moronic.
>eats a moronic diet
>complains about normalgays
high protein diets are moronic?
found the 36 eggwhites/day guy
>work starts a 'fitness challenge'
>i max out all the possible challenges every day just living my normal life
>health psa says I need 15 minutes of physical activity daily for my health
>heh thanks just some pushups and a bit of cardio
>nah just try to eat healthy generally
problem solved, power level hidden
If you aren't a DYEL they'll know you're lying lol
>Implying a braindead npc knows anything about what it takes.
it doesn't matter
>it doesn't matter
>that face
why is the gigachad in the mirror one of the most strikingly terrifying things I have ever seen. the more you look at it the more unnerving at gets. anyone else noticed this?
Good thing that he's not real. It's photoshopped to hell. And wouldn't you believe that this character was made by a female photographer?
Yeah but that's the point of a power level cloak. Anyone in revealing your power levels and calling your bluff has to be high enough to do so, and it comes at the expense of revealing their own power levels.
Eternally based
>revealing their own power levels.
Revealing that they know pushups and cardio doesn’t get you a lifters body? Everybody gets that. Do you think normies missed the joke about Saitama’s pushups, situps, and 10k run? No. moron.
they probably thought the joke was that it was an inhuman task
normies think he was blessed with good genes and superpowers
>colleagues
go back
>Person asks for fitness advice
>They aren't actually asking for advice, they are just using it as a pretext to tell you all of their excuses
oh i fricking hate that one. 9/10 times too. its like if you're gonna cope, leave me out of it.
honestly every time it's
>me giving basic advice
"BUT I HAVE A BAD METABOLISM"
>well that doesn't change the laws of physics...
"BUT IT DOESNT WORK FOR ME"
at that point, I just hit them with the line "Ok, then why did you even ask me then?" At that point, some of them start to realize that they are just lying to themselves
Never give advice unless someone personally come to you for it.
I don't, these are cases of people coming to me for advice. and also the reason why I do not give out advice anymore even if people ask
Ah, i just tell people to walk 10min per day. Most of the shit is weight loss questions anyway.
I fricking hate that word ''metabolism''
it's a super fricking convenient excuse for some people
>can't gain weight
''yeah it's my fast metabolism''
>can't lose weight
''yeah it's my slow metabolism''
it's like some people have no responsibility when it comes to improving themselves
it's almost like astrology shit for some people
>...my thyroid issue...
This but when the elderly asian man who isnt UNLATCHING THE LEG PRESS MACHINE tells you hes been doing this exercise for years this way and you have no idea what youre talking about.
Meanwhile from across the gym you can hear BANG BANG BANG BANG from this dumb geezer slamming the machine up and down again
Oh man this one is too real
Why people think i give a shit about their excuses is beyond me
I love it because I have diabetes, hypothyroidism and low test yet im still fricking ripped.
the best part is when they have just self-diagnosed themselves with something they dont even have yet i actually have been medically diagnosed for everything and i was still able to lose fat and build muscle.
it's usually a complete conversation stopper because they cant bullshit themselves out of it. they cant say "oohh but you dont have this and that" when i actually have it way worse. yeah it could have been a frickload easier but it is what it is and people don't want to take personal accountability for their failure they rather look for excuses out of their control
comfy post
Don't blame me, I'm throwing off the coworkers from thinking i actually visit the gym by saying i always don't feel like working out and shit.
>Hey anon, you're a swole guy. You must know about these things
>Nah I only drink green juice and do zumba on the weekends
The worst part is that they believe me every single time
based, I hit them with the "Yea I do a few pushups before bed and take a walk around the block" my self
Based. I personally employ the "Me? Oh nothing special just yoga every now and then and maybe going for a bike ride if the weather's nice."
It's so funny watching them trying to process where all of the muscle mass comes from.
Post body please. I want to see what people believe is possible with yoga and riding a bike in nice weather.
You're a good man. Keep it up.
Based. Will use from now on. That's actually very ingenious.
