Eating disorder help

Im beginning to accept that I’ve developed a form of eating disorder and body image issues in the past few years that I’ve been training, more so once I cut weight for the first time. I religiously track my caloric intake and will have days where I run 15km and consume between 400-800 calories to compensate for days when I binge eat which are becoming more and more common. I think about food far more than I used to before I began training and the thought of getting even a little bit fatter fills me with dread. I was never this self-conscious if my body before. I’m incapable of properly my enjoying a good meal because the consequence of getting fatter is always on my mind. I wouldn’t call this anorexia because the only time I’ve ever been underweight on the BMI was before I started training and I’ve never reached an unhealthy weight since. I’m hoping anyone here who’s had similar issues can spare some advice. Pic is me at my leanest, I’ll post some some other physiques I’ve had in the past

  1. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    When I first started training

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      how long ago was this?

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        4 years ago

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Wtf you went from a complete DYEL to huge
          I went from kinda sporty to smaller and less lean than you now in the same amount of time mostly because I fell for the maintaining meme and was afraid of bulking too much so I don’t get fat and cutting so I don’t lose muscle. I went from 75 kg to 87 kg in 4 years. Body fat is higher but not that much. And I’m much smaller than you, you look great

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Me right now btw
            I had a much better starting point than you

  2. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The fattest I’ve been

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      https://i.imgur.com/GE4M0rF.jpg

      Taken about a week ago. Currently cutting for the second time

      stop trying to stay shredded. even your “fattest” state was pretty lean. your body has complex mechanisms (e.g leptin and ghrelin) to defend its preferred body fat levels

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Easier said than done in my shoes. I’m more curious about anyone who’s faced similar issues and how they’ve addressed it. “Just fix your problem” isn’t practical

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          I am in recovery from an eating disorder, mostly recovered now. I noticed exactly what you noticed about myself about two years ago. I was obsessive; fasting for 22 hours a day, running 10ks daily, etc. in addition to lifting. I was deeply unhappy with my body (despite looking amazing), insecure, and couldn't enjoy meals or life.

          What I did to get better was first disconnect from the fitness space. It gives you serious brain rot and warps your perceptions about what is 'normal'. It is kind of life abstaining from porn; after a while your brain gets used to normal stimulus and you don't need hardcore things to get hard. Except in this case you get used to seeing the normal physiques of day to day people (mostly obese) which helps with the body dysmorphia. When you are constantly on instagram or tik tok it really fucks with your brain's idea of what is normal.

          Secondly, eat intuitively for a while. Lift heavy but accept that you're going to gain weight. It will suck. You will lose your six pack for a time. But allow yourself to eat until fullness. For the first 6 months you'll over eat. But after a while your hunger signals will return to normal and you'll stabilize at a weight, being able to maintain it without dieting.

          From there you can make slow, incremental, life style changes to get to the weight you want (without dieting). For instance, replacing morning coffee with tea. Drinking water instead of a soda. Medium fries instead of a large fry. If you make small changes over the course of a few months you'll be able to get to a weight where you both find yourself attractive and aren't crashing and burning on some diet that is driving you insane.

          Most importantly though, you'll be happy. Now a days I can eat without thinking about it much, stopping at fullness. I lift heavy and feel good about my body.

          I am not competitive with tik tok roiders or instagram attention seeker whores, but I am happy and mog most people day to day.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Yep the actual training side of things doesn’t appear to be an issue. Lifting is a genuinely enjoyable hobby for me.

            I suspect I’m going to have to let my diet go for some time but I’m scared that I’ll get even fatter than I’ve ever been in my life

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      bro that's not even fat

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        You aren’t the first to tell me that and you won’t be the last. This is why what’s going through my head is a problem

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          That's like, what, maybe 19%? Probably more like 18%.

          I know reading is for gays but there's a book I read that actually really helped me with binge eating and I legit have slowed down on binges ever since. It's called "Brain Over Binge" by a lady who was also a binge eater. I had my doubts too, but it was helpful. I used the audio book on audible that you can get for free with a trial so I'm not paying shiiiieeett.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Thanks bro I’ll look into it. Down to try anything that could help

  3. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Taken about a week ago. Currently cutting for the second time

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      King. Keep your head up. Your body is not who you are. Who you are is the you inside your head that decides who you are. Do you really want to be shackled by arbitrary numbers, values, perceptions or do you want to define yourself as you.

      Go inside your head and really determine who you are and what you want in this life. The physical realm will never be perfect. But the soul inside you already is. Your body is a manifestation of that. Understand that by focusing on little physical imperfections you're putting blemishes on your soul. And those blemishes hurt more than anything else because they are from you.

      Accept who you are. Accept what you look like. Accept that you won't be perfect compared to others, but you're already perfect compared to yourself.

