Honestly its been 11 years or so since i first found this place and I'm getting to the point were I just want to quit. homosexuals here enjoy being miserable and puttinf others down.
bro ive been here 10 and feel the same, I'm feeling that slow decaying rot in my brain with this place, I believe you can only quit when you truly want to and its getting there, I really hope this continues and I can do so
I've been here 15 years, and this place is getting worse every year. Especially if you compare it to 2011-2013. Now it's a shadow of its former self.
I think that IST is bad for you also in the same way social media and other internet forums are also bad for you. It serves as fake social interaction and gives instant gratification. It makes you feel empty because you get all that quick dopamine stimulation, like you do from loot video games like mmorpgs and hack and slash rpgs. It leaves you with anhedonia unable to even do the most mundane stuff, and also functions as a way of escapism and procrastination to do the things you need to do and get furher in life.
I've tried qutting it cold turkey a couple of times, but it always end up with finding something else on the internet that can have my attention, whether it be vydia games or chats or whatever. I know that to get away from here, I have to build up a foundation around me I can rely on to not get back into this addictive place. Sort of like they do for people in rehab. If you just stuck people in rehab and have no plan for follow up, they're just going to relapse because they haven't really got anything else. It's the same for IST. You've got to have a plan for something else to feel the emptiness with.
None of those replace the social part of IST though. Those fulfill other needs. IST fulfills the same need as any other social media, which is the desire to feel connected to others
>IST fulfills the [...] desire to feel connected to others
Conversations here are based on anonymity. How much healthy human connection are you really getting here. It won't replace real world interactions.
I've been here 15 years, and this place is getting worse every year. Especially if you compare it to 2011-2013. Now it's a shadow of its former self.
I think that IST is bad for you also in the same way social media and other internet forums are also bad for you. It serves as fake social interaction and gives instant gratification. It makes you feel empty because you get all that quick dopamine stimulation, like you do from loot video games like mmorpgs and hack and slash rpgs. It leaves you with anhedonia unable to even do the most mundane stuff, and also functions as a way of escapism and procrastination to do the things you need to do and get furher in life.
I've tried qutting it cold turkey a couple of times, but it always end up with finding something else on the internet that can have my attention, whether it be vydia games or chats or whatever. I know that to get away from here, I have to build up a foundation around me I can rely on to not get back into this addictive place. Sort of like they do for people in rehab. If you just stuck people in rehab and have no plan for follow up, they're just going to relapse because they haven't really got anything else. It's the same for IST. You've got to have a plan for something else to feel the emptiness with.
outright says It serves as fake social interaction and gives instant gratification.
11 months ago
Anonymous
Without IST I would quite literally have no one to talk to, and that would make me insane. And I'm quite sociable when I want, it's just not fun if you're not the mogger.
11 months ago
Anonymous
I don't disagree with you. My point was it's a less good social outlet than having friends. But my point was that books, hobbies, etc. do not replace going on IST but having a real social life does. I have come around on this place over the years. What's so bad about it? I do have some friends in real life, but I find even that unfulfilling as it is mostly centered around drinking, which I don't like. I assume you probably feel likewise since you're on IST.
11 months ago
Anonymous
IRL is the fake one though, this is why we're all so addicted to this
Been here 7 years and I'm on the verge of leaving. I am thankful for this site and the anons but I can't stay with what I have in mind for myself.
Its not a permanent leave of course but something very long.
I think this website makes you more miserable when you're miserable, but if you have your shit together it's amusing really, because you experience real life enough where you know exactly who's talking out of their ass, and who's at least somewhat right.
https://i.imgur.com/Ap9FfHG.jpg
Self-esteem (the healthy kind) is about feeling capable and strong. Work on anything that makes you feel that way, it's as simple as that really.
>if you have your shit together it's amusing really, because you experience real life enough where you know exactly who's talking out of their ass, and who's at least somewhat right.
The older I get and the more life experience I have the more painfully obvious it becomes that no joke probably 95% of this site is loser neet larpers and/or underage.
I cannot 100% confirm or deny this claim.
I've been off this site for months at times, and barely anything changed. Then, there have been periods where I'd post daily and improve. And also the other way around.
I don't think IST impacts your life as much as you think. It's a time sinkhole, though. To mitigate this refrain yourself from shitposting needlessly and try to learn as much as possible from actual threads made by actual people who MIGHT have something interesting to say.
Bump for interest, I'm a 44 year old virgin turbo autist.
>IST made me a loser
Wrong. I was a failure long before IST. In fact IST and many anons here helped me improve my life over the last 6-7 years like >getting my degree >getting a job >stop being a neet >stop being a simp >stop being an incel (I'm a virgin now) >stop being so much of a schizo >start eating better and getting fit and jacked at my 40s
IST was the biggest improvement for me
Train for a body and strength level you can feel proud of
32 but agree, idk if I ever would have felt compelled to actually get IST if I hadn't gotten sucked into this shit hole
R*ddit certainly doesn't encourage improvement, BBF was a shithole but never a funny one, all that mainstream fitness 101 type shit written by Tony Gentilcore and other sōytacular cracked.com types makes me want to ram my head into a wall
Been here since 2013, took 3 years off between 2015-2018, then took 3 years off between 2020-2023
Now I’m back. I keep coming back because I don’t feel as “at home” anywhere else as I do here. >Facebook
Boomer tier >instagram
For teenage girls >leddit
For self obsessed morons who think they’re smarter than they really are >YouTube comments
Depends on channel, no community vibe. No jokes, no fun >twitter
Kek pls
For me it’s either here, or nothing. My life is busy atm regarding school and work so I’m more or less stuck inside and can’t afford to do much but soon when I earn more and have more time I have some more fun life activities planned like joining a basketball league. This reply got real blog like in a hurry but my point is there is no good place on the internet to spend your time. The best part of IST is the refreshing honesty. I get tired of the israeli/race bait shit but other than that coming here isn’t so bad
got off this place for a whole week simply because i was tired of it. things were looking up. then i get a fricking debilitating injury that will take weeks to heal and have frick else to do so here i am... again.
sigh.
This website makes me feel good, I'll just type a random snippet of my life and experiences and some ass will take time out of his life to type "nice larp gay"
As if my life is just too good to be true, ridiculous, this site is only fun if you have your shit together, if not leave and come back, it does get better bros
Probably because no one gives a shit? Like what is someone going to do with that image? You're just autistic and or paranoid, why you're on here in the first place, you scared little boy
>Like what is someone going to do with that image?
Determine her identiy with facial recognition software and go to your house at night with a group of large black BVLLs to take what is rightfully theirs? Or maybe you're into that sort of thing idk.
Socialising is a force of habit.
People who socialise "very easily" do it because they have done it a lot, and keep up doing it a lot.
If you compare yourself 1 week from now after you have socialised, had at least 3-5 conversations per day with people irl, you will see and feel a change.
t. autist who thought about this way too much and trial and error'd his way to Understanding
This, these phrases sound cheap, but they really can give you that extra drip of bravery needed to push yourself.
Also, why does everyone use this version and not the last one he gives about believing in the yourself that believes in you?
NTA but because believing in yourself is the core problem for low self esteemers. It's easier for someone with low self esteem to imagine that someone else believes in them.
It's all konfidunce at the end of the day, and konfidunce is just being self aware and having accurate evaluation of your own abilities. I worked a shitty labor job for years, I know exactly what my physical/mechanical abilities are in that field. When I see a rich chad office geek I look at him and know that he can't do what I can do. He may be richer and hotter and have much higher status than me but it doesn't bother me, because I know he can't even dig a proper hole in the dirt and that's something I'm really fricking good at. It's mostly this weird mindset that keeps me from being insecure and homosexual around others. Is it cope? Yes. Is it confidence? Also yes. People act respectful towards me and I'm happy so who gives a shit. Just be the best you that you can be, you owe it to yourself.
Simon wasn’t able to believe in himself but he was able to believe in Kamina. >When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
This isn’t about toys like the fricking moronic tradcath grifters throw out or even about marriage like the greater grift of the church itself. It is about the ability to think and understand. Kamina’s death was Simon’s thrust into adulthood. His reaction to the loss was him still being a child, it wasn’t until he met Nia that he was able to begin coping and growing from his loss. We see the full completion of the philosophy when Nia dies. People in general never escape the lower part, instead constantly look for outside validation. It is very rare a person can ever get to that point. However the child version is still very powerful and is enough to help people lead a higher life.
Lol kind of this
I set my dating profile location to SEA and it's just a constant barrage of somewhat cute girls calling me handsome when I'm like a 7 at max. Really great for the confidence, plus you get some penpals
>wake up early and do something difficult or that you really don’t wanna do. A walk without caffeine, cold shower, etc >achieve shit each week/make progress somewhere each week >set goals and complete them over time >fix anything you’re unhappy with
>height
Shit out of luck. However there is one thing regarding this you can change and it’s your outlook. Sure anyone would love to be tall, that’s normal. But the only thing worse than being short is being bitter and insecure over it. This is unironically why short guys tend to get into BJJ and boxing. Yes it can be a cope, but it stops being a cope when you can kill most tall people. You’ll stop giving a frick and have a different confidence. >hand size
Not a lot you can do, but wolfs law and shit is real. Lift heavy and over the years your hand musculature will build up and the bones will grow to accommodate the stresses. It’s a slow process, your hands will never be huge but they can get bigger. >jaw line
Massive protip: be lean, train neck. Neck equal to thickest part of jaw or face makes a symmetrical and overall more masculine appearance. >dize
See pic related, dudes dick is average and he’s rearranging guts, and my next 3 posts, I posted that a week or so ago and it’s factual. Be over 5” and you’re fine. Not even cope bullshit, just read the essays I post. >mental problems
Yeah it sucks same here. Most can be explained in some way. They take work. And while it’s your own responsibility to handle, it’s often not your fault and was caused by some adult while in your crucial years. Unironically therapy. 90% of them are scam artists and it’s a lot like dating, you have to go in with an open mindset and potentially leave for another one until you find one who’s good and who you click with. I used to be super against it after many bad experiences with them. Hit my breaking point and caved, got one this year and it’s actually helping me. Just make sure it’s a man.
