I'm thinking about going outside with short sleeves. I haven't done that since I was 14 because that's when I was involuntarily put into psychiatric care for self harm (someone in school told on me). Never went outside without covering up once because I was told that it was ugly. Yes it is ugly. I don't like it either but the earth keeps hearing up. I'm 23 now and I just started college and it's proper hot outside and I want to feel slightly more comfortable.
I'd have to brave myself through 2 busses, 1 train and 8 hours of classes. None of my friends know about it I think. What do you think? Could I do it?
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It's perhaps risky but...without knowing the people you'd encounter and even something like what country you're in, the answer could vary. Though generally speaking, it's likely and unfortunately a bad idea unless you're ready to face any potential consequences. If you are, then go for it. Or at least wait until you have a bit of a shorter day to take the plunge.
I think the last reason to care about it is because someone called it "ugly" but perhaps I'm biased
I live in a country where something like self harm isn't something that the public is aware of so I should be able to fool them with a stupid excuse. I guess you're right about the consequences part. Some people might just know what they are. And they really are ugly. I was a stupid and didn't even do them properly and now my whole arm looks like I have a hideous rash.
Both are good points but I'm not going to do the 2nd one
I doubt anyone you don't know will comment on it. If anything, just a passing inquiry that can be easily dodged given the low investment that nature of conversation would have. The worse scenario would be overhearing a snicker or snarky comment, that side of the coin can have lasting negative memories. Hopefully the liberation of being able to be comfortable would outweigh the potentiality of these two happening.
Friends are a different story, but I'm definitely biased there as I'm a firm believer in being true to yourself even if the consequence is being left with nobody. I think it will go fine for you in that regard though, so long as they seem remotely understanding to you.
>now my whole arm looks like I have a hideous rash
Did you go too deep?
I think epidermis level scars somewhat into the dermis look good, like a nicer tattoo (I don't like "normal" tattoos), but I can definitely see how if they were closer to or into the layer of fat then it could start looking unsavory
Is it okay if I described them?
Most of my later cuts look like tiny eyes. They're raised. That's when I started to hit styro. They're the ugliest. The ones closer to my wrist is where I started and over there it's very faint, like only tiny scars. I think they look better because they're in order while the ones on my forearm are all over the place.
Do you judge them?
Yeah what he said
>Do you judge them?
No. I just hope that they're doing better now.
>Is it okay if I described them?
I don't mind at all
In that case I suppose I can see your perspective. I think I still stand by my opinion but I can see that I'm likely in the minority, for better or worse. Are they only on your wrist/forearm or are there more elsewhere?
Have you ever considered any sort of treatment, whether it be a cover up or scar treatment? Even if it's just a potential future plan
You can't blame someone for making such a choice in their formative years, it's natural
Two things:
1) Ugly or not the scars are part of you now and you should embrace them. This might take time and will be uncomfortable at first, as you are now experiencing.
2) Frick what strangers think, but you shouldn't just startle your friends unnecessarily. Ideally give them a quick headsup.
Yeah I think this is part of it. Embrace them as a part of you and take "pride" in them? If that makes sense? Like it shows your struggles with mental issues but sense your better now take pride in having overcame the struggles?
And yea I agree wit not giving a frick about strangers. No matter what they gonna cry about shit. Plus even if they do notice what they gonna do? For a second think about it and then worry about their own shit.
I've meet several people who self harmed and I've never thought the scars were ugly or gross. Just made me sad thinking about why they would do it.
>5 year old cutting scars
>I haven't done that since I was 14
>I'm 23 now
???
They meant that they haven't gone outside with their arms showing since they were 14, not that they haven't cut themself since then
my left arm is a bit cut up, nobody except for psychs have ever commented on it. maybe theyre not as apparent as i wish they were (this sort of compels me to want to cut deeper, i think this is the problem, because they never went hypertrophic)
Are you a active cutter? I felt how you feel back then but now I'm feeling the opposite
What if they're doing worse?
yeah i last cut a few days ago. i only really started cutting last year so as an adult i feel like theres nowhere to really help me because everything is "resources for young people" and the like, and my psychologist doesnt really care about it (i suppose theres much worse issues were dealing with).
i guess wanting bigger scars also comes from hating how fast i heal. sure it bleeds a bit every time but never as much as i want either
Can I ask how old are you?
I feel like a lot of therapists don't directly approach self harm like you want them to. The resources don't help that much either in my opinion.