>eating lunch, talking about the portion sizes at a place
>mention I've been trying to eat more recently
>younger colleage fricking WHIPS her head around to look at me, "ARE YOU BULKING? :)"
Fricking jumpscared me a bit
>be 6'4 240 lbs
>Make protein shake at work
>"Anon why do you need protein?"
you need to lose weight, and they're subtly telling you
Why would I want to look like a skeleton?
240 is barey out of dyel at 6'4.
lmao sure thing. same height as you.
i'm sure you have the same bf% as those 240lb NFL dyels right? you're fat.
im 6’3 and my last bulk was to 245 and i only got to 20% bodyfat. I wasn’t lean but i definitely did not look fat at 240 i get the majority of my compliments when i’m bulked up to that size as well. either you’re lying about your height or you’re dyel as frick and don’t understand how much muscle mass weighs
>didn't look fat
When are you going to stop making excuses and lose some fricking weight, fatass?
20% is not fat moron and i’ve already cut back down to 12% and i’m at 218lbs cope harder skelegay
>Only 20% bodyfat
O say can you seeee
god this place is so shit. 20% is literally the extreme upper bound for acceptable bf on a bulk
except anyone who claims 20 on here is invariably closer to 25 once they post body
Fatass
>I started keto and I've already lost 5 lbs in a week! my body is literally eating itself!
>I love leg day!
>I'm doing crunches to burn off that belly fat
>I'm doing crunches to burn off that belly fat
Technically not wrong.
>Bitchbreasts soiboi dyels join a gym and start spouting the biggest loads of horseshit I have heard because they keep doing listening to moronic youtube fake natty advice.
>Fat fricking nurgle worshippers with the shape of an apple try to lecture me about how fasting is suicide and how their """diet""" of eating a granola bar every 3 hours is healthy because they don't have to suffer too much hunger.
>Mog the flat-assed accounting b***hes with my muscular squat ass.
>Chestmog the malnourished HR hags
>Fat moron who can't do a single pullup because he "trains for size, not strength" says I couldn't lat pulldown as much as him. Tie a 45lbs water jug to my waist with a belt and do 7 pullups to mog him.
>Company joins a charity 5k. Every single fricking moronic motherfricker at the office all of who have less than five months at the gym doing some half-assed brosplit their equally moronic PT told them to do says that cardio kills gains. Mog them all with a mediocre 22min time when most didn't even finish.
Why the frick are people so goddamn moronic.
99% of the population has almost zero tolerance for discomfort or suffering from growing up in extreme comfort and luxury. Its the easiest way to tell an NPC from an actual soul having human.
>Brings a weight scale to the office
>Prints a table with our names and a row every week.
>Some people get their shit together and start dieting and walking gleefully writing down their name each week when the number goes down.
>Other fat fricks say their body is none of my business and that torturing myself with gym and a strict diet is way worse for my health than them gorging on goyslop and being so fricking weak that going up the stairs is enough to tire them.
>They start mocking me by ordering moronic amounts of goyslop and claiming they are bulking like me."Look, look I am bulking like anon" as they put another slice of pizza down their fricking gullet.
I wish I could be angry at them. I can't even bring myself to pity them.
I just tell them "You want it done or you want it easy?". Most subscribe to some moronic diet plan and pussy out once they don't see results in a week.
lmao this dude is getting bullied at work
Getting bullied for being in better shape isn’t even bullying, just take it as a compliment. When people start hating you know you are succeeding.
>When people start hating you know you are succeeding
‘Haters’ just see you as an easy target, hence why you get bullied.
lol sure. you saying that from personal experience? lmao
This is true but why did he start weighing his colleagues? That's kinda autstic
Are you serious? This is high school levels of pettiness.
can you lat pulldown as much as him?
>diet
>granola bar
Lmao these guys just crack me up. Muesli is food for people who do manual labor while walking around on the Alps all day. It's basically made with the intention of being as calorie dense as possible. And for some reasons morons in 2k19 + 3 think mixing muesli with sugar and roasting it in the oven, making it even more calorie dense in the process, is the ultimate weightloss food. Makes me lol every time.