Dick redpill 2
And I know, I mentioned my dick size being upper average. But I was lucky enough to grow from 5”x4.9” during my 20s I can confidently say it’s made little difference. Me learning how to actually frick is what made a difference
[...]
Dick redpill 2
And I know, I mentioned my dick size being upper average. But I was lucky enough to grow from 5”x4.9” during my 20s I can confidently say it’s made little difference. Me learning how to actually frick is what made a difference
Dick redpill 3, the fix for insecure dudes. Don’t rely too much on cialis, just use it on occasion for fun, and at least one time to realize what you’re capable of doing.
Now, all that being said if you’re truly small… then I’m sorry anon. At that point, stop caring about pleasing women and just worry about your own pleasure, and you’ll find that just maybe you meet a shallow pussied woman who is perfect for your size. They exist.
>height
Shit out of luck. However there is one thing regarding this you can change and it’s your outlook. Sure anyone would love to be tall, that’s normal. But the only thing worse than being short is being bitter and insecure over it. This is unironically why short guys tend to get into BJJ and boxing. Yes it can be a cope, but it stops being a cope when you can kill most tall people. You’ll stop giving a frick and have a different confidence. >hand size
Not a lot you can do, but wolfs law and shit is real. Lift heavy and over the years your hand musculature will build up and the bones will grow to accommodate the stresses. It’s a slow process, your hands will never be huge but they can get bigger. >jaw line
Massive protip: be lean, train neck. Neck equal to thickest part of jaw or face makes a symmetrical and overall more masculine appearance. >dize
See pic related, dudes dick is average and he’s rearranging guts, and my next 3 posts, I posted that a week or so ago and it’s factual. Be over 5” and you’re fine. Not even cope bullshit, just read the essays I post. >mental problems
Yeah it sucks same here. Most can be explained in some way. They take work. And while it’s your own responsibility to handle, it’s often not your fault and was caused by some adult while in your crucial years. Unironically therapy. 90% of them are scam artists and it’s a lot like dating, you have to go in with an open mindset and potentially leave for another one until you find one who’s good and who you click with. I used to be super against it after many bad experiences with them. Hit my breaking point and caved, got one this year and it’s actually helping me. Just make sure it’s a man.
[...]
Dick redpill 2
And I know, I mentioned my dick size being upper average. But I was lucky enough to grow from 5”x4.9” during my 20s I can confidently say it’s made little difference. Me learning how to actually frick is what made a difference
https://i.imgur.com/FzXcPoR.jpg
[...]
[...]
Dick redpill 3, the fix for insecure dudes. Don’t rely too much on cialis, just use it on occasion for fun, and at least one time to realize what you’re capable of doing.
Now, all that being said if you’re truly small… then I’m sorry anon. At that point, stop caring about pleasing women and just worry about your own pleasure, and you’ll find that just maybe you meet a shallow pussied woman who is perfect for your size. They exist.
alternatively, go to r/gettingbigger if you are really still that insecure, and it will make you even more insecure just like bodybuilding it's a bunch of big wiener freaks.
and yes, 5x5 is fine, unfortunately for me I'm 6.5 by fricking 4, but i'm working on it.
Also on how to self esteem maxx? >If I don't do X by AGE I will shoot myself in the head >Buy the weapon and ammo
Guess who lost 150 pounds in 15 months?
To bad it's coming around to have to do it again...
>Also on how to self esteem maxx? >If I don't do X by AGE I will shoot myself in the head >Buy the weapon and ammo >Guess who lost 150 pounds in 15 months? >To bad it's coming around to have to do it again...
Based. I did the same exact thing. Failed suicide attempt, that truly should not have failed no clue how I came out unscathed. Told myself “ okay let’s see what I’m made of, let’s see how far I can go by actually putting forth some effort into my life. If I don’t at least get some pussy, I’ll make 100% I don’t fail by age whatever”
Lose 120lbs in 12 months, start feeling not depressed or anxious anymore, start having women all over me and getting laid.
And same shit, I had to do it again. I reverted back after like 5 good years. Now it’s if I don’t unfrick myself by age 35. I actually don’t even want to die anymore. With my luck, or garfish Angel or whatever, I would survive a 10 story jump or go into a coma from failed hanging, live out an amazing and fulfilling life in the coma and suddenly wake up just fine 6 months later realizing there’s more to life.
Anyways, yeah this can be effective if you’re at the point nothing can change your mind, at least put effort into everything and search for happiness and if you feel the same, then cross that bridge once you’ve made changes and growth where necessary. I don’t think anyone should, but I’ve been there and I get it.
Reminds me of that story about the guy who drove to Mexico to to coke and frick hookers on his way out and then no longer wanted to off himself. It’s kind of like that experiment where they drowned the rats. We’re not too different. Some hope and realizing a happy life is attainable is all we need to push through the shit times or to bust ass to make great times again.
jokes on me i guess because I just felt more unhappy after the 150. I didnt gain it back, I still have 25 more to go and it's been 14 months.
but yeah i know exactly what you mean. I literally can't kill myself until I do the 3 things I planned on,
Abs / Money / Sex
2-6 / 500k-1m / 2-6 women
I don't even want it, I just refuse to kill myself because what if it gets better after its done.
But starting at 17, and now 20, I planned on killing myself at 23-25 at 12. So I may just end up saying frick it at 22 and going all out on something. Who knows. I'm already about to pin so who cares.
>Lose 120lbs in 12 months, start feeling not depressed or anxious anymore, start having women all over me and getting laid.
I lost 140lbs in two years, no women at all. What are you doing that I'm not? I'm as anxious as I've ever been (since I was a small child).
11 months ago
Anonymous
Also the loose skin is disgusting, there's no way I can take my shirt off in front of a woman. Even my legs have flaps of wrinkly loose skin hanging down to my knees.
11 months ago
Anonymous
The only solution is to become so muscly you fill the fat flaps, I do not envy your fate, although the end, glorious
11 months ago
Anonymous
Most of the loose skin is on my belly, can't fill that out unless I get roid gut.
11 months ago
Anonymous
Just get fat again and this time lose the weight more slowly
Or try a dry fast
11 months ago
Anonymous
When I finsihed that cut I was still anxious as hell, I could barely make sound come from my mouth with women. I just kept trying and embraced any embarrassment. I remember the first one I tried to ask out, she offered to drive me across the campus to where my car was, so I tried, and my voice got all high pitched started stuttering on every word “w-w-h-hey w-w-would y-you m-m-maybe w-wanna g-d—do s-somet-something a-and h-hang o-ou-out s-som-sometime?” Drenched in sweat instantly as we sat in her car. It was bad. She knew and was nice “awe sure anon” but nothing ever happened, she stopped talking to me and touching on me and shit during class.
Next one was similar. I forced myself to join a group of students who were doing something active on campus, befriended some. And through that circle started getting pussy, just making my goal to socialize and have fun. I stopped worrying about pussy, as long as I enjoyed my day or smiled/laughed at least once then I considered it a successful day. Eventually shit just lined up. Didnt even have to lower my standards, Ive only been with hot b***hes. I definitely could have pulled way more pussy than I did had I gotten that shit sorted out as a teenager like everyone else. But this was my first time socializing at all having friends.
And I STILL get a little anxious to this day, but I’ve also not done as much work as I could. I’ve reached a point idc about pussy or doing approaches. I’ve learned, sex is great, but if I don’t actually like the woman then I may as well just get a Fleshlight and cover myself in oil and spend the night with myself. I’d much rather, organically meet a woman who I actually like who I can actually have a good relationship with. And that’s rare.
So my advice is unironically be yourself. Do things that make you happy. Find a likeminded group. Socialize. Push yourself to do things you fear. If your entire goal is getting laid, you’ll be miserable even if successful.
11 months ago
Anonymous
Well you're at uni, it's easy to meet people there. I'm nearly 40, and live in the sticks, and work in a job full of old men. Where the frick do I even meet women?
Pubs are full of old men, annoying kids, or couples.
Allow me to be a little schizophrenic with you. >Failed suicide attempt, that truly should not have failed
If you genuinely tried, you still failed, and you came out with zero damage, your survival was not happenstance. >no clue how I came out unscathed
Whoever was watching over you decided to let you know in a more...direct fashion that your business around here is not finished yet. >With my luck
It's not "your" or "luck" for that matter. Don't get wienery. >I would survive a 10 story jump or go into a coma from failed hanging
You might not. First you get a hint, then you get a warning, then shit will happen. I think what already happened to you would go into the "warning" category.
