I've had girls before (years ago), but I got a bit out of shape and now I can't give myself permission to date somebody. I feel shameful and I push people away from me, because I don't feel like I deserve any intimacy (and I don't want anybody to see my body, even though I'm pretty much just skinny fat, which is quite normal).
I wanna at least get my abs to show (doesn't have to be a six pack) before I even attempt anything seriously.
Also I think that if I try now, I would get only girls that are below my previous standards.
It fees like forever since I started trying to get in shape but I think it's the reasonable thing to do. I don't deserve love if I don't love myself.
I'm also putting it off but for different reasons. Shame in myself is not one of them. I hope it wouldn't be for anyone else. Nothing wrong with what you're doing anon. You see what you could be, you won't feel good until then, and you are probably right about the quality of girl too. I want sons not daughters from an unhealthy woman (made that mistake once).
Spend some time on yourself and the girls will still be there when your time is right.
It's completely reasonable no worries man.
Thanks friend
Yes, I know, and at this point I think I'm subconsciously doing it on purpose. I could get a girl if I wanted to, as much of a cliche as that is. I have some hot girls lined up matched on online dating that I haven't even messaged. For the past month I haven't even looked at my matches. I'm burnt out on trying when I feel like I'm not good enough. So I don't.
Thank you, I didn't know it had a name, only familiar with Monk Mode™
I’m putting off getting a girl indefinitely because I am a reclusive sperg
>I feel shameful and I push people away from me, because I don't feel like I deserve any intimacy
doesn't matter what you like, this kind of shit will make women avoid you like the plague. you don't even have to verbalize it, women will pick up on these types of insecurities like a sixth sense
So what? This would only be a problem if OP was trying to pick them up, but he's not.
This
Don't better yourself to get pussy, do it because you want to become someone you would like to be
Yes, we called it *cocoon mode* before
The problem : a lot of people are stuck in it forever, because of irregular working out.
>I can't give myself permission to date somebody. I feel shameful and I push people away from me, because I don't feel like I deserve any intimacy
Yeah same here, you aren't alone in doing that.
This is my default state. You have to be careful with knowing when to leave it, don't stay in it for too long or you'll notice something's wrong and start to feel trapped, which quickly slaughters good mental health.
>past 4 years of my life
good way to atrophy your social skills, sever any existing relationships (which no matter how tenuous are better than nothing) and nurture schizoid tendencies that can be hard as frick to shake off
kakunamaxxing was always a meme and I shiggy wiggy all the poor anons who took it seriously
I'm divorced with 2 kids. will probably be in this mode forever now but not sure i want to
Why would you deliberately cut off people from your life for no reason, literally the worst advice possible
This is some powerfuly moronic cope, should be called "sink into depression mode"
Anon if you made this please shut the frick up and go stare at a mirror for an hour to figure out what's wrong, never post this again
I'm putting off crashing my truck. It's really hard to judge distance when you're going this fast.
Maybe you're not going fast, it's just that the world is mind numbingly slow
I’m in cocoon mode until I get appropriate mental and personal gains. Go to therapy kids.
>Anybody else here put "trying to get a girl" on hold until you get a decent body?
yes because i'm way too ugly
like i've been to raves maybe 30 times and out of those 30 times i got to make out with girls 5-6 times. garbage success rate considering they're all drugged up, too.
>have qt gf for 3 years
>want to get married
>move across the country to be closer to her
>tear tendon in shoulder and have surgery
>go into depression and go from 180 with abs to 220 with less muscle
>she breaks up with me
>six months go by and I decided on moving to a different state
I’m moving in 3 weeks. I don’t really blame her for leaving me, but it did show me that she wasn’t somebody that would stick with me through thick and thin. I’m back to being in pretty good shape, but don’t want to start dating again until I’m in the best shape of my life. Confidence took a real hit through this ordeal.
Years from now you're going to be glad you dodged that bullett
With all due respect, why would you gain 40 lbs? Did you just eat junk food every day?
It was over the course of about a year. Yeah I was eating Lil Ceasars or fried chicken almost every day. Also went from training the equivalent of a college athlete to not at all.
sounds like you are just a lazy frick who ate like shit. I'd do the same if I was her.
dodged a bullet there m8
no because nobody else is and you'll put yourself in the mental trap of perpetual "I'm not good enough" and never get anywhere if you don't start now
I was coping that I was waiting until I had a good body to start dating for real, but now I'm old and still dateless.
me but with making decent money and yesterday I found out HR refused to give me a raise unless I get a PHD so now I gotta find another job that I'm going to enjoy way less but pays the bills
Never work for a university
Been doing this for 3 months after a break-up. I don't think it's worth it. I've had at least 6 chances to hook up in this period (got mires), but now I'm regretting for not even trying on the last few. I wouldn't actively look for a relationship in your shoes, but if you get mired might as well go for it. At least you'll have fun for a lil while.
Every time I solve a problem that keeps me from engaging with women I find, or rather make up a new one because I don't feel ready. First it was getting fit, then it was finishing my studies, then it was getting a job, then getting a driver's license, now it's gaining spiritual knowledge, also I need to fix my schizoid brain, it never ends.
cocoon mode is basically permanent if you let it be. don't do it longer than a few weeks
when do you know its time to hatch from the cocoon?
what if the cocoon has become comfortable because you're used to it
what if you start coming up with excuses to stay in the cocoon to avoid the discomfort of change and crippling fear of rejection
just gotta do it. you'll never be the perfect person you're aiming for, rip the band aid off
What am I supposed to talk to girls about on a date anyways?
Talk about how hitler was right. She will think you’re totally an alpha
You don't talk. You keep your mouth shut unless you absolutely have to. Ask her questions and let her ramble on and on. If she says how quiet you are, just tell her you love to listen. Works every time, boys.
