I've been going to my gym for 2+ years now it would be odd to suddenly start talking to people rather than being the creepy mute autist.
Feels bad man.
That's my problem literally everywhere (with family, at school, etc). I was always a shy quiet homosexual around them, so I can't change that without looking weird now. I can only be more talkative with new people I meet.
That's my problem literally everywhere (with family, at school, etc). I was always a shy quiet homosexual around them, so I can't change that without looking weird now. I can only be more talkative with new people I meet.
Oh I can help you with that. If you've been a closed and private person but want to start making friends just let yourself slowly get used to hearing your own voice. Look for excuses to say stuff to people without it being out of place. Like ask someone if they saw a certain piece of equipment, or if you see they're doing well at an exercise ask them if they have a trick to maintaing form etc. Keep it short and sweet and at first don't try to make it into a conversation, just a swift exchange. Then if you see someone a few times one day you can introduce yourself and shake their hand before saying something. And now you can be gym buddies, ask each other to assist with something and have conversations.
The idea of meeting some random dude and becoming friends is weird. I just couldn't imagine. I have almost zero desire to want to know anything about any guy I meet anywhere ever. I only get along with really weird unusual people who I randomly come across on my travels. I would like to have a group of cool handsome big dudes but the kind of guys I get along with are usually physically shit and weird as hell. Everyone else is some sort of normie/ npc and I just couldn't imagine hanging out with such a person. That is why you see friend groups where they all kind of look alike. Because if you're a normie NPC you're basically interchangeable with every single other one so you might as well hang out with ones most outwardly similar to you.
I have the opposite problem, autist sperg, don't like talking to people, all regulars are friends with me. Once you look like you lift weights people just automatically assume they can come for advice to you, or that you know your shit and they can have a discussion about gym with. Kinda weird.
>Not everyone has the personality traits required to just becoming friends
Most people do though. It's not hard or a big deal. On the other hand, this, >Unless I'm in the same room with the person for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, there is a zero chance I'll become friends with them.
THIS is rare and usually sign of some social defect.
Conclusion: OP's therapist isn't the "moron"; you are.
>Unless I'm in the same room with the person for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, there is a zero chance I'll become friends with them.
I'm the same. The solution is to find places where you can spend lengthy amounts of time with the same people, every week. I.e., join a fricking club.
>what do i do to not end up like you?
Don't spend every waking second with your ex that you incidentally met at 25, alienating all of the meager friendships you had before and trying to sustain a 3 year relationship that you know is doomed to fail. Because when you finally come out, you realize you're still single, just older.
>the last time a stranger approached me and started a conversation with me was over twenty years ago when I was a teenager on a cross-Channel ferry >I have literally never had a conversation with a stranger as an adult that I have not started myself >somehow society considers me the anti-social one despite me being the one to make the initial effort in 100% of social interactions
It sucks. Everyone else seems so socially moronic compared to me and yet they all have huge social circles. I read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" but no matter how much I try to get people to open up and talk about what interests them, they always respond with "Yes" or "No" and need to be constantly prompted to give more than a one word answer and they never ask questions in return.
That makes sense, but I'm a tall, good-looking guy, moderately wealthy, confident, good sense of humor and I lead a full and active life, play lots of sports, etc. I'm not shy or introverted and actually have many good friends and I'm successful with women, it's just that I have to sort of brute force the initial interactions with people because it's so one-sided. I don't know if it's a metaphysical or energetic or chemical thing but it appears to be 100% subconscious. It weirds me out to be hanging out with friends and just see random strangers (male and female) just start small talk with them about anything that's going on in the moment, often several times in a single evening and know that that never happens to me.
Yeah, it’s how you look and posture. It’s all huge stuff, most communication is non verbal and you’re saying don’t approach me I don’t like you with your body and appearance. I can make it so nobody sits next to me on busses on command. You can probably look into manually fixing it if you care enough but it’s nbd imo.
lived my entire life without friends, always wanted them, got some here and there I talk to, realized that I don't even want or need friends, there's not really much to talk about, rather just do my own thing.