I wager that there was a moment before your actual attempted roping, a moment when you were sort of getting to the point of offing yourself, but you saw/heard something, or had an odd thought, or whatever, and you stopped.
After getting a warning, if you genuinely try to die, you will be allowed to die, and no one will interfere. Do not push it.
Find motivation other than suicide. It can't be that hard. >inb4 what motivation
Idk, find something that you like and work towards it. Or slap yourself really hard in the face when you fail. It's not that complicated.
i went from 4.25 to 4.375 pumping for 5minutes 3-4x (stop after 10 minutes, but remain in the tube the whole time, and erect), 4-5 days a week in 3-4 weeks. which is the estimated rate of gain. avg 0.1inch per month, for a total of 1inch of gains, allegedly you lose 0.25 to 0.5 of what you have when you stop, so i want to hit 5.25 before I quit before a surgery in march to test if it lasts forever. (i lied about being 4.0)
all you want is to be 104-106% more girthy than your "natural girth" prior, then stop for the day.
i did it just to say frick it, i'm so suprised it actually worked, I tried doing manual shit when i was like 16 but was scared i was going to break my wiener, at 20 i said frick it and just bought the pump, 90 fricking dollar investment, honestly, it feels safer than a squat. just make sure not to kegel in it, enter erect, and buy a pressure gauge (beginner stay between 5-7hg, work up to 10? i like 7.5 personally)
go to the reddit and search for Interval Pumping / Interval Hanging , haven't hung yet though, I don't want 7 inches more than I want 5 inches atm.
11 months ago
Anonymous
I forgot to mention that, maybe I'm a freak who knows, but it feels amazing, I take pygeum so i unfortunately have to clean my pump when i'm done.
If you can, avoid needing porn in the pump. And try not to jack off more than 1x a day.
Also you may get some edema (your wiener gets watery and balloney), you want to avoid it as much as possible, it's anti-gainz.
Also make sure your midshaft is gaining too, as well as becareful of turkeyneck
Also NAC, Cialis, and Cittruline are good (literally anything you use for Pre-Gym pumps)
11 months ago
Anonymous
how much do you leak from pygeum? i took it before afew times but i didnt have too notable results
11 months ago
Anonymous
I forgot to mention that, maybe I'm a freak who knows, but it feels amazing, I take pygeum so i unfortunately have to clean my pump when i'm done.
If you can, avoid needing porn in the pump. And try not to jack off more than 1x a day.
Also you may get some edema (your wiener gets watery and balloney), you want to avoid it as much as possible, it's anti-gainz.
Also make sure your midshaft is gaining too, as well as becareful of turkeyneck
Also NAC, Cialis, and Cittruline are good (literally anything you use for Pre-Gym pumps)
No worries bro! The board for whiny little manchildren is over here --> /LULZ/
Come back when you're ready to ask questions in good faith and work on yourself instead of using incel copes. Hope you make it eventually
>rough but you’ll have to cope >women don’t care >women don’t care >women don’t care >unless it’s seizures then it’s your responsibility to fix your own behavioural issues
If your problems are unfixable, then the thing to aim for is to not let them bother you anymore. That comes with accepting reality for what it is and moving forward. All you can do is play the hand you're dealt to the best of your ability. All you're doing by letting this shit get to your head is making your hand even worse than it already is. Easier said than done but that's your goal.
Not that important irl, it's a bonus to be 6'0+ but it's not everything. Just go outside you'll see tons of manlets with gfs, just today at 7/11 when I was buying energy drinks I saw a 5'7 asian manlet with a cute white gf. If he posted here he would probably think it's over and be depressed.
It's just another dig the town of 12,000 enemies has on me. I get called manlet at 5'10, small dick, Babyface, homosexual, pedo all because of my mental illness and deciding to date a 17 year old girl.
Thanks for the thread frens but the propaganda has gotten to me. My brother with schizophrenia and arthritis needs me but I'm feeling goddamned dead inside and drank 4 days in a row, stopping only today to game with him and there was zero vibes. Just my depressed dead inside self wishing to lament alone
How does any of this prevent you from going on a nice walk outside and enjoying stuff?
Literally physically go touch grass and look at some bees. They're nice.
Cold turkey IST starting tonight.
>How does any of this prevent you from going on a nice walk outside and enjoying stuff?
Walking never fixed my mental problems. I went for a 30 mile walk last week and came home feeling just as shitty as before.
There's only 1 actual problem here which is the mental problems and the answer is going to therapy and doing a lot of introspection on where these issues arise (probably bad patterns in your formative years).
Nah it's being attacked while injured wit h debilitating injuries and forced to work and tormented by demonic coworkers and customers
Only healing and the pranayama helps
>reading comprehension of a highschooler
Zoomer spotted.
Doing that right as you open your eyes at 4am without having any caffeine isn’t the same as just doing it any other time. I never implied even slightly the action of walking itself was difficult.
anyone who says "how to ____maxx" is destined be a loser piece of shit for the rest of his life.
Otherwise you'd already be trying to improve yourself but you're already convinced it isnt worth the effort without being given some secret "redpill" that will solve your problems overnight
>anyone who says "X" is destined be a loser piece of shit for the rest of his life.
Anyone that makes black and white statements like these need re-evaluate them self. You are not that dumb that you think that specific thing matters that much for how a person's life unfolds. Rather you are just using it as a rhetorical tool to make a point. And if you are not doing that you where serious then you are very very not smart. The thing is that when you are a specific place with a specific set of people and you are famliar with their references, slang, way of speaking etc you automatically use their lingo to communicate with people. This is what socially sophisticated people do, they tend to be so good at it they just flow right in to an group. The fact he does it can be the complete opposite of what you said, its not something that makes him a loser but rather socially successful.
If there is anything that decreases self esteem its being surrounded by people that make these sort of negative generalizations that are simply not true. It is possible for people to train them self in to thinking like that, and that is how depressed people think. Part of treatment of depressed people is challenging and changing their overly negative thinking style. Clearly then being around people that has that negative thinking style can affect a person for the worse and have actual outcomes on the decisions and choices they make in their life.
1. Install https://getcoldturkey.com/ to prevent yourself from accessing this site
2. Go outside with a notebook and a pen and no phone and write a stream of consciousness. If you keep on thinking and reflecting on how your life is going, over the course of 30 minutes, you'll eventually hone in on what your issues are and you'll come up with a couple of steps to take on your own
The most important thing is to free your mind of distractions so you can concentrate on what's holding you back.
>The most important thing is to free your mind of distractions so you can concentrate on what's holding you back.
Stream of consciousness doesn't work if you have mental illness.
Picture gigachad or classy tuxedo Pepe holding a glass of champagne every time you do anything. Go to the gym and lift weights and get better at it. That's about the only practical advice I can give you. Why do you have low self esteem?
Your personality is maleable. Roleplay as someone with confidence and high self esteme for three months and eventually the act will become second nature. You won't have to think about putting on the act, it will happen on its own; like muscle memory. One day you'll wake up and realize the confident you is your "real" personality now.
>Roleplay as someone with confidence and high self esteme for three months and eventually the act will become second nature.
Based. This is how I figured out small talk. People always have a good impression of me now and I ace interviews even if I'm really nervous.
That's not how it works but okay.
It'd make for hell of a business if it was true though.
Yes it is. New behavioral patterns -> becomes habit, becomes what you are.
This aligns with the "manifestation" crowd, but really it's one of few ways to change yourself without continuos positive reinforcement
The positive reinforcement comes when you act good socially and people appreciate you. Your brain and physiology picks up on this and boosts your dopamine and serotonin. This is something voodoo or wacky. There are behavioral patterns, bodylanguage, conversational styles and things that work universally, there are behaviors that people do all over the world that all leads to positive regards from others, you can learn these and become the person that inhabits this, that IS this. And when you start doing it it will feel good, and you get in a positive reinforcement loop where you act good socially -> get good social feedback -> you feel good -> gets easier to socialize -> win -> win -> win
Dont let negative social blunders frick you up, dont go in a negative feedback loop just because you fricked up. Take note and adapt. Bad social encounter -> feel awkward -> be scared of other social encounter -> act awkward -> start fearing social situations because you think you are awkward -> avoiding social situations -> isolation -> depression -> you now really bad at social interactions
Turn it around, start stacking positive interactions.
I need more info on this please. I cant see myself from outside so i dont know why no matter what, dont get any validation. Its not only fro a social aspect, its gets shitty at work
confidence is highly correlated with competence. who knew getting good at something would increase your confidence?
so work towards something that your value. as you increase your skills, knowledge, experience, etc, you'll gain self-esteem because you can honestly be proud of what you're capable of.
Will learning a martial art increase confidence? I have a theory that a large part of my social anxiety in public places is because I'm afraid of getting killed in a random act of violence, and I think learning muay thai may help assuage that fear and increase my social level.
Yes it will, but not in the way you think. >it is uncomfortable, it hurts, it challenges you >it humbles you pretty quickly when some dyel manlet lands a proper bodyshot and you realise that even a twink can drop you >it teaches you situational awareness (you get a gut feeling for violence and will avoid it) >you'll learn to deal with failures and you get immediate hurtful feedback for your mistakes >you will be surrounded by high test men and you will adapt some of their behaviour
This was incredibly cringe and I can’t believe I read it all. It just boils down the same advice as ever. >Do things which you are uncomfortable to do or think about doing.
It’s good advice but it didn’t need that many pages lol.