Take it easy, friend
I'm just waiting for the world to change.
Don't, you're a man. It doesn't change until you or another man changes it.
I want to get fit so I have a better chance getting a job in finance/consulting. I need to up my looks so it can somewhat overshadow my awful CV.
I'm doing this. I decided I need a well paying job and an impressive body before I bother hitting on women again. I know it sounds like procrastination but the juice just isn't worth the squeeze unless you're well above average. these days average looking, poor guys have to pathetically simp for absolutely vile women only to still end up getting cucked. if there was no way for me to get money and a good body I would simply opt out of sex permanently. there is zero incentive left to pursue millennial "women" unless you're Chadlite.
I got the job but I need to settle into it still. I'm too new and easy to fire to start worrying about building my social life back up.
and my body is on the way too. I made it from skinnyfat to "definitely works out" in a year, gaining almost 10 kg. women check me out more but they still keep their cool. they want to collect the ego boost from a guy like me checking THEM out, moreso than actually considering me a prospect. I can sense it would still be an uphill battle. and I'm not about to play the beggar applying for a position with many applicants and no strong qualifier why she would choose me over the rest. I'm not about to further inflate some thots' egos by hitting on them unprompted, uninvited. with those odds you just end up wasting your time texting and going on "dates" for nothing. I see and hear other guys in my league doing this and I'm baffled how they convince themselves to keep trying. not gonna bother until there's a profound change in how women react to me.
>Also I think that if I try now, I would get only girls that are below my previous standards.
women's standards perversely rise with age, while their own attractiveness plummets with every year, every "muh ex" and every pound they gain. the silliest part is how they have the delusion that earning X money entitles them to a man who makes X+1 money. like men give a shit how much money a woman makes. same with education degrees and any other "achievement".
Based take. Are you fornix-pilled too, btw?
I've forgotten what that is.
QRD on fornix?
Based and truthpilled. I will never understand the growing list of shit a women wants as she gets older and uglier. Then they screech and rage when you tell them to frick off and date someone between 18-24 and they try calling you a pedo as a cope.
Nibba, the you at the end of the road isint the “true you.” You’re always going to have insecurities on your back. It’s better to learn to live with them and meet other people until you feel that you’re “perfect” in your eyes, because you will never reach that.
I'm at a stage where I'm not actively pursuing women, but if I meet one that's nice and clearly into me then I'll make an effort. I've been hooking up with the occasional psycho or ugly female and I've concluded I'm not hot enough yet for someone that I actually desire. I'm about to graduate school and have a real job again and move which all means that I'll be in a better spot to date very soon. There is validity to the OP sentiment but you have to be sure you're not just rationalizing. Also unless you're on roids you're gonna be waiting for a long ass time.
>shame
Only americans here no one here can imagine that
Don't do this. You'll fall into a constant pit of "I'm not good enough!"
Women are not difficult, only your perception of them are. Marred by your wasted youth in isolation.
anon that's really based but don't be too hard on yourself. like this:
>I don't feel like I deserve any intimacy
>I don't deserve love if I don't love myself.
very awesome perfectionist, self-improvement and somewhat Stoic take, but it can be taken too far
the six-pack is probably eating disorder/obsession territory. grills like abs if you have em but don't really care that much about them.
anyway good work sorting yourself out fren
OP is gay buttsex yadda yadda yadda general IST shit
I dream of Taylor
Can confirm it's just not worth it. I'm overweight, make good money and lift though. Dates I get are trash and a waste of time. It's crazy 10 years ago these feminists you'd date would be outraged if you tried to pay for them, now they are constantly trying to squeeze you for as much niceties as possible.
Unless they are full on horny for you, it's a complete waste of time.
Men will pay so what's wrong with it?
>trying to get a girl on hold
yes and I dont know why. i worked out, made gains. got a nice career now, making financial gains. but when i really think about it, i don't exactly want to go through the effort and time right now. i think im just lazy
Yes. I have a workwife that gets mad at me every few weeks because I don't ask her out. She wants a date night and I am sure she wants to come back to my place afterwards. However, I have been nofap for 3 months and in the gym 3 days a week for 3 months to build stamina and fill out a bit more. If I can't frick her for 20 mins I don't want to frick her at all.
No. My excuse right now is because i'm in the process of enlisting with the zogbots in the usaf branch and I have had way to much shit to do before I can even think about dating. Once i'm settled i'll casually put myself out there again.
More like life
I'm putting it off just cuz I'm angry and bitter and don't have the time/money to blow. It's easy for me to say it's not worth the effort but relationships are an important part of your life and I'm probably hurting myself by ignoring that.
Yeah. Been single 6 years but only recently started gymming hard
Theres no reason to interact with women in 2023 unless 2 things.
A.) Youre a low IQ npc. So youre addicted to sex, masturbation and social interaction.
B.) Youre searching for the pipedream of a wannabe tradlife larper who thinks hes going to get le ebin based tradpilled 18 year old christian tradwife and raise a redpilled family
Build some choppers with friends and you wont think about women for months.
I've been putting "trying to get a girl" on hold until I die.
>unbelievably based
Yes.
So I'll give you my experience here.
For the last year and a half I've been trying to get abs myself but every time I get to the point where I look normal in clothes (like 20-25%bf) a girl enters my life and for one reason or another I end up skipping gym days and eating more/going out drinking and before I know it I'm back up to like 28-32% bf and hate myself all over again at which point I'll push her away and isolate myself until I get back on track again, rinse and repeat.
I keep thinking about just isolating myself until I reach my goal but at the end of the day I also believe that the only thing I'd accomplishing by doing that is missing connections, the reality is that if you don't learn how to balance your diet and fitness life around your social life now then you still aren't going to be able to do it later,
homie!