I do a lot of whittling. I offer to show her my collection of carved and hand painted ducks. She accepts. I panic, because this means I have 24 hours to produce and finish a dozen wooden ducks.
I ghost her.
>Be talking to a girl >She asks why hands are calloused >Panic, can't admit I go to the gym, which most would see as a relatively normal activity >"Ducks. I carve ducks. Yeah, I got them from whittling the rough wood to ducks by hand. Then I paint them. I've got dozens of them, you should check them out sometime." >mfw Speech Check Passed >"Oh. Well, that's cool. Maybe I could come over and see them or hang out or something, I'm free tomorrow, what about you?" >End Conversation
>Be talking to a girl >She asks why hands are calloused >Panic, can't admit I go to the gym, which most would see as a relatively normal activity >"Ducks. I carve ducks. Yeah, I got them from whittling the rough wood to ducks by hand. Then I paint them. I've got dozens of them, you should check them out sometime." >mfw Speech Check Passed >"Oh. Well, that's cool. Maybe I could come over and see them or hang out or something, I'm free tomorrow, what about you?" >End Conversation
>I'm in a LOT of trouble Jerry, it's that normie girl I've been talking to >Oh yeah, how's she doing anyways? >*snaps fingers* That's it, your MOTHER'S DUCKS Jerry, last Hannuka when we visited your parents she had a magnificent collection of wooden ducks >My mother's ducks? >You see, she noticed these callouses on my hand Jerry, and she asked where I got them! >And you got them from the gym, you've been really pumping iron >I can't just tell her that Jerry, you don't just tell a woman you've been working out- she'll think that means you've been trying too hard. >What's wrong with that? >Jerry, Chad is just BORN with it Jerry. If a woman knows you have to try for anything it's over, donezo! >I don't know if I agree with that, but what did you tell her? >I told her I whittle Jerry. It's a masculine hobby with masterful artistry, I thought it would impress her that my hands were rough from whittling. >and...? >Well, I told her I whittle ducks... and that she could come see them some time.... and she asked if tomorrow was good. Jerry, I have only 24 hours to fill my appartment up with Ducks or I'm toast! >George, that's rediculous, you should have told her the truth, and... wait, my mother's ducks? You don't mean- >I NEED THOSE DUCKS JERRY, I NEED YOUR MOTHERS DUCKS
[Jerry Rises to his feet] >I'M NOT GIVING YOU MY MOTHERS DUCKS, THOSE ARE HEIRLOOMS
[...] >I'm in a LOT of trouble Jerry, it's that normie girl I've been talking to >Oh yeah, how's she doing anyways? >*snaps fingers* That's it, your MOTHER'S DUCKS Jerry, last Hannuka when we visited your parents she had a magnificent collection of wooden ducks >My mother's ducks? >You see, she noticed these callouses on my hand Jerry, and she asked where I got them! >And you got them from the gym, you've been really pumping iron >I can't just tell her that Jerry, you don't just tell a woman you've been working out- she'll think that means you've been trying too hard. >What's wrong with that? >Jerry, Chad is just BORN with it Jerry. If a woman knows you have to try for anything it's over, donezo! >I don't know if I agree with that, but what did you tell her? >I told her I whittle Jerry. It's a masculine hobby with masterful artistry, I thought it would impress her that my hands were rough from whittling. >and...? >Well, I told her I whittle ducks... and that she could come see them some time.... and she asked if tomorrow was good. Jerry, I have only 24 hours to fill my appartment up with Ducks or I'm toast! >George, that's rediculous, you should have told her the truth, and... wait, my mother's ducks? You don't mean- >I NEED THOSE DUCKS JERRY, I NEED YOUR MOTHERS DUCKS
[Jerry Rises to his feet] >I'M NOT GIVING YOU MY MOTHERS DUCKS, THOSE ARE HEIRLOOMS
Plot threads for this episode: >Bob Sacramento's ducks are terrible, and George needs to refinish all of them >This covers his hands in actual cuts and callouses, some funny quip about how this is worse than deadlifting and he tries chalking his palms but that makes it worse
>George almost loses his job when he tries to steal a duck from the mantle of one of his baseball team's players
>When his date comes over she shakes his hand and it starts bleeding >She goes into his medicine cabinet >It's full of preworkout and cumnaxing supplements >YOURE A FREAK GEORGE COSTANZA, A FREAK, I COULD NEVER LOVE A MAN WHO TAKES ASHWAGANDHA
>Final but if the episode is Jerry and Elaine trying to console George, who's hands are now wrapped in a comical amount of bandages >Elaine needs to be caught up on everything, and seems shocked when Jerry explains George didn't want her to know he worked out >I don't know, I'd sooner take a man who works out than some weirdo who carves ducks >Do you really mean that Elaine? >Mm, yeah... But he'd have to be tall and have a full head of hair >George starts screaming, last frame is his face of anguish
[Bon, badomba bee ba Bom, bom bom.bee. babadabomp]
I just say that I'm working construction on the side. A lot of girls like that because they think it's manly. Once a girl read my palm on a date and recognized my calluses since her father and brother were both oly lifters. She fricked like a bunny, good times
I do a lot of whittling. I offer to show her my collection of carved and hand painted ducks. She accepts. I panic, because this means I have 24 hours to produce and finish a dozen wooden ducks.