Like I said, it is a free book and a quick read. Still more value than watching some show on Netflix.
Now find another book, read it and compare it with the advice you've already read. Or you could google book notes other people wrote about all the self-help, self-improvement, mindset, confidence books
There are countless books written on that topic with theory, techniques, principles, challenges and advice.
Just read a few and try the thing suggested in these books.
Here is one for free I read ten years ago. It is a really short read but addresses a few important points. Print it out, sit outside in the sun and read it. Get a tan and some knowledge.
https://raouldify.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/2011_1203-the-flinch.pdf
This was incredibly cringe and I can’t believe I read it all. It just boils down the same advice as ever. >Do things which you are uncomfortable to do or think about doing.
It’s good advice but it didn’t need that many pages lol.
I remember reading this book years ago. For everyone that's not going to read it, it sums down to: >Have something to do but don't want to do it >Don't let yourself continuously flinch at the idea of doing it, instead jump right in.
Honestly great advice, helped me so much when I was in school & for initially forcing myself into the gym when I was younger
I think social media (definitely including IST (IST might be the worst considering the amount of demoralisation threads)) and isolation are bad for self esteem
drink vodka until you’re confident
don’t listen to morons who say alcohol is bad for you, the real killer or man is stress and artificial chemicals. all those 115 year old world record old people drink and smoke all day.
yeah bro you sound like a pussy
dont worry i used to be like that at one point, then I watched rocky and that inspired me to stop being a little homosexual so I quit whining about what was already done and kept on working hard
i also watched dragon ball and became like goku, except instead of fighting I think about sex and train for that purpose
since I'm horny and fit I feel like the king of the world pretty much all the time
Self esteem is bad for you. You shouldn't have any view of yourself, whether good or bad. If you view yourself in too positive of a light you'll get wienery, too negative, and you'll be depressed.
Instead, you should remove yourself from the equation entirely. If you ever have a thought like 'damn I can't go to x event because it's for social people who have money blah blah' just stop thinking about who you are. Imagine 'you' are a body you're controlling, it's the body of someone who asked you to do things in their stead. You care deeply about this person and this body, and so you take actions for them that they can't take. They might have thought they didn't have what it takes to go to that event, or talk to that girl, it doesn't matter, they're not in charge, 'you' are. It might be their body, but you get to decide what it does.
In short, take the schizopill and become your own bodysnatcher.
Thats a fricking moronic example. If i was controlling someone else and the prospects came up of them going to a social event, i would not direct them towards it because i as the controller have no experience in that area as to make it work or giving a frick to pursue that.
Get in touch with your demons, sort out issues with your parents, process trauma, feel scary emptions, face fears, and finally be comfortable beeing yourself. It's that simple (and difficult)
>sort out issues with your parents
How do you even go about this if your parents are narcissist or selfish? I've tried doing this before and they just act like they've done nothing wrong or it was my fathers fault or visa versa my dad blaming my mother. I've heard so much about dealing with past trauma but how exactly do you go about that when neither side is willing to take fricking responsibility for your head up?
Go to group therapy and really process your childhood and think how it affects you now. Try to ask yourself what emotions you're avoiding feeling, what you think your parents did to you, what you get out of unconsciously holding on to the trauma they gave you. At first you're gonna probably hate them even more but once you start to really feel the painful emotions you've been voiding and being honest in front of people you'll start to feel more human. Then you'll be more able to be vulnerable with others and honest with yourself, but it'll take a while. Realize that even though it's not fair the lot you were given it's now your responsibility to manage it but you can't manage it until you really get clear about what your issues actually are. Which is hard. I can recommend resources if you want.
For whatever reason I don't respond well to things being given, but want to earn things. This leads to the issue of 'earning Love' or 'earning Grace',
also why I respond better to conditional/hot-n-cold love and gets me trapped in unhealthy/oneway relations.
Any ideas as to why and how. cure this? Thanks and God Bless
You probably dislike yourself and have low self-esteem, which means that you have never considered that you may have inherent worth, thus you think that only what you can provide/do for other people has value. Therefore, you are content with receiving conditional love because you see it as a trade of services, which makes sense in your head (you are nice to me so I'll be nice to you).
You are discontent with receiving unconditional love because you see it as either:
A. a debt to be repaid in the future (you did something nice for me now, I have to do something nice for you in the future in order to be even)
B. a manipulation attempt (you're doing something nice for me now because you think you stand to gain something from me without my knowledge in the future)
Point A makes you feel like shit because it sucks to be indebted, point B makes you feel suspicious because you think the other person is trying to take advantage of you. Having been in several of these oneway relationships has only ingrained this mindset deeper and made your self-esteem problems worse. >how 2 fix
Improov, learn to like yourself, and find people who genuinely enjoy your company (aka they're willing to be nice to you even if you don't provide them with anything).
Thanks for putting it so eloquently, gotta learn how to trust those who 'genuinely' like me and begin to accept with open hands. Feels counter to my nature at this point but hopefully I learn my worth and to enjoy who I am.
>except for family members and kids
You'd be surprised how easily your own family will cast you out for opposing them or living a lifestyle they don't like.
ok bro i'll help you a bit since yesterday I was feelin pretty sad c**t but after today no more
self esteem comes from reaching goals. it could be career, work, money or girls. in my case I have all three but I fail with girls (i'm a turboautist)
>facemaxxing and 12% bf help a lot >be yourself and start speaking with women; just try to keep eye contact and focus in keeping control of the situation, nothing more >get a wingman if you aren't confident enough by yourself >if that wingman is another girl, much better because preselection >keep doing it till failure
today some chick at the mall wanted my dick so bad
didn't care because idgaf about girls just wanted the confidence boost
I've been told I have the lowest self-esteem "for no reason," especially for being an "above average looking guy." If it ever comes up about why I think I have a hard time dating, and I say it's because I'm a weird looking dude people just laugh at me or roll their eyes.
Yet growing up I had girls telling me I was ugly, and to this day I still have a hard time getting dates, and don't find opportunities like my friends do. I just don't get it.
>build confidence upon a series of small successes >understand that there is always someone better than you, but also always someone worse than you >realize that the validation from women dont matter and that they can easily be tricked
I'll give you one self-esteem hack that covers a few principles at the same time
The only benchmark you should compare yourself to is the past YOU. Try to become a better version of yourself compared to the version of yourself last week.
This automatically gives you realistic and easy to achieve goals.
Your lifts of last week? Try to improve. More weight, maybe a set more, maybe even just one rep more.
You studied for two hours last week to further your career? Repeat. Maybe do three hours.
You got rejected last week at the bar? Try it again this weekend. Try it twice, even if it means you get rejected twice.
You had zero drinks last week? Smoked no cigarettes? Stay sober for another day. It is just one day, easy to accomplish.
With this approach you are creating continuous improvements. A positive feeback loop. Even if those "improvements" are tiny you'll have a significant compounding effect after a year because you practice it daily.
There is a book on self-esteem called "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden
The six pillars are:
I: The Practice of Living Consciously
II: The Practice of Self Acceptance
III: The Practice of Self Responsibility
IV: The Practice of Self Assertiveness
V: The Practice of Living Purposefully
VI: The Practice of Personal Integrity
Now think about how many of those pillars are covered with this approach?
I agree that tracking how you improve is a good way to improve self-esteem, but what if your current self, despite all that improvement, is still not enough? I'm not delusional about life, so the kind of man I need to be in order to feel happy is a very, very distant thing on the horizon. Yeah, I do improve, but I'm still not what I need to be. So it doesn't work for me. I can't accept it either, because the sense of fulfillment can only come after getting what you want, everything else is delusion really. If you're not attractive enough to have a gf, you'll never feel attractive no matter how much improvement you do, you know what I mean?
You might do so much for yourself and still get the same results. But still, gotta keep going.
>but what if your current self, despite all that improvement, is still not enough? > I'm not delusional about life, so the kind of man I need to be in order to feel happy is a very, very distant thing on the horizon.
What is your definition of good enough?
What are you currently? And what do you feel you need to be in order to get gf? >Yeah, I do improve, but I'm still not what I need to be. So it doesn't work for me. I can't accept it either, because the sense of fulfillment can only come after getting what you want, everything else is delusion really.
Is fulfillment what you need for self esteem? Are those two things the same?
I'm going to be direct with you. Life is not fair and never will be. It was always a struggle and you have thousands of years in history and thought reinforcing this. Accept it.
What you are describing is exactly the mindset that keeps you stagnant because you are aiming way too high in your head. Like a virgin frozen with fear and avoiding a kiss because in his mind he is already jumping ahead to the sex part. What if my dick is too small? What if I cum too quick? It is just a kiss. What I described is a method to shift your mindset away from an overwhelming 'fixed goal' towards a manageable process. This gives you control. As soon as you start practicing it you will learn to enjoy the process.
I don't see how I could move past that stagnation you mentioned, because I improve and I'm still in the same miserable state. I look a bit better and women don't care. I improved other things and people don't care, nobody talks to me. It's that point where you realize you have to become super extraordinary to really see the results, otherwise it's gonna be the same shit over and over again. I can tell you I'm gonna be 2 times better, and I'm still gonna be alone. Because truthfully I have to be 10 times better. I do envy those that can feel a bit better after breaking a bench record, for me it's just a means to an end.
>I can tell you I'm gonna be 2 times better, and I'm still gonna be alone.
