Im 26 years old and just recently got out of prison after 8 years. What's the quickest way to get back in shape?

Im 26 years old and just recently got out of prison after 8 years. All that shit about prison workouts and getting fit in prison is a load of bullshit. Almost everything they feed you is simple carbs, there was no gym, and now I'm a fat weak piece of shit living with my parents.

What's the quickest way to get back in shape?

  1. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Go in a better prison lmao

  2. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >buy time machine
    >go back 8 years
    >instead of choosing to be a criminal, get a gym membership
    >fast forward to today, you’re ripped and successful
    It’s easy bro

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Criminal
      Nah it was a load of bullshit.

      We can help you, but you're legally obligated to tell us why you went to prison.

      Some fucking nerd called the police on me in high school. Imagine calling the police because you got bullied, he was a fucking retarded gay

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        what did you do to him

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          I hit him over the head with my razor scooter because he didn't show up to my graduation party. I didn't think he would die immediately after dialing 911 and I still feel bad about it.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            The law is a joke then. Execution is best approach for subhuman low IQ gremlin like you. 8 years for murder like that? What a joke. You better keep your mouth real shut about this because someday somewhere someone similar to me will wait for you to get off work and throw you chopped up in a canale.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            what the fuck do you have with razor scooters lmfao

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          It was high school he was a fucking nerd retard who had no friends, yeah I roughed him up a bit but everyone did it and nobody else ever got in trouble. I beat him unconscious about a dozen times and nobody ever did a fucking thing until this little retard called the police. His voice hadn't even fully broken he screaming about how he's 18 and I'm 18 and this is one adult attacking another adult blah blah blah like a little shit.

          The school had never suspended me or even giving me detention over anything I've done to him or anyone else, but suddenly the police are going over my school record and there's like a foot thick of papers of people complaining about me. If what I was doing was so wrong then the school would have done something the last dozen times I beat in the shit out of this guy, but it was a school and that kind of shit is normal to prepare nerds like him for the real world.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I'm just checking out here because you're trying way too hard. Cut your teeth by posting your creative writing on reddit or something first, they'd probably believe this. Good luck

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Hahaha get fucked by a nerd

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >I beat him unconscious about a dozen times
            That's not bullying you stupid moron. You deserve to be in prison lmao. Enjoy being fat and weak.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Take a good look at the mirror and recognize the moron staring back at you

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            You know, this is an okay start, but you really need to work on making the bait less obvious next time. You'll get em, champ!

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            so you had 8 years with nothing to do but think about what you did and learned precisely jack shit? well done

            • 2 months ago
              Anonymous

              NPCs exist. I know people like him IRL. They always blame others, everyone is out to get them, make the same mistakes again and again, never learn shit. It's best to avoid these kind of people.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            fake and gay

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >laughing about nerds with no friends
            >on a website made up entirely of nerds with no friends

            anon…

            • 2 months ago
              Anonymous

              Hey, I have some friends!!! Shut up !

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            no one would get 8 years prison for this shit and even if you did you woulda gotten out in 4 for good conduct, fake and sage

            • 2 months ago
              Anonymous

              op is probably american, they hand out 5+ year sentences for offenses that would be 1 year tops in other western countries

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Glad to see you learned your lesson in prison, anon.

            But seriously, have a nice day.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            thats actually pretty cool. might makes right and all that…

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Lol you're just a massively insecure gay

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            have a nice day: go to the hardware store, buy rope, go home, and have a nice day. I'm not seeing a better option here.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            fake and gay, kys retard

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            anyone who believes this larp is a retard

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            based larptard

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Hahahahahaha you ruined your life because you were a low IQ moron bullying people. Going to laugh so hard when you inevitably die of a fentanyl overdose.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >8 years in prison for bullying

        Yeah, that doesn't add up. Unless you bullied him with sodomy and arson.

  3. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    We can help you, but you're legally obligated to tell us why you went to prison.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      this.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      this.

      I hit my grandma over the head with my razor scooter because she didn't show up to my graduation party. I didn't think she would die and I still feel bad about it.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        kek

  4. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >now I'm a fat weak piece of shit living with my parents
    This is the only part of your post I believe.

  5. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    you sound like a dangerous criminal and i'm glad you were off the street for 8 years, i just hope you can be locked up for 8 more

  6. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    based and bait thread

  7. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The only people who get fit in prison are the people who are innocent.

  8. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Gets out of prison
    >Goes straight to IST

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Myspace is gone

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        kek, so tell us some prison stories. What kind of prison was it? What was your daily routine like man

  9. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    This thread is fake and gay. If OP is serious, then do starting strength.

  10. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Choke on semen gay
    Safe goes in all fields

  11. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >wasted quite literally the best years of your life in prison
    Lol good luck bro

  12. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    most prisons have at least weight decks outdoors if not a gymnasium

    >t. worked in a prison for the last 4 yrs

  13. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Post your ruined anus

  14. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Are you African American did you tell the officer you didin du nuffin and we're going to the grocery store ?

  15. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Post skin colour op

  16. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    you had unlimited source of proteins in the showers and didnt take advantage of it. now you are ngmi

  17. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Go back to prison where you belong. Dumb cunt

  18. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I feel like I’ve seen a very similar thread before

  19. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I had a friend who was in the slammer and he said the food was disgusting and unhealthy, and the best thing there was a sugary sweet cake which he thought was designed to make the prisoners sluggish and doughy

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