There is no excuse to not have a bidet by now.

There is no excuse to not have a bidet by now. If you got dirt on your shoe, rubbing it around with fricking paper is just gonna spread it around and if you know that, why the frick are you doing that with your butthole? You are constantly walking around with shit flakes like a fricking savage Neanderthal. Buy a bidet, bro, it is quite literally the only hygenic option outside of showering after every shit

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  1. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    wet wipes. do you ever dry your hands on your poo towel or do you just walk around with wet drawers?

  2. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Remember to wash your penis after urinating.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      This unironically.
      Can guys like imagine that you can smell the wiener if its not washed ? like seriously ? disgusting , Im disgusted....just ewww....

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      When I pee'd yesterday I relaxed after hitting the familiar "empty" feeling, approx. 2 dribbles after the main stream, and then suddenly a 1/2 solid stream I couldn't even feel just slid out; If I'd pulled my pants up any faster I would've gotten a wet-myself patch of urine in my boxers.

      This happened once last year and I'm scared it's just something I'll have to watch out for now that I'm 30. I don't sound or anything and i'm tight n healthy so what the frick

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        I have this problem too, At this stage I just piss sitting down to fully relax my bladder. I don’t give a frick about it being not masculine as it’s just piss biomechanics.

        T. 25 y/o.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Thanks dude I appreciate it, and for the record I've pissed sitting down for the last 10 years it's easier and I don't have to worry about a split stream. I will just use a urinal if there is one though.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            split stream is the bane of my existence. This morning I missed the toilet with both streams while aiming directly at the center...

            • 2 months ago
              Anonymous

              Every FRICKING time. I haven't risked it since the last time it somehow got flung backwards and I was stuck at the bookstore with what I'm sure was a vague smell of pee on my shorts.

              did you ever have a catheter fitted even as a child? if so do kegels.

              Never had a catheter or really anything in my peehole besides the obligatory one time I got soap in it, but kegels have come to mind for this. I don't have any other weird symptoms of a weak floor though, and no erectile/blood flow issues thankfully. It's just accompanied by this sudden numbness forming at the end of the shaft that lasts a few minutes after the pee. Since you mentioned it too I'm gonna give them a shot for a little bit just to rule it out or with luck fix the problem

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        did you ever have a catheter fitted even as a child? if so do kegels.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Is that a side effect of a catheter?

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        normal for us old timers. we gotta milk ourselves before we pull our pants up

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      I'm cut like a diamond so my massive wiener isn't a festering cesspool of bacteria like uncutcucks

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >I'm cut like a diamond so my massive wiener isn't a festering cesspool of bacteria like uncutcucks.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          >no phones
          It was a different time.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >bragging about having a mutilated penis with sensitivity issues

  3. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    You're better off just not shitting at all. When you feel the urge, just don't go. Been doing this for 20 minutes and it has worked out well so far.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      the urge was too strong. Luckily I made it to the gym in time for my morning poo. I eat chilli con carne for a week straight.

  4. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Make sure to squat too. I've been pooping in a bucket and dumping it in the toilet because the toilet is too high to poo without constipation.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      They make stools for toilets, you put your legs up and it simulates squatting. Or you could just use a box or something.

  5. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I use wet wipes

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Your anus absorbs those endocrine disrupters right into your bloodstream lol

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        come down to atlanta and your anus will be absorbing my endocrine disrupters right into your bloodstream lol

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Is this a homosexual fornication reference?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            yeah it was, I am sorry.

            • 2 months ago
              Anonymous

              A fellow /gif/ homo, nice

  6. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    just grab a couple squares of tp and run them under the sink. do you have to Rube Goldberg machine everything?

  7. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I literally just purchased a bidet that controls the water temperature. Im just going to wait until saturday to install it

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      That's how Kings wash their ass. Be warned, make sure it's not too hot. Last thing you want is to scald your butthole.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Thanks for the advice. I didn't even realize the water temperature control could get it to that point

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          It might not, depending on what you got. I have one that splits a line from my bathroom sink and I could set it way too hot if I wasn't paying attention.

  8. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    i have a shitty bidet since i threw my last one out when i moved a few years ago. is there any concern for developing acute colon infections from doo doo water accumulated in the bidet head? is it something you should change out pretty often?

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Possibly. My bidet has a self cleaning head so I assume this was added for a very specific purpose

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        to what extent does it self clean? i mean you can have water route through the spouts to "self clean" but sticky shit isn't gonna come out

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          What? If your bidet is clogged or something, I would assume its just the buildup from the water

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            yout elling me you never sprayed butt shit into your bidet and clogged it so that it couldn't be unclogged with water

            • 2 months ago
              Anonymous

              No. I have a bidet guard. The bidet pops out from the bottom of the guard when in use

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Get a portable one

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        what is that going to solve when i only poop in the toilet rasheed

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          You don't have to worry about toilet water moron

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Jesse what the frick are you talking about? do you believe bidets take their water directly from the toilet bowl or some shit?

  9. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >just install a super soaker in your toilet and let it shoot water in your anus bro
    While I understand the utility, this still sounds very cringe.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >id rather just finger my butthole
      both are cringe but one is the better option. But I understand as an american since we didnt grow up with this. Its like us making fun of the entire world for not flossing

  10. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Ive been using culo clean bidet for backpacking and now use it in my everyday life. Toilet paper feels like sand paper now if i use it while away from home. It feels like I'm committing a sin using it. My butthole is healthier, my digestion is better and a pack of toilet paper last 12 months (use 3 sheets to dry)

  11. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Shit in the shower then wash your ass.

  12. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    i use a screwdriver to get mud out of the bottom of my shoe

  13. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    toilet paper to get the bulk, 1 wet wipe to finish off, 1 more sweep with fresh toilet paper to dry
    >b-but wet wipes aren't flushable even if they say they are, think of the drains!
    not my problem

  14. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    aryan

  15. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    This is a bidet. Not whatever the frick that is.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      How does that even work? Aren't bidets supposed to spray upward?

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        you can adjust the angle

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Do you just squat over it or are you supposed to sit down? It looks uncomfortable.

  16. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    meh I had one and it was nice but it broke and they do after a year or two (the bidet seats). i'm fine without it if the alternative is paying 200-300 every other year. they have sewer/septic safe wipes if you're really anal about it.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >they have sewer/septic safe wipes if you're really anal about it
      Those are lies. Wipes still clog up the pipes.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          No, it's either your problem, when your flat gets flooded, or it's the guys below you. Either way, you're a c**t for doing it

  17. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Shit before shower masterrace reporting.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      It's the only way to live.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Shit after shower chad reporting in

  18. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    As someone with IBS getting a bidet was the best thing ever. I feel so much cleaner and you save on toilet paper cause you don't have to use a lot

  19. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I just spit on the paper.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      you disgust me

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