Exactly. Because its not about how good you are. There are other factors at play.
>I look a bit better and women don't care. >I improved other things and people don't care, nobody talks to me.
You are seeking approval externally. This is your problem.
Do you look better than last year? Yes? Good job. Better than last month? No? Well time to stick to your diet and training.
People don't talk to you? Why should they talk to you? Let us pretend we are in that Fight Club scene where Tyler Durden and the protagonist meet for the first time in the plane. What makes you more interesting than the entertainment system in front of me?
Serious question: What was the most interesting thing happened to you last week?
From my experience (countless guys in my social circle/family) most people are boring as frick. 99% of the topics I encounter are work, sports, politics and entertainment. Have you watched the game yesterday? That new Netflix show? How is work? The economy is bad, am I right?
You know, when you have those grandiose expectations for yourself, you have to essentially develop the god complex in order to match them, or rather to feel like you can match them. That is what keeps me together, albeit it's more like a duct tape situation. Without that I am no one and I have nothing. My whole self esteem comes from feeling like I'm destined to do great things, because if I'm not, then I might as well die now, there is nothing that awaits me at the end if I'm not so great I can't be ignored.
To live with such burden and have no one to cheer for you, I just hope for one moment where I can feel human.
11 months ago
Anonymous
Di you suffer abuse and/or trauma in young age?
11 months ago
Anonymous
Yeah, bullied and my parents argued a frickton and neglected me, so basically coming back from school was coming back from one hellscape to another. Such upbringing only reinforces the feeling of insignificance and inferiority, it really does make sense for me to be the way I am now that I think about it. I don't have anyone in my life that could help me be different. I already feel like I'm at my limit on my own.
11 months ago
Anonymous
Okay this is a bit complex and i have a hard time articulating it properly. But this might be worth knowing for you. And its also just an interesting perspective on current online culture and what is wrong with a lot of self improvement.
Based on the things you said that is what i thought. What you write in this post is basically how people with narcissistic personality disorder are. (i am not saying you have that, it does not mean you do). What basically happens to people with narcissism in young age is that they never get the love and mirroring that they need in order to build their self esteem and feel good about them self(just a basic feeling of i am okay, people love me and i am good enough). And often they are demeaned and attacked which further destroys their inner self. What then happens is that they try to be perfect and high achievers as a way to try and be "good enough"/or better then everyone else. They think if they can just become better then everyone else then they will finally be alright. When nobody can demean them anymore because they are so obviously great humans and much better then everyone else! Finally then they can be okay. But they can't, because what they lack is the basic acceptance and love that every human should be given by their parents in early age and especially by the mother and if they never get that they then become narcissists as a way to cope. You write "i just hope for one moment where i can feel human", that is the feeling that your parents should have given you in your early formative years, throughout your childhood. That is the basic "i am human, i am worthy of love, i am good enough". You will NEVER get that by being a high achiever. It does not matter what high achievements you will never get that. You are falling in to the trap of the narcissistic way of solving the problem of lack of self love and also responding to bullying/demeaning/humiliation.
11 months ago
Anonymous
[...]
As cringe as it sounds, you need to learn self love and acceptance and you should seriously consider therapy. I dont know if therapy with your parents would be possible or helpful but it would be a worth a try. You should check out Richard Grannon on youtube he deals with those kind of things.
And, how this ties in to modern self improvement culture is that, the thought is that "you just have to self improve your self and then you will good enough" and its a toxic mindset because for so many people they are good enough. The only thing wrong with them is their self esteem or their lack of self acceptance. And you get people saying shit like this (no offence anon) [...] >You are seeking approval externally. This is your problem.
Wrong.
His assumption is that your mentally ill viewpoint of your self is correct. (if you can just become exceptional you will get love. (false)) And this is also what al those narcissistic mentally ill internet gurus tell their followers.
Its wrong. Most people in the sphere needs to accept them self. Yeah you should strive to get better, get educated, get fit, do cool shit and all that. But hey, you should realize you are just an average dude and there is nothing wrong with that because average dudes live happy lives with love from family friends and girlfriends and you don't have to be more then that to get laid or be happy in this world. The chase for excellence is a cope and a mental ill it self that will destroy you and rob you of the very thing you are actually doing it for.
Accept your self, you are good enough, you don't have to be the best. Just be a good version of you. Really.
I don't disagree with this and to some extent I'm aware of it at all times, but I can't change my mentality unless there's an evidence that makes it valid. If you kiss a girl, but she still tells you she's not interested in anything beyond that, and you kept getting that, it only reinforces the idea that you're not enough. How can I think otherwise if life proves to me time and time again that I'm not okay? The only time I feel good, as in actually good is when I achieve something, so I might as well follow that path.
I agree that trying to patch the holes like that is not the healthiest approach, but it's the only one that makes me keep going. If there was at least one person who honestly made me feel I'm good enough, maybe it would be easier for me to think differently. But there wasn't, isn't, and won't be.
11 months ago
Anonymous
Okay this is a bit complex and i have a hard time articulating it properly. But this might be worth knowing for you. And its also just an interesting perspective on current online culture and what is wrong with a lot of self improvement.
Based on the things you said that is what i thought. What you write in this post is basically how people with narcissistic personality disorder are. (i am not saying you have that, it does not mean you do). What basically happens to people with narcissism in young age is that they never get the love and mirroring that they need in order to build their self esteem and feel good about them self(just a basic feeling of i am okay, people love me and i am good enough). And often they are demeaned and attacked which further destroys their inner self. What then happens is that they try to be perfect and high achievers as a way to try and be "good enough"/or better then everyone else. They think if they can just become better then everyone else then they will finally be alright. When nobody can demean them anymore because they are so obviously great humans and much better then everyone else! Finally then they can be okay. But they can't, because what they lack is the basic acceptance and love that every human should be given by their parents in early age and especially by the mother and if they never get that they then become narcissists as a way to cope. You write "i just hope for one moment where i can feel human", that is the feeling that your parents should have given you in your early formative years, throughout your childhood. That is the basic "i am human, i am worthy of love, i am good enough". You will NEVER get that by being a high achiever. It does not matter what high achievements you will never get that. You are falling in to the trap of the narcissistic way of solving the problem of lack of self love and also responding to bullying/demeaning/humiliation.
As cringe as it sounds, you need to learn self love and acceptance and you should seriously consider therapy. I dont know if therapy with your parents would be possible or helpful but it would be a worth a try. You should check out Richard Grannon on youtube he deals with those kind of things.
And, how this ties in to modern self improvement culture is that, the thought is that "you just have to self improve your self and then you will good enough" and its a toxic mindset because for so many people they are good enough. The only thing wrong with them is their self esteem or their lack of self acceptance. And you get people saying shit like this (no offence anon)
>I look a bit better and women don't care. >I improved other things and people don't care, nobody talks to me.
You are seeking approval externally. This is your problem.
Do you look better than last year? Yes? Good job. Better than last month? No? Well time to stick to your diet and training.
People don't talk to you? Why should they talk to you? Let us pretend we are in that Fight Club scene where Tyler Durden and the protagonist meet for the first time in the plane. What makes you more interesting than the entertainment system in front of me?
Serious question: What was the most interesting thing happened to you last week?
From my experience (countless guys in my social circle/family) most people are boring as frick. 99% of the topics I encounter are work, sports, politics and entertainment. Have you watched the game yesterday? That new Netflix show? How is work? The economy is bad, am I right?
>You are seeking approval externally. This is your problem.
Wrong.
His assumption is that your mentally ill viewpoint of your self is correct. (if you can just become exceptional you will get love. (false)) And this is also what al those narcissistic mentally ill internet gurus tell their followers.
Its wrong. Most people in the sphere needs to accept them self. Yeah you should strive to get better, get educated, get fit, do cool shit and all that. But hey, you should realize you are just an average dude and there is nothing wrong with that because average dudes live happy lives with love from family friends and girlfriends and you don't have to be more then that to get laid or be happy in this world. The chase for excellence is a cope and a mental ill it self that will destroy you and rob you of the very thing you are actually doing it for.
Accept your self, you are good enough, you don't have to be the best. Just be a good version of you. Really.
11 months ago
Anonymous
How the frick do you call my advice wrong and reinforce my points in the rest of the post.
Like I said here
I'm going to be direct with you. Life is not fair and never will be. It was always a struggle and you have thousands of years in history and thought reinforcing this. Accept it.
What you are describing is exactly the mindset that keeps you stagnant because you are aiming way too high in your head. Like a virgin frozen with fear and avoiding a kiss because in his mind he is already jumping ahead to the sex part. What if my dick is too small? What if I cum too quick? It is just a kiss. What I described is a method to shift your mindset away from an overwhelming 'fixed goal' towards a manageable process. This gives you control. As soon as you start practicing it you will learn to enjoy the process.
life is not fair and you should accept it. I never encouraged anybody to be exceptional, I never implied that you 'destined to do great things'. My whole theory and advice has YOURSELF as the benchmark with no fixed goals. It is an open ended process. Due to this mental shift you are avoiding comparing yourself to 'exceptional standards'.
11 months ago
Anonymous
[...]
As cringe as it sounds, you need to learn self love and acceptance and you should seriously consider therapy. I dont know if therapy with your parents would be possible or helpful but it would be a worth a try. You should check out Richard Grannon on youtube he deals with those kind of things.