I'm simply sharing my experiences and I'm not giving advice but if I was able to go back in time I would've chosen a way that wouldn't leave me scarred for life. I still self harm but I don't cut anymore instead I punch myself but to give credit to myself I'm not really attention seeking as I used to so they're just for me. One time I poured my almost boiling hot cup of coffee over my croch because I was so frustrated over not being able to understand what I was trying to study.
I honestly think I have changed a lot as a person but I don't think it's all that positive. If I had loving parents and lived in an understanding society then I maybe would've turned out better and stopped with sh for good but it's not like that. It doesn't get better. How do people expect me to live past 30? I can't see that happening
Imagine you see a hobo with sh scars
Worst is on my left arm. There's some in my lower legs (the muscly part) too but they're not very prominent
im 26, so like ive aged out of any service that actually seems to care, but you say theyre useless anyway, so maybe it didnt matter. I used to solely hit myself. i still do, but now i cut as well.
Im not really seeing much hope in general. ive got a note im going to give my gf and i think that might be it for me.
What do you think your end goal was, generally speaking?
>What if they're doing worse?
I'm curious to know what kind of response you're expecting to that question.
Fricking moron
On the public transport no one will care, maybe feel a bit of pity, your friends may be a bit shocked at first but with time they will see as part of who you are today and stop thinking about it
Holy shit those digits.
Anyways, if i saw them i wouldnt give a shit
I wouldn't care. As long as you're better now than you were back then is all that matters to me. I think people nowadays are more aware and understanding of self harm scars than they were a decade ago.
I don't think they're gross at all
To be completely honest I'd take them for a red flag like "this person is/been goin through some shit", but I'd still be curious about the person underneath and not any more judgemental than of anyone else
I am going to be *extremely* blunt.
1) The prettier your face = the less men will care & the more women will notice
2) The bustier you are = the less men will notice & the more women will care
>cut scars
the reality is that actual people will either think you're a bpd nutcase if you're female or a huge wuss and a liability if you're male
red flags all around. I wouldn't want to deal with such people because I'd be either too teasing or too annoyed by pretending to not notice / being nice. At any stage if someone ever self-harms they are terminally ill.
dunno maybe tattoo over that stuff so it's at least a bit more interesting or more of a declarative 'i'm over it' thing
>the reality is that actual people will either think you're a bpd nutcase if you're female
its basically exclusive to bpd isnt it?
not entirely, obviously you got a whole alphabet soup of disorders to also consider, like eating disorders considering the age. It's around like 70% for bpd.
no i mean like cutting/sh is only used in bpd diagnosis, i dontthink any other diagnoses including sh. maybe idk
I wouldn't care. Be chill af and less people with assume you're a psycho. I think.
Hey OP I don't know if you have it worse but these are my 3 years old ones (white and flatter due to months of treatment). I have some on my other forearm too. I would lie if I told you I never feel ashamed and moronic when people see them, but I accepted this as a part of me, and that people may judge or not understand. So most of the time I just forget about them. I felt I may scare away any future love interests or friends. But I was wrong. One day I just started wearing short sleeves (after speaking about it with the people I care about), and I managed to get friends and "more than friends" since then despite of me being an introvert. In a way it drives judgemental people away, and you don't need those in your life anyway. In the end you must ask yourself if you prefer living uncomfortably and scared about the judgement of others, or live comfortably while not caring about other people's judgements. I have attended courses and work related events like this and the worst that happened was an autistic (or aspergers) coworker asking how I got them. Everything will be fine, just accept it and move on.
Huh, seems like you're getting the attention you wanted. moronic bawd.
I once saw in a train woman with short sleeves. She had a lot of cutting scars. It didn't really phase me. People are anyways going to judge you. Sure, maybe it will bomb some potential friendships or relationships, but you probably wouldn't want to be with them anyways. Eventually your friends and partners are going to see your scars. It's time for hiding and healing, then at a later time it's time for showing and being proud (for having overcome difficulties).
Imo the public transport, and out in public generally, is not an issue. It will never be as big of an issue to other people as it is in your own head. Think about all of the people you walk past on your commute. How many of them do you actually give a second thought to after going past them?
With your friends I'm not sure. Personally it's not something I'd care about if I saw a friend with that, but people will have different responses. Depends on where you are but I think most people are pretty accepting of mental health issues irl.
Could do a trial run and go short sleeves on your commute then put a sweater on when you get to college.
cut deeper next time