How the frick do I wipe my ass? People say you should wipe until there's nothing on the paper but I can keep wiping for up to 20 minutes and there's still shit in there. I wipe from bottom to top, so don't tell me that shit. Is there another way to wipe your ass without taking so long? It really makes me sick and pisses me off
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Wipe top to bottom like a civilized person. Why are you scooping upwards? You scoop downwards so you can get pressure on your ass and clean it better
Squat, spit on the tissue and finger your ass about 1 digit deep, swirl and keep doing it til nothing comes out on tissue.
I thought I was the only one that did this.
Clean as hell isn't it? I love knowing there is absolutely 0 chance of anything being in there.
>Flushable wet wipes.
I don’t care if they are bad for the plumbing as I live in an apartment building.
This if I’m desperate.
don't spread the secret brother
Spread your asscheeks on the toilet, left asscheek to your left right ascheek to your right, afterwards, shit out what you have in you then proceed to wipe, preferably going into the anus a little bit with toilet paper
or get a bidet
Get a bidet.
I wipe back to front while seated and I WILL NOT FRICKING CHANGE OR APOLOGIZE. LICK MY SHITTY BALLS, b***hES.
I switched to using a bum gun
consequences will never be the same
>spraying water up your ass
Gay
Feels good, man
Ameritards will literally rather shoot their butthole instead of using a bidet.
This except I jump in the shower after every shit, set the showerhead to the concentrated blast setting then fire it straight up my butthole until it's completely clean.
Based.
I am
Shave
You only need one pass then
Keep personal wipes handy for bigger messes
So I'm the only one that fingers his ass 2-3 times a day here? Cmon I know someone else has to.
Get wet wipes. Open with a dry wipe to get any big chunks, then just alternate wet and dry wipes until you get a completely clean dry wipe. Once you get that, do one more wet and dry, just to be thorough. Lastly always wipe left to right (or right to left if you're left handed).
this is how u clog up ur pipes like a moron. plumbers have tons of stories about morons like this
did you eat a brown marker?
the more ass hair you have the more you have to wipe but it usually only takes 10-15 wipes to get it good enough unless you roll a 1 and spread half a turd all over your hand and entire bottom
Few methods
>ghost wipe
Takes a ton of work and trial and error but if you can get your gut in order and diet together in such a way you only need to do one test wipe to check, and be clean every time this is the ultimate goal.
>front to back
These people are weirdos. People shit, stand up so their ass cheeks mush together and spread the shit to make more mess, then wipe from end of gooch towards lower back.
>back to front
You stay seated for this. Back and forwards towards gooch stopping at edge of butthole without just smearing it onto your gooch/nuts
>shower
Poor man’s bidet. May require hand utilization to get good and clean.
>bidet
It’s $50
to back
>stand up
You can do it sitting, you know.
>You stay seated for this
My dick is too big to reach in and wipe while sitting down
front to back, no more than three medium to small wads, and, AND buy yourself some babywipes. Use them after you wipe.
>theres men who actually wipe front to back
Women I get it. The anus is literally 1 inch away from the vegana (we have paragraphs detailing how much of a creative oversight this is already) so the possibility of a woman getting shit in her vegana is higher.
But men's nuts are a good taints distance away from the anus. If you're not sloppy drunk, you won't be wiping shit on your taint, yet alone your balls.
Why wipe front to back? Makes no sense to me.
I've been with a few women in my life and one thing I've noticed is that the female anus is incredibly close to the vegana, in fact they're barely an inch apart.
I'm not sure about other guys - but doesn't this disturb you? It feels like a design flaw in women actually - like they're supposed to be so feminine and beautiful yet this ghastly oversight is ruining everything.
It seems to me that women should be more aware of this flaw and it should affect their confidence. Whenever I see a so-called beautiful woman walking down the street so care-free, thinking she's all that I just remember her anus is only ONE inch away from her pussy and laugh her into oblivion.
Women: Please accept that they're too close together, let it negatively affect your confidence and so make yourselves more readily available sexually as a result. Afterall, we're having to sleep with a creature whos ANUS is only ONE inch away from the vegana - you should not make this difficult. It's unappetizing enough as it is. We're doing you a favor.
Men: Do not let women forget this flaw, and do not forgive them for it. Remind them of it constantly, less they get inflated egos and think they're all that.
They're just too close together, sorry, but it's true.
on goats it's even closer
Thank you abdul
I haven't shit outside of my own bathroom in years, so I just use a couple pieces of toilet paper and then hop in the shower to clean any residue. It helps to have a removable shower head, I just switch it to jet mode and power wash my butthole.
How does one even wipe from back to front?
Is it a meme?
Do you dip your hand in a toilet, passing by junk and go from there, or do you push your shit back in the anus and call it a day?
Just get baby wipes literally takes like 3 wipes and your done
if you have ass hair then you need to not really wipe but pull the shit from your ass hair
I usually wipe the bigger shit away then pull shit from my ass hair and then wipe normally to make sure nothing got left there
>He doesn't EDC a poop comb
Git good, homie
Alright boys, I'm seeing a lot of controversy in this thread so why don't we settle this once and for all:
What is a reasonable estimate to laser remove the hair from your butthole? Are there any potential cons?
Eat more fiber
Eat more fiber you dumbass homies!
Eat more fiber and carbs. Your ass shouldn't require more than three wipes to be clean.
I don't wipe
Yeah I've met your type and it always makes me gag.
Wet a piece of paper towel and did it into your butthole aggressively. Then dry with normal toilet paper.
How do I do this in a dormitory community bathroom
Bring a water bottle in? Waddle to the sink with your pants down?
good morning Sir
Eat more fiber and less goyslop, ya chud.
Where in a hamburger is the fiber part?
I've noticed that after I take a poop, the back of my shirt smells like shit.
Is it inevitable?
>he has poop on his lower back from poor wiping
Ew
2 solutions:
- obv take your shirt off before shitting
- flush as soon as you shit out the first big turd and then start wiping. This will also keep the smell in the bathroom to a minimum
I don't know anon. I always just shower after. Using public bathrooms is only for emergencies because America is an open air zoo, and they don't use bidets.
install a tushy and spray your butthole clean then wipe it dry after
Just spray bro no wiping required
Stop pressing hard on the first wipe. That smooshes the shit across a wide area of your anus and makes a big mess. Wipe/scoop lightly with folded paper to get the largest amount off at the start.
Either that, or you're having incomplete bowel movements and a turd is halfway out your anus. In which case, eat more fiber dummy.
Would you let a dude wipe your butt with baby wipes until fully clean? Can pay you.
But a bidet
Bidet
I hate Americans so fricking much. Please just buy a fricking bidet and stop being so fricking moronic.
Same. Sometimes it's totally dry and clean but often times even wet wipes dont fricking help
Get one of those stools to have your feet on so you sit in the proper shitting position. Your shit gets stuck in the opening because of the unnatural sitting position. This will actually frick up your butthole long term and you'll get leaky ass and shit like that. Also eat more fiber.
I take a shower everytime I take a shit and I only shit when I am at home or at my parents house. I refuse to shit elsewhere
Your diet is the problem. Consume less trash.