And, how this ties in to modern self improvement culture is that, the thought is that "you just have to self improve your self and then you will good enough" and its a toxic mindset because for so many people they are good enough. The only thing wrong with them is their self esteem or their lack of self acceptance. And you get people saying shit like this (no offence anon) [...] >You are seeking approval externally. This is your problem.
Wrong.
His assumption is that your mentally ill viewpoint of your self is correct. (if you can just become exceptional you will get love. (false)) And this is also what al those narcissistic mentally ill internet gurus tell their followers.
Its wrong. Most people in the sphere needs to accept them self. Yeah you should strive to get better, get educated, get fit, do cool shit and all that. But hey, you should realize you are just an average dude and there is nothing wrong with that because average dudes live happy lives with love from family friends and girlfriends and you don't have to be more then that to get laid or be happy in this world. The chase for excellence is a cope and a mental ill it self that will destroy you and rob you of the very thing you are actually doing it for.
Accept your self, you are good enough, you don't have to be the best. Just be a good version of you. Really.
>Richard Grannon on youtube
I want to add that this suggestion is a good one. Worth checking out his videos.
11 months ago
Anonymous
Dude im the same fricking way. If i cant accomplish my goals i might as well be dead.
>I look a bit better and women don't care. >I improved other things and people don't care, nobody talks to me.
You are seeking approval externally. This is your problem.
Do you look better than last year? Yes? Good job. Better than last month? No? Well time to stick to your diet and training.
People don't talk to you? Why should they talk to you? Let us pretend we are in that Fight Club scene where Tyler Durden and the protagonist meet for the first time in the plane. What makes you more interesting than the entertainment system in front of me?
Serious question: What was the most interesting thing happened to you last week?
From my experience (countless guys in my social circle/family) most people are boring as frick. 99% of the topics I encounter are work, sports, politics and entertainment. Have you watched the game yesterday? That new Netflix show? How is work? The economy is bad, am I right?
I don’t know but I’m trying trauma release exercises. They’re relaxing but it’s early days for me, only tried a few times. It’s taken me a while but I now believe I have cPTSD due to whatever way I was raised. Both parents are distant, I can’t ever remember being hugged or kissed. At least I wasn’t physically abused, although I do remember being picked up by my ear once…
I can also vouch for metta meditation, once after a long session I was out for a walk and felt totally at peace with myself and the world rather than anxious/alert. I distinctly remember catching a girls gaze for a few seconds and smiling and her smiling back. Normally I’d just avoid looking at people but it felt so natural. Unfortunately I kind of hit a wall with metta and got bored and replaced it with bad habits.
Myself for 15 minutes and then my best friend for another 15 minutes. Its important that the person you choose isn’t a family member or someone you’re attracted to.
Books: >Technological Slavery - Ted Kaczynski >Thus Spake Zarathusra - Friedrich Nietzsche >Nicomachean Ethics - Aristotle >Meditations - Marcus Aurelius >The Prince - Niccolo Machiavelli >The Bhagavad Gita >The Republic - Plato
Film/TV: >Fight Club >Natural Born Killers >500 Days Of Summer >Pearl >Cowboy Bebop >Spartacus (2004) >Gladiator (2000)
Activities: >Mountain climbing >Forest hiking >Camping >Long distance cycling/motorcycle riding >Drawing >Sculpting >Reading about aesthetics and art history
If you want to be high test, you have to MKULTRA yourself into becoming a high test dude. The first step is to come to terms with the fact that you're a lazy, insecure, weak loser. Then, you begin looking for and consuming whatever non-pozzed depictions of unbridled high test you can find. Here's my recommendation. 7 books, 7 movies, 7 activities. Try to emulate the personality traits you see in all this stuff, but within reason. You will NOT behave like a c**t. You will NOT commit crimes to impress women. You will NOT be a self-destructive raging chud. Just understand the fact that men with high self-esteem literally don't give a shit. They live life knowing full well that they've got a plan B and a plan C up their sleeve if something goes wrong. Just stop giving a shit and remember that one meme about the frog in a tuxedo. Stop giving a shit and do what YOU want, with utmost conviction and passion. Nobody will call you cringe unless you radiate insecurity.
Where are the friends? Where is meeting new people? Where is belonging to, being respected in, and meaningfully contributing towards a group or community you want to see succeed? Where is anyone going to meet the future mother of his children doing all that lonesome stuff? Your advice sucks. Another useless book, another solitary hobby, spending another day by oneself, acquiring all this information and skill for fricking nothing and nobody, until he dies. Frick you.
First you have to mold yourself into a person that people would find attractive and interesting, then you can socialize. Otherwise there's no point in sitting quielty in the corner, with growing resentment towards yourself and others.
Jesus christ this thread alone boosts my self esteem just because of all the literal virgins and shit half you anons are saying. I don't need it but god damn.
Anyway anons, the trick is to be motivated and successful. If you can't do either of those, then start there. Once you get some ground, being confident is easy, because I know I am the fricking man. It's not some mental trick... I am accomplished, successful, and good looking. The confidence comes naturally.
>low self esteem due to suffering extreme child abuse and being sequestered at home from 8th grade to 18 >schizophrenia from being forced to take drugs growing up
What makes you think you have low self esteem? The list you wrote is not something a low self esteem person is capable of writing. I think you're just remembering the low self esteem version of child that you were, you're confused right now because being an amazing successful man is unfamiliar. Assuming you're in your 20s you lived most of your life as an insecure loser so right now what you have is not fake; it's unfamiliar.
t.abused child that got incredibly good genetics and now I'm a literal gigachad radiating happiness
You frickin b***h. Im a fat b***h with b***h breasts and dick health problems and I frick literal 10s bro. How do I do it? Idk. Skill issue. Let that shit motivate you. That a manboob fatass is fricking the girls you want. Imagine what I could do with your ripped body bro. How the frick can you not be confident?! b***h ass
>just be confident bro
At the end of the day confidence and self-esteem have to come from somewhere and taking any sort of fair analysis of my history, the best that could be said is that well I'm a nice person and I guess also have a great deal of common sense and intelligence in a small handful of areas.
Confidence has to come from some sort of justification somewhere, otherwise it's just a big lie. Trying to sort of deceive yourself in one sense while knowing the reality in another in a cognitive dissonance, is very unlikely to end well. If you could get some of the boosts that confidence undoubtedly gives such as being positive and going around on a high, a test boost also I'm sure, without lying to yourself about it, that would be the ideal.
Avoid degrees that were just created for trends shit like "internet of things", AI, crypto....
Choose a degree that has a stable history, decades of demand, most likely it is something boring.
The less women study something, the bigger is your future earning potential (rule of thumb).
Go to the gym and meditate/pray are the most important things. Once divinity is proud of your body then you will have all the validation you need before you even go and talk to anyone.
As an added bonus, I have improved my self-talk by listening to affirmations in the morning. Here's one I love: https://youtu.be/L2VEjOsua0s
Try and get enough sunshine, too. When the Sun smiles at people from behind your eyes, they can't help but love you.
I can't understand self-esteem.
I don't have it, why I should love myself? it seems like I'm a pretty shitty person. no gf. so why should I love me?
I can't understand how there's people in this world that just wake up and go like "b***h I'm fabulous" and believe it.
How can I even have self esteem as an Incel manlet? I’m 5/10 face but I’ll probably never be desired or wanted since I’m too short and mid face. How do I stop being a virgin?
I did this, I exceeded my goals. it never works.
either my goals are unreachable, or once I get them I think: >if I made it, anybody can, so it is worthless
I could be the first man on Mars and still don't give a frick. >I did nothing, engineers took me here
Self esteem comes from feeling good about your life situation. It should come from within, and not from validation by friends/family/strangers.
I have friends that are in their 30s, never achieved anything, never worked, no degree and just leech from their parents and have self esteem off the charts.
Just try to change the things you don't like about yourself and learn to love yourself. If even you don't love yourself, how can you expect somebody else to love you.
>Conversely, how can you love yourself if no-one else does?
You have to be the kind of person you’d enjoy to be around. You can’t expect other people to like you, but you can always improve your own self-image.
Winning, doesn't matter what. Lots of winning
Winning a game you play with friends, dressing like boss, profit on a sale, getting a girl's number and banging her, getting a watch you couldn't afford last year, winning a random drunk fist fight...
Struggle and win, and not with a videogame even though that also feels good the moment you turn it off it al vanishes
You're right, but now that I think about it, I've known nothing but defeat these past years. I ask girls out, they meet but then reject me. I don't make money, I don't have friends, the only thing I did was playing competitive games and being good at those, that's the only time I truly felt victory, but I don't even do it now. So there's nothing. But agreed, gotta create that winning streak somehow.
Start by developing a skill to a point beyond just competence. It can be literally anything but if you're genuinely passionate about it, and good at it, it helps.
>At the point that when things start going my way or I have an actually decent day I worry about what’s about to go wrong in my life to re balance things to being shit
Had semi productive day, took today off my diet for mental break, had genuine laughs for the first time in years, clutched a battle Royal game and won for the first time as the last alive, ex called me and I feel nothing not calling back either.
First day in a long time where I didn’t feel like a depressed piece of shit. And I’m basically blowing it by expecting things to go really bad soon like it’s been in the past when I started feeling happy.