>eat every 3 hours
>dont have to suffer too much hunger
oh el o el
>just drink a glass of water with a little drizzle of lemon juice
>it will spot reduce your belly fat
>fat frick circling around sweating trying to do 10k steps
>do 10k minimum most days without doing shit
what is wrong with fat people
they're fat
simple as
blech, sgustin
>>do 10k minimum most days without doing shit
No you dont
Unless you have a job like a warehouse, you need to put some effort and time into 10k steps.
It rack up that walking my dogs twice a day while otherwise being a sedentary piece of shit.
fat c**t detected. Go for a walk you fat c**t I don’t even have a dog
Do you roon or just walk? I have similar number of steps in past month but I spend 2 hours walking home almost every day. I wouldn’t spend so much time walking if I wasn’t fat frick.
Your chart is looking stonks. Congratulation anon
Gonna rugpull in another month or two when I start bulking.
Nice cope. Predators have to be faster to catch the prey. I hate running too though.
>Nice cope. Predators have to be faster to catch the prey.
nonce cope. Frick off diddler
I never run. Running is for cowards and prey
Not chasing the cardio bunnies around the park to make them feel like prey. NGMI
I can catch them at a walking pace as I am a male
What is this site/app you use?
How fricking lazy are you?
These threads that are posted all the time with the same topic and photo, is it the same guy posting them or what?
probably. there's only about 6 actual people here and them pretending to be other posters on their phone.
>colleagues start talking about walks
>look at me and ask if i ever do that
>give a wink and a nod and a fart
>now we watch sunsets together
I just go for a walk around the block.
and by the block I assume you mean
yo big ass head! this homie head so big people be walkin round it!
buuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrnnnn!
Gottem
>oh, olives have calories? I thought they were like pickles.
>Protein powder has so many calories! You'd think the unflavored kind would have basically zero calories.
This is from two different w*men. This is the tip of the iceberg. I am a personal trainer and I hear moronic shit like this every single day.
I had to tell a guy that drinking soda would not help him lose weight, regardless of caffeine content.
>women
The worst. Guess how long 2 female coworkers stuck to their "only soup and salad diet". Like they literally picked an olive garden menu item and decided it would fix them.
>fat guy starts lecturing about sugar and/or sodium
bro they're food experts
>asked to lift heavy item
>say I can't lift anything heavy because I only train for hypertrophy
>obese coworker talks about her diet and calories before guzzling her burger down with coke
>"haha good for you :)"
>complete dyel engages you into fitness conversation obviously fishing for compliments from the fitness guy
Yeah you're functional training really impresses me
>"yeah I'm starting to go the gym haha getting into the habit you know?"
>has been going for a year now but not proud of progress
>yeah I just swim at the YMCA every now and then when it's hot.
>"Me? Yeah I've been taking massive amounts of steroids for years. I work out 7 days a week for hours. I have a perfect diet. I can't remember the last time I had desert. I don't drink alcohol, smoke or do drugs. I also take 15 different supplements each day and have hired a person trainer and nutritionist"
>lifts casually 3-4 times a week, bouldering once and cardio once a week each with just a decent diet no supplements and no roids
>roommate wanted a ride to the ER at 4am this morning for chest pain so sleep ruined
>have to stay home and check up on him to make sure he doesnt die in his sleep or something so no gym today either
>ate greasy fricking taco bell in frustration from missing breakfast
Thanks for reading my blog post
Do push ups next to his bed.
>still work out a little
>eye kept on friend
>revenge for missing the gym
It was push day yesterday anon my pecs need to rest.
No but I found out this morning he takes SSRI's and I'm having trouble thinking about him the same way as a result.
He also wanted to get big like me (I'm only a beginner lifter but my success has been great these past couple months) and I'm realizing now the reason why he hasn't been going is because he's on motivation destroying medication.