I ghost her.
>collection of carved and hand painted dicks
is this made by stable diffusion? holy shit
I'm pretty sure that image is like 20 years old.
stable diffusion in 2002? what the frick
>Be talking to a girl
>She asks why hands are calloused
>Panic, can't admit I go to the gym, which most would see as a relatively normal activity
>"Ducks. I carve ducks. Yeah, I got them from whittling the rough wood to ducks by hand. Then I paint them. I've got dozens of them, you should check them out sometime."
>mfw Speech Check Passed
>"Oh. Well, that's cool. Maybe I could come over and see them or hang out or something, I'm free tomorrow, what about you?"
>End Conversation
I was thinking of it more as like a Costanza from Seinfeld bit but I like this too.
>I'm in a LOT of trouble Jerry, it's that normie girl I've been talking to
>Oh yeah, how's she doing anyways?
>*snaps fingers* That's it, your MOTHER'S DUCKS Jerry, last Hannuka when we visited your parents she had a magnificent collection of wooden ducks
>My mother's ducks?
>You see, she noticed these callouses on my hand Jerry, and she asked where I got them!
>And you got them from the gym, you've been really pumping iron
>I can't just tell her that Jerry, you don't just tell a woman you've been working out- she'll think that means you've been trying too hard.
>What's wrong with that?
>Jerry, Chad is just BORN with it Jerry. If a woman knows you have to try for anything it's over, donezo!
>I don't know if I agree with that, but what did you tell her?
>I told her I whittle Jerry. It's a masculine hobby with masterful artistry, I thought it would impress her that my hands were rough from whittling.
>and...?
>Well, I told her I whittle ducks... and that she could come see them some time.... and she asked if tomorrow was good. Jerry, I have only 24 hours to fill my appartment up with Ducks or I'm toast!
>George, that's rediculous, you should have told her the truth, and... wait, my mother's ducks? You don't mean-
>I NEED THOSE DUCKS JERRY, I NEED YOUR MOTHERS DUCKS
[Jerry Rises to his feet]
>I'M NOT GIVING YOU MY MOTHERS DUCKS, THOSE ARE HEIRLOOMS
>*Kramer walks in*
>my friend Bob Scamano diddles ducks!
Plot threads for this episode:
>Bob Sacramento's ducks are terrible, and George needs to refinish all of them
>This covers his hands in actual cuts and callouses, some funny quip about how this is worse than deadlifting and he tries chalking his palms but that makes it worse
>George almost loses his job when he tries to steal a duck from the mantle of one of his baseball team's players
>When his date comes over she shakes his hand and it starts bleeding
>She goes into his medicine cabinet
>It's full of preworkout and cumnaxing supplements
>YOURE A FREAK GEORGE COSTANZA, A FREAK, I COULD NEVER LOVE A MAN WHO TAKES ASHWAGANDHA
>Final but if the episode is Jerry and Elaine trying to console George, who's hands are now wrapped in a comical amount of bandages
>Elaine needs to be caught up on everything, and seems shocked when Jerry explains George didn't want her to know he worked out
>I don't know, I'd sooner take a man who works out than some weirdo who carves ducks
>Do you really mean that Elaine?
>Mm, yeah... But he'd have to be tall and have a full head of hair
>George starts screaming, last frame is his face of anguish
[Bon, badomba bee ba Bom, bom bom.bee. babadabomp]
I'd watch Seinfeld episodes written by you. With no audience laughter, of course
That was actually really good anon.
I just say that I'm working construction on the side. A lot of girls like that because they think it's manly. Once a girl read my palm on a date and recognized my calluses since her father and brother were both oly lifters. She fricked like a bunny, good times
I got them from strangling MANY israelites.
fourth post best post
I wish the hebrews would point out which ones are khazars so I can know who to hate without having to do further research
Just tell them it's from working on your family's ranch, b***hes love that shit.
"I jack off a lot"
Tell her you squeeze your dick so hard when you beat it that it gives you callouses.
"Oh I just do a couple of push ups before bed haha"
>without giving away that you lift?
Why does this matter?
>Tell her you lift
>She knows you're a gymcel
"I got them from lifting weights". Stop looking so deeply into everything
should have worn gloves homosexual
I tell everyone I get mine from gardening
I do not speak to women who aren't cashiers or waitresses.
>She's a cashier
Just say you're a really aggressive jerk offr.
>I jerk off with sandpaper
>shrugs
Ive had girls laugh at that before. Stop taking them seriously
So.. you put the sand paper facing out?
If you gotta ask, then my dick will be too rough for u bb
Explain that you jerk off animals for a living, if shes white it'll probably turn her on