I’m 5’7 and 5/10 face and everyone thinks I’m weird and I was bullied in school. I’m a virgin at age 20, don’t even really have friends. How to stop being a loser? I don’t even try approaching women because I just assume I’ll be rejected anyways
A lack of self esteem caused me to end up in my current position of a 31 year old complete loser. Never had the self-esteem to initiate friendships, initiate the steps to a relationship (31 khv never been on a date), caused me to perform poorly in college, caused me to get and stay with a horrible job, caused me to never find any skills or hobbies. And then it's a positive feedback loop where you don't have self-esteem, it makes you feel like a loser, it makes you perform like a loser, then being a loser makes you not have self esteem.
Same here but 38. Still live at home, have zero social life. Can't sleep properly because I spend three hours in bed every night thinking about how shit my life is.
>Can't sleep properly because I spend three hours in bed every night thinking about how shit my life is.
Three hours is bad. But I have similar issues if I wake up in the middle of the night like 3-4 AM, I used to be able to get right back to sleep, but now I lie awake for at least an hour because in the dark and silence all I can think about is how pathetic my life is. Basically it's wake up miserable, spend the day miserable, go home miserable, literally the only happiness I feel in the day is the time between turning the lights off and lying in bed before sleeping, but then if I wake up in the middle of the night I don't even get peace in that.
I hope I kill myself before I get to your age. I cannot imagine more years of this. I already wasted and ruined all of my teens and 20s.
[...]
Anons, my life is not great but I would say that instead of focusing on the negative you should refocus on what you can do and what is within your realm to control, ie: you can control your diet and weight loss. It is very difficult but you can do it. Take things slow. Accept that building positive momentum will take time. The lessons from CBT are helpful in identifying your thought patterns so you're able to refocus them.
>instead of focusing on the negative
It is impossible not to focus on the negative when it's literally your entire life and has been for as long as you can remember. I have literally not had a single positive thing I can think of since I was probably a child.
For the longest time I was proud because I never gave up and killed myself. That was the ONLY thing I could think of to be proud of so I used it.
I know the world is bleak and full of shit and I know how it feels to lose year after year. Focusing on those losses will forever keep you down, you understand that much I'm sure. Sit down and think of 1 thing you are proud of yourself for. I won't ask you to flip your entire mental process into suddenly only engaging with the positive and ignoring the negative. But seriously sit and think of something you can be fully proud of about yourself. There will be something.
Same here but 38. Still live at home, have zero social life. Can't sleep properly because I spend three hours in bed every night thinking about how shit my life is.
Anons, my life is not great but I would say that instead of focusing on the negative you should refocus on what you can do and what is within your realm to control, ie: you can control your diet and weight loss. It is very difficult but you can do it. Take things slow. Accept that building positive momentum will take time. The lessons from CBT are helpful in identifying your thought patterns so you're able to refocus them.
>Anons, my life is not great but I would say that instead of focusing on the negative you should refocus on what you can do and what is within your realm to control, ie: you can control your diet and weight loss
I did that, I lost 140lbs. More miserable than ever. It didn't fix any of my mental problems. I can't control my thoughts.
It all just goes back to childhood trauma. Some people got what they needed and others didn't. Your entire world revolves around those years and whether or not you're able to overcome the programming that made you who you are today.
you just know so many people here are complete dyels, my self esteem really improved from getting strong and big over the years, people come up to me in the gym and randomly complement me, I know just about all the serious regulars in my gym
I like to browse blackpillscience on reddit, it is a huge ego boost when they complain and post scientific articles about women prefering my exact penis size, height, and body.
Yeah incels are right about women but they are either too ugly or defeatist to take advantage of them. If you are 3/10 ugly 5'3 with small penis literally just deal drugs and maybe rob tyrone(stacys girlfriend) and women will want you. Women are attracted to violence.
I'm attractive but mentally ill and they think it's conscious while it's subconscious due to long-term injury
Mofukin pranayama helps doe
homies be wildin
Shit hurts
Frick off c**ts
Get off this site forever
This
Also this
This, but only do this after doing the first thing.
>learn to stand up for yourself
who's gonna teach you?
Honestly its been 11 years or so since i first found this place and I'm getting to the point were I just want to quit. homosexuals here enjoy being miserable and puttinf others down.
bro ive been here 10 and feel the same, I'm feeling that slow decaying rot in my brain with this place, I believe you can only quit when you truly want to and its getting there, I really hope this continues and I can do so
I've been here 15 years, and this place is getting worse every year. Especially if you compare it to 2011-2013. Now it's a shadow of its former self.
I think that IST is bad for you also in the same way social media and other internet forums are also bad for you. It serves as fake social interaction and gives instant gratification. It makes you feel empty because you get all that quick dopamine stimulation, like you do from loot video games like mmorpgs and hack and slash rpgs. It leaves you with anhedonia unable to even do the most mundane stuff, and also functions as a way of escapism and procrastination to do the things you need to do and get furher in life.
I've tried qutting it cold turkey a couple of times, but it always end up with finding something else on the internet that can have my attention, whether it be vydia games or chats or whatever. I know that to get away from here, I have to build up a foundation around me I can rely on to not get back into this addictive place. Sort of like they do for people in rehab. If you just stuck people in rehab and have no plan for follow up, they're just going to relapse because they haven't really got anything else. It's the same for IST. You've got to have a plan for something else to feel the emptiness with.
Absolutely. You need something to fill the time void that quitting IST leaves. Read, write, draw, touch grass, other hobbies, etc.
None of those replace the social part of IST though. Those fulfill other needs. IST fulfills the same need as any other social media, which is the desire to feel connected to others
>IST fulfills the [...] desire to feel connected to others
Conversations here are based on anonymity. How much healthy human connection are you really getting here. It won't replace real world interactions.
outright says It serves as fake social interaction and gives instant gratification.
Without IST I would quite literally have no one to talk to, and that would make me insane. And I'm quite sociable when I want, it's just not fun if you're not the mogger.
I don't disagree with you. My point was it's a less good social outlet than having friends. But my point was that books, hobbies, etc. do not replace going on IST but having a real social life does. I have come around on this place over the years. What's so bad about it? I do have some friends in real life, but I find even that unfulfilling as it is mostly centered around drinking, which I don't like. I assume you probably feel likewise since you're on IST.
IRL is the fake one though, this is why we're all so addicted to this
Been here 7 years and I'm on the verge of leaving. I am thankful for this site and the anons but I can't stay with what I have in mind for myself.
Its not a permanent leave of course but something very long.
See you space cowboy.
Mainly this board
Do hard shit YOU value.
I think this website makes you more miserable when you're miserable, but if you have your shit together it's amusing really, because you experience real life enough where you know exactly who's talking out of their ass, and who's at least somewhat right.
Self-esteem (the healthy kind) is about feeling capable and strong. Work on anything that makes you feel that way, it's as simple as that really.
>if you have your shit together it's amusing really, because you experience real life enough where you know exactly who's talking out of their ass, and who's at least somewhat right.
The older I get and the more life experience I have the more painfully obvious it becomes that no joke probably 95% of this site is loser neet larpers and/or underage.
I cannot 100% confirm or deny this claim.
I've been off this site for months at times, and barely anything changed. Then, there have been periods where I'd post daily and improve. And also the other way around.
I don't think IST impacts your life as much as you think. It's a time sinkhole, though. To mitigate this refrain yourself from shitposting needlessly and try to learn as much as possible from actual threads made by actual people who MIGHT have something interesting to say.
Bump for interest, I'm a 44 year old virgin turbo autist.
>IST made me a loser
Wrong. I was a failure long before IST. In fact IST and many anons here helped me improve my life over the last 6-7 years like
>getting my degree
>getting a job
>stop being a neet
>stop being a simp
>stop being an incel (I'm a virgin now)
>stop being so much of a schizo
>start eating better and getting fit and jacked at my 40s
IST was the biggest improvement for me
Train for a body and strength level you can feel proud of
32 but agree, idk if I ever would have felt compelled to actually get IST if I hadn't gotten sucked into this shit hole
R*ddit certainly doesn't encourage improvement, BBF was a shithole but never a funny one, all that mainstream fitness 101 type shit written by Tony Gentilcore and other sōytacular cracked.com types makes me want to ram my head into a wall
>Train for a body and strength level you can feel proud of
That doesn't work if you still have mental problems.
>stop being an incel (I'm a virgin now)
Uh your still incel by definition dog.
Been here since 2013, took 3 years off between 2015-2018, then took 3 years off between 2020-2023
Now I’m back. I keep coming back because I don’t feel as “at home” anywhere else as I do here.
>Facebook
Boomer tier
>instagram
For teenage girls
>leddit
For self obsessed morons who think they’re smarter than they really are
>YouTube comments
Depends on channel, no community vibe. No jokes, no fun
>twitter
Kek pls
For me it’s either here, or nothing. My life is busy atm regarding school and work so I’m more or less stuck inside and can’t afford to do much but soon when I earn more and have more time I have some more fun life activities planned like joining a basketball league. This reply got real blog like in a hurry but my point is there is no good place on the internet to spend your time. The best part of IST is the refreshing honesty. I get tired of the israeli/race bait shit but other than that coming here isn’t so bad
Dude this is the most virgin post I've ever heard, it's literally virginity and failure postified (in the form of a post).
I'd take his advice.
basically this
I miss the old internet forums, aka the golden age
got off this place for a whole week simply because i was tired of it. things were looking up. then i get a fricking debilitating injury that will take weeks to heal and have frick else to do so here i am... again.
sigh.