      Free yourself from your chains. Free yourself from your bad thoughts. Free yourself from body dysmorphia.

      Follow these steps and you'll instantly feel a load off your shoulders. Read them first. Gather the items needed. Then follow the steps

      >look in the mirror
      >Say to yourself
      >I release myself from body dysmorphia
      >I release myself from negative thoughts about my body
      >I release myself from eating disorders
      >I release myself from negative thoughts about food
      Then pick up your paper and pen and litght a candle or stove top. Have water next to you
      >write down "I had negative thoughts about myself"
      Then burn the paper. Hold it. Watch the fire burn your statement. Then drop it in the water right before your fingers get burned
      >write down "i had negative thoughts about food"
      And burn that statement.

      Release yourself from negativity and burn your negative thoughts away.

      A little intro into mind-reality creation

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >IST

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Bruh how tall are you lmaooo 5'3" ass bro

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Post body dyel

  4. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Figure out what leads to binging and stop it. Stop using food as a drug.

  5. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    nice physique

    you have long ass forearms. are you italian?

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      I live in Australia but I’m of southern Italian descent

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        based i am also of southern italian descent and i have those long ass ape forearms too. makes adding weight to benching a bitch.

  6. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    How did you become like this, what are your reasons, did you just decide one day? Are you doing it for performance or looks? Is any other area of your life suffering because of this?
    From my perspective you look really good, your willpower feels strong. What makes you not satisfied with yourself? Is it just because you feel you spend to much time obsessing over food and body.
    Asking for myself

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      I started training because I was incredibly weak. For the first 2 years of training I let myself get fat and didn’t care about how I looked because I enjoyed seeing my numbers go up. It was once I started cutting along with improving my general looks that I noticed an improvement in my quality of life. People began treating me better. Either because I looked better or because I became more confident or perhaps a mix of both. But now I feel these pressures to maintain or improve my looks because I believe it’s played a huge role in being more socially outgoing and accepted. The fact that I’ve kept this up for so long and believe I could for the rest of my life makes me believe my willpower is fairly strong, though these pressures are taking too much of a toll mentally. I don’t feel particularly ugly right now but the thought of going backwards terrifies me. And I know that this is an incredibly feminine trait that’s doomed for destruction when I hit the wall which is why I’m trying to address it now

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Why would you let yourself "hit the wall"?
        Just maintain your physique the best you can at any age, jesus christ, look at frank zane.
        Unironically just stop being a pussy.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          I’m referring to getting old. We’re all only getting uglier and to be heavily dependent on looking good for happiness is a dangerous path to be on

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I did write "just maintain your physique the best you can at any age, jesus christ, look at frank zane", try reading.

            • 2 months ago
              Anonymous

              Yes and he looks worse compared to in his prime. Understandably obviously. I’m talking about getting smaller and fatter and uglier as you get older and coming to terms with that. The issues I’m facing are only mental. To just “do what a pro on peds does” isn’t helpful to my situation

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Normies don't care if you are 10, 12 or 18% bodyfat. Once you push 20%+ is when you are "pudgy" and people will maybe notice in normal clothes, but with lifting that means you just also look big and strong in addition to having some blubber. How often do you walk around shirtless, realistically?
        More likely people started treating you better because you became more socially skilled, because you gained confidence, because you felt some mastery from lifting or whatever. That is what confidence actually is, you internally become more confident for whatever reason, then you act confident and you get external validation that makes you further confident. Unless you have some massive dysfunctions (incredibly ugly, very weird behaviour) that is actually how stupid it is, it's a circle of reinforcement.
        Where most people fuck up is letting external validation influence it too much. You see this with normies, they feel confident because they have nice clothes, a nice job, etc. All that shit is ultimately temporary, like your physical state.

        I became confident because I am not ugly and also have some social skills. I was awkward as hell when I was a teenager. Nowadays I am confident mostly because I truly do not care about the judgement of most people. I also look better, but ultimately it would be no difference if I was a fat slob or in shape as I am currently, because it's all internally "justified".
        And you may argue, then what is the difference between confidence and just being completely delusional? The truth is that there effectively isn't much of a difference, this is how stupid people often are confident as they lack the self awareness to have any reason to not be. The only difference between these two, from an outside perspective, is how far outside of "correct" you drift. And as for physique being one of those factors, you are already very far ahead of the average sedentary adult, so why worry?

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        You will always be yourself. As cheezy as this sounds. Hear me out.
        Food might be your way of trying to control your life. Your body's natural instinct will try to protect itself (binge eating, hormones and shit). You may feel the one thing you wanted to be under your control, isn't. You imagine control over food slipping away and you panic, fear makes work "harder" to try and regain control. You obsess, because you are constantly reminded of this during your meal. It is an infinite loop. It's addictive.
        Not everything in life can be controlled. Observe, observe your feelings. Your feelings are not who you are. Your feelings are senses, like sight is. To obsess over your feelings is not productive and you can make a reasonable/informed decision to stop obsessing (in a similar way that you worked on fixing yourself in the first place.

