How do you just be honest with people?

I am trying to better my life but I am still a massive loser. I catch myself lying to people all the time because being honest about myself is always connected with feelings of shame. How do I just tell the truth? I fear that people will judge me for who I am.

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  1. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Just lie and embellish, who the frick is gonna know Fake it til you make it

  2. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Most people lie about the things they are ashamed of. Because people do judge you based on the character flaws that you reveal to them.

    If you need to lie about the most basic aspects of your life, then maybe you need to spend the next few years improving those things so that you dont have to lie or be ashamed

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Take baby steps toward honestly. Journal your thoughts and how you can improve. Read stoicism (or really any self improvement philosophy so long as it’s not moronic). Don’t be too hard on yourself.

      Some of it is self perception and lays in your own warped understanding of what makes you you. Some of it is actually your mind trying to tell you to get your shit together and fix things that are wrong in your life.

      Figuring it out takes self awareness and reflection which does mean you need to separate yourself from the deep desire to be accepted by society and approval from people who actually have no interest in helping you improve, and may actually actively sabotage you to compensate for their own insecurities and poorly adjusted egos.

      Take time to sort these things out. You will realize there are far more people that don't deserve your approval seeking attention than do, and more importantly, to really seek out the best version of yourself means to really look at yourself honestly and without poorly formed biases to achieve that best version.

      Stoicism, journaling and even seeking a trusted opinion by a therapist you vetted out properly can help, but trying to seek approval from people by lying to them isn't a great way to go and you are ultimately, as cliche as it sounds, lying to yourself.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        I just don't want to tell any more lies, I want to be completely sincere with others even if I might be a loser in society's eyes.
        Every time I lie about my life, my feelings, my desires, I feel terrible on the inside and it's eating me alive. Only psychopaths get away with lying.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          I really like this guys channel and maybe you should watch this video.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        This is really great advice, especially liked the part where you talked about how everyone may not be in your best interest- and how we should not seek their validation.

  3. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Take baby steps toward honestly. Journal your thoughts and how you can improve. Read stoicism (or really any self improvement philosophy so long as it’s not moronic). Don’t be too hard on yourself.

  4. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    [...]

  5. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    The trick is to learn who you can be completely honest and raw with, and when that's not an option, how to word it in a way that doesn't paint you as someone worth pity. For me I can have unfiltered honesty with my brother, my mother, and my grandma. Those are the only people that I can just let it hang out as is in my life currently.
    For everyone else, if I used the example of something like not making a lot of money right now, instead of talking about how I'm broke and saying how I can't do things, I word it closer to "I'm trying to save a lot right now for (insert cool or important thing that's still truthful)." It'll make you look responsible and forward thinking, which you're being, while preserving your self respect and earning a little respect from others.
    Constantly lying makes you feel like a worm who's hiding in society and like you're on a self constructed island. It's so lonely. You don't want to go recovering drug addict style though with "radical honesty" and tell every stranger shit that they really shouldn't know about you. Learning how to do this balance right is part of learning social grace. If you catch yourself lying too, tell yourself straight up "that was a lie" and correct it ASAP
    t. been there and isn't a lying snake in the grass anymore

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >You don't want to go recovering drug addict style though with "radical honesty" and tell every stranger shit that they really shouldn't know about you
      No but if someone takes interest in my life, even if it's just small talk or at the very first stage of getting to know someone, I want to tell them the truth about myself and my life.
      >hey you go to the gym too?
      >yeah
      >how much do you bench?
      >225lbs for 5 reps
      That's a lie. I can barely bench 125lbs for 8.

  6. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    me too
    >almost 30
    >khv, wizard apprentice
    >when someone asks about gf, say that right now i'm not seeing anyone/i'm looking for a nice girl
    >if they ask about past gfs, i say that i had someone but it didnt work out
    >if they keep asking i just say that i dont wanna talk about it and get pissed off (so they possibly assume i was deeply hurt)
    tbh it's really helpful thay im not naturally talkative and always keep to myself

  7. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Work a job that forces you to be confrontational and deal with drunk morons. Then try to get fired by refusing to hold back your language after about 6 months. Also, delete social media and look back at your childhood to understand what relationships taught you to people please rather than be a fulfilled individual with their own opinions. The big last step is learning how to recognize in the moment that your lying was developed as a necessary self defense mechanism as a child but no longer serves any purpose as an adult.

  8. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    No one loves you for who you are. Ever. Get good at getting frickers to talk about themselves people love that shit. Better yet don’t talk at all and adopt stoicism. Never forget that you live on a prison planet. Conduct yourself accordingly. Trust no one.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      If it helps think about talking as something that has a function like eating. What is your goal? Talk towards that goal you know be purpose driven.

  9. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Also adv is that way >>>>

  10. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I lie about the smallest things to my family, even things that shouldn't be shameful. I hide my interests and my hobbies. Even though I talk a lot with my family, I never talk about myself or my interests because I feel everybody is just judging me.
    This is even worse with people that aren't my family. I work I unironically just socially mimic anyone and everyone. I am not a loner at work, but when I talk to people I mostly talk about their life and hobbies.
    Even when I notice that someone has the same hobbies or interests as I do, I will not tell them that and will continue my act.
    I have formed a different "personality" for every part of my life and am unwilling to show any bit of my actual person to anyone, even when it would seem accepted.
    I think I am the definition of a "secret schizoid".

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      I hate you losers that fetishize the idea of being a 'schizoid'. You see it way too often. It's along the lines of 'just like me' posters who spam Bateman and Ryan gosling shit. It's not cool to dysfunctional. People think you're weird in a purely negative way, and nothing else.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        i used to think i was a schizoid but now i realize i'm just socially avoidant.

  11. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    it's simple, if they ask you have you've been doing lately you should respond with
    >it's shit, my entire life is shit, it's fricking awful, i wanna take the momentum and hit the fricking wall with my head
    then when they proceed to ask why, tell them that
    >haha just kidding bro, i'm not killing myself, not yet at least, i'll give myself 10 years and see how it goes hehe

  12. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    31 now, this is one of the biggest reasons why i have gone nowhere in life. i am just so ashamed of how pathetic my life is that i just avoid people, hide away. i dont want anyone to get anywhere close to me and see how pathetic my life is so i avoid them and also just say absolutely nothing or just lie about my life. but then by staying isolated, it makes me more miserable

    i wish i could just be honest. i wish i could tell a girl i find cute/attractive that i have no sexual experience and have it not be held against me. i wish i could tell potential friend guys about my pathetic life and have it not be held against me. but it all is.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      wow it's me

  13. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    you need to become like diogenes

  14. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    this is a horrible way to live. you need to unashamedly be yourself, for good and bad. In my experience people like you more and remember you, because someone who is absolultey authentic but without doing it in a "le so ironic and sarcastic le act" manner, is so rare

  15. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Unironically therapy. It’s possible to work all this out on your own anon, but you probably won’t.

    Your emotions, including shame, are trying to help you. They don’t always succeed, but that’s what they’re going for. A good therapist will help you recognize how they work and how to regulate them.

  16. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    1. Determine who you are and what your values are. Be completely honest with yourself.
    2. Are you living these values? If not, move closer to them. Your shame may be coming from not living what you believe.
    3. That's it. Your goal should not be to please everyone. You never will. It's a cliche, but anyone who judges you for who you are isn't worth your time anyway. And a lot of the criticism you're anticipating from people won't happen.

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