I blame this in part that we don't have communities anymore. Real communities of people with similar interests, goals, and values. Nowadays most people are a part of a "fan community" exclusively online with strangers only to talk about the latest comic book movie. It's no better at work where your "work family" is either. Do anything wrong or take any risks and you'll be an outsider. It doesn't really matter where you go - church, clubs, school. Most people will see you as "that weird guy who thinks too much" and won't want to form significant relationships with you because of that. Hate to sound blackpilled here but it's just my experience.
I cold approach randos at the gym and do small talk. I’ll small talk with the receptionists on the way out too. Honestly I just stopped giving a shit, frick are they going to do about it?
Lifting requires a mix of pride and humility. Pride enough to want to be better and win against others. But humility enough to be willing to laugh at yourself and lose occasionally to get anywhere. Some guys acted weird when I talked to them, and some were enthusiastic so now I have a couple of gym bros. Once I got confident about talking to the guys I talk to a few of the women too now.
I work out with headphones on and really only talk to people if I know them from work. I'm not socially awkward or an autist I'm just more introverted. It used to make me worry when I was younger but have come to realize that I'm fine with not talking to everyone I meet . I really don't want to hear their stories and would rather just be left alone. I do have a few close friends and am close with my family and that is enough. Don't let other people project onto you how you should be or feel.
yeah man that's wild
I've been going to my gym for 2+ years now it would be odd to suddenly start talking to people rather than being the creepy mute autist.
Feels bad man.
This, unfortunately.
That's my problem literally everywhere (with family, at school, etc). I was always a shy quiet homosexual around them, so I can't change that without looking weird now. I can only be more talkative with new people I meet.
Oh I can help you with that. If you've been a closed and private person but want to start making friends just let yourself slowly get used to hearing your own voice. Look for excuses to say stuff to people without it being out of place. Like ask someone if they saw a certain piece of equipment, or if you see they're doing well at an exercise ask them if they have a trick to maintaing form etc. Keep it short and sweet and at first don't try to make it into a conversation, just a swift exchange. Then if you see someone a few times one day you can introduce yourself and shake their hand before saying something. And now you can be gym buddies, ask each other to assist with something and have conversations.
But eventually new people will join your gym right?
The idea of meeting some random dude and becoming friends is weird. I just couldn't imagine. I have almost zero desire to want to know anything about any guy I meet anywhere ever. I only get along with really weird unusual people who I randomly come across on my travels. I would like to have a group of cool handsome big dudes but the kind of guys I get along with are usually physically shit and weird as hell. Everyone else is some sort of normie/ npc and I just couldn't imagine hanging out with such a person. That is why you see friend groups where they all kind of look alike. Because if you're a normie NPC you're basically interchangeable with every single other one so you might as well hang out with ones most outwardly similar to you.
I have the opposite problem, autist sperg, don't like talking to people, all regulars are friends with me. Once you look like you lift weights people just automatically assume they can come for advice to you, or that you know your shit and they can have a discussion about gym with. Kinda weird.
>Kinda weird.
Asking people who have more experience than you for advice is actually not weird at all, you're just too autistic to get it
Is your therapist a moron? Not everyone has the personality traits required to just becoming friends with random dude you see few times a week.
Unless I'm in the same room with the person for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, there is a zero chance I'll become friends with them.
>Not everyone has the personality traits required to just becoming friends
Most people do though. It's not hard or a big deal. On the other hand, this,
>Unless I'm in the same room with the person for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, there is a zero chance I'll become friends with them.
THIS is rare and usually sign of some social defect.
Conclusion: OP's therapist isn't the "moron"; you are.
>Unless I'm in the same room with the person for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, there is a zero chance I'll become friends with them.
I'm the same. The solution is to find places where you can spend lengthy amounts of time with the same people, every week. I.e., join a fricking club.
what's their rate I'm curious
Why would I want to be friends with anyone at the gym? Disgusting normies.
>DYTEL?
DUMB FRICK
>Asked legally required therapist why they don't just fix me like the state wants me to be instead of asking me gay questions
Are you in the gym right now? Is he in the gym? are you going to bash his head in with a plate?