        Did any of this read true? Food is one of the hardest addictions to overcome. You are always consuming it. It might be a trade off (obsession or physical problems). I'd be very interested to know if you have any other problems like hard time sleeping/bad sleep, headaches, or any other medical problems, to see if you think it's related.
        I hope I didn't go too late off topic with addictions, did you ever take any drugs?

        I wish you make it

  7. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I don't see a problem, apart from binge eating.
    I've been tracking calories for a decade, it's just normal for fitness oriented dudes.
    Just stop binge eating like a tard.

  8. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Hi OP, I'm an anorexic who was hospitalized a few years ago. I weighed around 84 lbs (38 kg) then, and it took me 4 years to reach 120 lbs (54 kg) as a 5'7" girl. I've slipped back hard this past half year, and I've been around 110 lbs (49 kg) lately.

    Your habits are very reminiscent of my own during the worst of my anorexia, as well as what I'm slowly slipping back into. I have days of eating 700 calories with heavy cardio and weightlifting, and then I crack and binge, just like you. This is extremely common amongst anorexics. The lower my weight drops, the harder it becomes to resist. It's like a flip that switches once I drop low enough, because I recall that at a normal, healthy weight, I had no appetite. I've always been underweight, not through deliberate effort but for lack of an appetite. It's funny that the moment I began to obsess over what I had been doing effortlessly for years is when I began to struggle.

    I know people on this board eschew therapy and mental health, but I recommend it. To me, it sounds as if your habits have already slipped into anorexia territory. There's no shame in seeking counselling. Take care of yourself, OP.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      shut up bitch.

      post tits

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        shut the fuck up weakling, post 1rm

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Nice to hear from someone facing similar issues. I’ve usually been the stoic type but if I’m not on the right path within the next few months I’ll seek help.

  9. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    In addition to everything else recommended, I’ve found personally that the fragile ego which comes from being handsome and fit comes secondary to the inherent confidence of being successful in other facets in life, the most important being social. Self-admittedly, you are mortified by the idea of losing your looks because you believe that by extension you will also lose your social ability, which you believe has been delicately built off of your body.

    I’m 5’7” and at my skinniest I was like 125 lbs skinny league-addicted loser. At that point in my life I still thought I was a fat fuck because the skin of my stomach had wrinkles in it when I sat down. The bigger issue here was that I was a NEET degenerate loser and I believed myself completely incapable of successful social interactions, and by extension I hated my body in addition to my soul and lifestyle.

    I am now kinda chubby with a little bit of muscle at 160, far from my fit goals but I have grown a lot socially by forcing myself to get out there and talk to people more throughout my fluctuations in weight. In addition I’ve recommitted myself to studies and I’m on course to a successful career as an architect.

    I feel a lot better internally, a lot more balanced and proud of myself. And no more starvation or self hatred like before. It happened slowly and I still struggle sometimes against myself to feel good but it’s a never ending battle.

    My greater point here is to find other things to root your esteem in. Things more solid and less fragile than the physical body. Prove to yourself that you’re capable and worth much more than your body, and deserving of love. I never had an ED on your level but I relate to the fear of losing it all and of at one point despising oneself. I hope you grow stronger bro

    inb4 manlet

  10. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Another femanon in eating disorder recovery here, I agree with the other person that therapy might be helpful. You’re right that you don’t sound anorexic, you’d probably fall more into the category of orthorexia, but that’s still an eating disorder. How old are you? If you’re younger than 25-ish group therapy is imo better than one-on-one because so much of eating disorders has to do with how others perceive you. Group therapy has done way more for me than one-on-one, but as a 24-year-old I’m already feeling uncomfortable talking about such heavy topics with teenaged girls. I can only imagine it would be even weirder for me if I were the opposite sex and any older.

    Another thing that may or may not be helpful is finding another outlet for the obsessive tendencies, rather than your own body. This might sound dumb as fuck but I went out and bought some exotic fish that had very specific and finicky care requirements, and it gave me an outlet for that weird need to control everything. Plus now I have fish friends who rely on me so I don’t want to do anything too harmful to myself, because I know my family would never be able to care for them properly. Also got some orchids (they’re super finicky too) and am considering getting into bonsai. It’s kinda weird and might not help you how it did me but a houseplant or two is pretty minimal investment and there’s not really any way it could hurt anything, so it could be worth a shot. Good luck, anon

  11. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    best thing for an eating disorder is to make yourself eat more in public rather than alone. i never binge or restrict when im eating with family, at a restaurant with friends, or even eating alone at a restaurant. doesn't have to be every meal, but it helps to do it at least once a day to get some normalization in

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