He took the vaxx, didn’t he
>coworkers start talking about fitness
>specifically creatine
>instinctively start trolling them about creatine causing baldness
>but muh studies etc in retaliation, extreme seethe and cope
>they conclude im stupid and leave back to their desks
>wait a second
>but i was only pretending to be moronic...
>colleagues start talking about fitness
>ask about my routine and call me big
I love working with middle aged men.
>blob kween coworker
>gets a fitbit for "muh 10k steps" or whatever
>2 months later zero progress still a whale
>bitching about it at office
>"I am consistently over 10k steps but it's just not working!!"
>I ask her if she has been exercising or going for walks
>no
>I ask her if she has been eating less
>no
>it's morning
>she says she is over 3500 steps already
>I ask her if she went to the gym or went for a walk or something before work
>"no, I just woke up got ready and came in"
>turns out the early versions of shitbit tracked all her arm movements as steps, including driving and brushing her teeth
This b***h was so upset that her "do nothing and measure myself doing nothing" fitness plan didn't work, and was in utter despair that she would have to eat less and actually exercise
>colleges start talking about not eating carbs and "muh envioerment"
The environment is important bro. When that's gone, we're next.
pretty much just shallow smalltalk trying to tune out the cringe remarks
>be the only one in friend group that regularly works out
>friend starts working out with his work friend, suddenly he's into the gym
>he starts asking for advice on routine, supplements, etc
>have to control myself and pretend I don't want to help so I don't come off as too eager to help
Well I was able to get my overweight coworkers to stop drinking soda after a lengthy rant about Hugh fructose corn syrup, so that's something.
>Start taking the gym seriously the last few months
>Multiple people referring to me as 'athletic'
Bros...
>IST talks about fitness and dieting
>keep saying about how they managed to lose 10 pounds
>still looks the same
>probably actually lost like 3 pounds and it was just time of weighing and clothing difference
>10lbs
Get on my level.
This fat moron in my office said he lost 22lbs in one month despite eating takeaway/junk food every day for lunch just because his car was broken and he had to drive a bike to work and back which is basically like 12-13 miles maximum. He still looks the same and when I called him out because it’s basically impossible to lose that much in one month he told me I don’t know shit about exercising and he can curl 70lbs db. It just puzzles me how some people can pull shit out of their ass and think it’s absolutely believeable.
>It just puzzles me how some people can pull shit out of their ass and think it’s absolutely believeable.
That's exactly why they can pull it out, because they have no idea. Stupid and unknowledgeable people feel confident talking about things as opposed to smart people. Smart people understand how little they actually know so they don't feel as comfortable despite knowing 100x more than the stupid one.
Fair enough. I somehow wish I knew nothing so I can be that moronic and not know about it.
He literally still looks as bloated as before so not a single pound was lost. homosexual was basically forced to sit on a bike to get to work which was his first exercise in years so of course he had to brag about it.
>22 lbs in a month
Maybe it was a lot of water weight
>when I called him out because it’s basically impossible to lose that much in one month
No it's not impossible it's just really unhealthy. That being said, to do that would require more than just biking 13 miles every day in a month.
>Colleagues mention they browse IST.
>walk past someone in the office and he's browsing fricking /misc/
that is a fricking amazing frog there friend
>wow anon you're in great shape, what do you do?
>oh well today i just walked my dog for an hour before work, tonight i'll cycle back home then BJJ class
>that's incredible, you're so dedicated, i could never do that
it's my fricking rest day
>oh do YOU go to the gym also, anon?
>Colleagues start talking about dating
I work with 3 cuties (dentist, psychologist and nutritionist) who do work out and we enjoy talking about that shit all the time, we compare meal preps and share our meals and challenge ourselves to fasts.
i´ve made more gains in this year and a half i´ve worked with them than the 3 previous years where i had other coworkers who didn´t care about what they were eating.
>I don't want to lift weights, I'd get all muscly!