If you are 27, out of college, living in a small town and have no friends, realistically, is it over?
(asking for a friend)
im 25 outof college with no friends
what do i do to not end up like you?
>what do i do to not end up like you?
Don't spend every waking second with your ex that you incidentally met at 25, alienating all of the meager friendships you had before and trying to sustain a 3 year relationship that you know is doomed to fail. Because when you finally come out, you realize you're still single, just older.
Are you me, anon?
introduce your waifu to your therapist
>the last time a stranger approached me and started a conversation with me was over twenty years ago when I was a teenager on a cross-Channel ferry
>I have literally never had a conversation with a stranger as an adult that I have not started myself
>somehow society considers me the anti-social one despite me being the one to make the initial effort in 100% of social interactions
Welcome to manhood anon
It sucks. Everyone else seems so socially moronic compared to me and yet they all have huge social circles. I read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" but no matter how much I try to get people to open up and talk about what interests them, they always respond with "Yes" or "No" and need to be constantly prompted to give more than a one word answer and they never ask questions in return.
You know what that means though right? It means they think you’re really weird and creepy
That makes sense, but I'm a tall, good-looking guy, moderately wealthy, confident, good sense of humor and I lead a full and active life, play lots of sports, etc. I'm not shy or introverted and actually have many good friends and I'm successful with women, it's just that I have to sort of brute force the initial interactions with people because it's so one-sided. I don't know if it's a metaphysical or energetic or chemical thing but it appears to be 100% subconscious. It weirds me out to be hanging out with friends and just see random strangers (male and female) just start small talk with them about anything that's going on in the moment, often several times in a single evening and know that that never happens to me.
Yeah, it’s how you look and posture. It’s all huge stuff, most communication is non verbal and you’re saying don’t approach me I don’t like you with your body and appearance. I can make it so nobody sits next to me on busses on command. You can probably look into manually fixing it if you care enough but it’s nbd imo.
You need a new therapist. One that is based in reality.
just accidentally skimming this thread game me at least 5 different mental illnesses
Best way to make frens with gym bros is to ask for a spot once you have been there for a while and seen eachother grind the weights consistently
Ive never asked for a spot. Bench is still at 1pl8....
wtf, anon... was you're therapist never in gym?
I really dislike people talking to me in gym. I'm there to destroy my body and fight my demons, not to make some frens.
lived my entire life without friends, always wanted them, got some here and there I talk to, realized that I don't even want or need friends, there's not really much to talk about, rather just do my own thing.
I blame this in part that we don't have communities anymore. Real communities of people with similar interests, goals, and values. Nowadays most people are a part of a "fan community" exclusively online with strangers only to talk about the latest comic book movie. It's no better at work where your "work family" is either. Do anything wrong or take any risks and you'll be an outsider. It doesn't really matter where you go - church, clubs, school. Most people will see you as "that weird guy who thinks too much" and won't want to form significant relationships with you because of that. Hate to sound blackpilled here but it's just my experience.
Anime is not a real hobby.
People don't really make friends in the gym I feel. Especially compared to places where they do sports.
I cold approach randos at the gym and do small talk. I’ll small talk with the receptionists on the way out too. Honestly I just stopped giving a shit, frick are they going to do about it?
Lifting requires a mix of pride and humility. Pride enough to want to be better and win against others. But humility enough to be willing to laugh at yourself and lose occasionally to get anywhere. Some guys acted weird when I talked to them, and some were enthusiastic so now I have a couple of gym bros. Once I got confident about talking to the guys I talk to a few of the women too now.
tell him you dont fraternize with subhuman dyel natty vermin
>its generally considered rude to talk to people at the gym without a reason
How come you didn't say that
I work out with headphones on and really only talk to people if I know them from work. I'm not socially awkward or an autist I'm just more introverted. It used to make me worry when I was younger but have come to realize that I'm fine with not talking to everyone I meet . I really don't want to hear their stories and would rather just be left alone. I do have a few close friends and am close with my family and that is enough. Don't let other people project onto you how you should be or feel.