This website makes me feel good, I'll just type a random snippet of my life and experiences and some ass will take time out of his life to type "nice larp gay"
As if my life is just too good to be true, ridiculous, this site is only fun if you have your shit together, if not leave and come back, it does get better bros
Is that your wife and son? Good on you man im proud of you. They hate you for being white and unvaxxed you two should pop out another to spite them
He's larping hard while jerking off with sandpaper.
See what I mean?
If you're larping that's just sad, if you aren't larping it's still sad. Why would you post a pic of your wife and son on IST what are you moronic?
Probably because no one gives a shit? Like what is someone going to do with that image? You're just autistic and or paranoid, why you're on here in the first place, you scared little boy
>Like what is someone going to do with that image?
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/8ciZy0avXNo
Oh no what is he gonna do.
If your gf is hot people are jerking to her regardless of what you do, grow up kid
Damn you're defensive, you insecure or something?
>Like what is someone going to do with that image?
Determine her identiy with facial recognition software and go to your house at night with a group of large black BVLLs to take what is rightfully theirs? Or maybe you're into that sort of thing idk.
>it does get better bros
When? I'm 38 and my life just gets worse with age.
BELIEVE IN THE ME THAT BELIEVES IN YOU
Socialising is a force of habit.
People who socialise "very easily" do it because they have done it a lot, and keep up doing it a lot.
If you compare yourself 1 week from now after you have socialised, had at least 3-5 conversations per day with people irl, you will see and feel a change.
t. autist who thought about this way too much and trial and error'd his way to Understanding
also, naturally
This, these phrases sound cheap, but they really can give you that extra drip of bravery needed to push yourself.
Also, why does everyone use this version and not the last one he gives about believing in the yourself that believes in you?
NTA but because believing in yourself is the core problem for low self esteemers. It's easier for someone with low self esteem to imagine that someone else believes in them.
It's all konfidunce at the end of the day, and konfidunce is just being self aware and having accurate evaluation of your own abilities. I worked a shitty labor job for years, I know exactly what my physical/mechanical abilities are in that field. When I see a rich chad office geek I look at him and know that he can't do what I can do. He may be richer and hotter and have much higher status than me but it doesn't bother me, because I know he can't even dig a proper hole in the dirt and that's something I'm really fricking good at. It's mostly this weird mindset that keeps me from being insecure and homosexual around others. Is it cope? Yes. Is it confidence? Also yes. People act respectful towards me and I'm happy so who gives a shit. Just be the best you that you can be, you owe it to yourself.
Simon wasn’t able to believe in himself but he was able to believe in Kamina.
>When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
This isn’t about toys like the fricking moronic tradcath grifters throw out or even about marriage like the greater grift of the church itself. It is about the ability to think and understand. Kamina’s death was Simon’s thrust into adulthood. His reaction to the loss was him still being a child, it wasn’t until he met Nia that he was able to begin coping and growing from his loss. We see the full completion of the philosophy when Nia dies. People in general never escape the lower part, instead constantly look for outside validation. It is very rare a person can ever get to that point. However the child version is still very powerful and is enough to help people lead a higher life.
move to south east asia
You mean east europe. Unless you mean move to SEA so you are mogging the locals.
Lol kind of this
I set my dating profile location to SEA and it's just a constant barrage of somewhat cute girls calling me handsome when I'm like a 7 at max. Really great for the confidence, plus you get some penpals
>wake up early and do something difficult or that you really don’t wanna do. A walk without caffeine, cold shower, etc
>achieve shit each week/make progress somewhere each week
>set goals and complete them over time
>fix anything you’re unhappy with
>height
>hand size
>jawline
>dick size
>Unexplained mental problems
How
Nah it’s over
>height
Shit out of luck. However there is one thing regarding this you can change and it’s your outlook. Sure anyone would love to be tall, that’s normal. But the only thing worse than being short is being bitter and insecure over it. This is unironically why short guys tend to get into BJJ and boxing. Yes it can be a cope, but it stops being a cope when you can kill most tall people. You’ll stop giving a frick and have a different confidence.
>hand size
Not a lot you can do, but wolfs law and shit is real. Lift heavy and over the years your hand musculature will build up and the bones will grow to accommodate the stresses. It’s a slow process, your hands will never be huge but they can get bigger.
>jaw line
Massive protip: be lean, train neck. Neck equal to thickest part of jaw or face makes a symmetrical and overall more masculine appearance.
>dize
See pic related, dudes dick is average and he’s rearranging guts, and my next 3 posts, I posted that a week or so ago and it’s factual. Be over 5” and you’re fine. Not even cope bullshit, just read the essays I post.
>mental problems
Yeah it sucks same here. Most can be explained in some way. They take work. And while it’s your own responsibility to handle, it’s often not your fault and was caused by some adult while in your crucial years. Unironically therapy. 90% of them are scam artists and it’s a lot like dating, you have to go in with an open mindset and potentially leave for another one until you find one who’s good and who you click with. I used to be super against it after many bad experiences with them. Hit my breaking point and caved, got one this year and it’s actually helping me. Just make sure it’s a man.
Dick redpill 2
And I know, I mentioned my dick size being upper average. But I was lucky enough to grow from 5”x4.9” during my 20s I can confidently say it’s made little difference. Me learning how to actually frick is what made a difference
Dick redpill 3, the fix for insecure dudes. Don’t rely too much on cialis, just use it on occasion for fun, and at least one time to realize what you’re capable of doing.
Now, all that being said if you’re truly small… then I’m sorry anon. At that point, stop caring about pleasing women and just worry about your own pleasure, and you’ll find that just maybe you meet a shallow pussied woman who is perfect for your size. They exist.
Thanks penis-anon. I'm on the smaller end and I needed to hear this.
Dick redpill 1
alternatively, go to r/gettingbigger if you are really still that insecure, and it will make you even more insecure just like bodybuilding it's a bunch of big wiener freaks.
and yes, 5x5 is fine, unfortunately for me I'm 6.5 by fricking 4, but i'm working on it.
Also on how to self esteem maxx?
>If I don't do X by AGE I will shoot myself in the head
>Buy the weapon and ammo
Guess who lost 150 pounds in 15 months?
To bad it's coming around to have to do it again...
>Also on how to self esteem maxx?
>If I don't do X by AGE I will shoot myself in the head
>Buy the weapon and ammo
>Guess who lost 150 pounds in 15 months?
>To bad it's coming around to have to do it again...
Based. I did the same exact thing. Failed suicide attempt, that truly should not have failed no clue how I came out unscathed. Told myself “ okay let’s see what I’m made of, let’s see how far I can go by actually putting forth some effort into my life. If I don’t at least get some pussy, I’ll make 100% I don’t fail by age whatever”
Lose 120lbs in 12 months, start feeling not depressed or anxious anymore, start having women all over me and getting laid.
And same shit, I had to do it again. I reverted back after like 5 good years. Now it’s if I don’t unfrick myself by age 35. I actually don’t even want to die anymore. With my luck, or garfish Angel or whatever, I would survive a 10 story jump or go into a coma from failed hanging, live out an amazing and fulfilling life in the coma and suddenly wake up just fine 6 months later realizing there’s more to life.
Anyways, yeah this can be effective if you’re at the point nothing can change your mind, at least put effort into everything and search for happiness and if you feel the same, then cross that bridge once you’ve made changes and growth where necessary. I don’t think anyone should, but I’ve been there and I get it.
Reminds me of that story about the guy who drove to Mexico to to coke and frick hookers on his way out and then no longer wanted to off himself. It’s kind of like that experiment where they drowned the rats. We’re not too different. Some hope and realizing a happy life is attainable is all we need to push through the shit times or to bust ass to make great times again.
>garfish Angel
My fricking sides I made picrel just now
aw. cute
jokes on me i guess because I just felt more unhappy after the 150. I didnt gain it back, I still have 25 more to go and it's been 14 months.
but yeah i know exactly what you mean. I literally can't kill myself until I do the 3 things I planned on,
Abs / Money / Sex
2-6 / 500k-1m / 2-6 women
I don't even want it, I just refuse to kill myself because what if it gets better after its done.
But starting at 17, and now 20, I planned on killing myself at 23-25 at 12. So I may just end up saying frick it at 22 and going all out on something. Who knows. I'm already about to pin so who cares.
>Lose 120lbs in 12 months, start feeling not depressed or anxious anymore, start having women all over me and getting laid.
I lost 140lbs in two years, no women at all. What are you doing that I'm not? I'm as anxious as I've ever been (since I was a small child).
Also the loose skin is disgusting, there's no way I can take my shirt off in front of a woman. Even my legs have flaps of wrinkly loose skin hanging down to my knees.
The only solution is to become so muscly you fill the fat flaps, I do not envy your fate, although the end, glorious
Most of the loose skin is on my belly, can't fill that out unless I get roid gut.
Just get fat again and this time lose the weight more slowly
Or try a dry fast
When I finsihed that cut I was still anxious as hell, I could barely make sound come from my mouth with women. I just kept trying and embraced any embarrassment. I remember the first one I tried to ask out, she offered to drive me across the campus to where my car was, so I tried, and my voice got all high pitched started stuttering on every word “w-w-h-hey w-w-would y-you m-m-maybe w-wanna g-d—do s-somet-something a-and h-hang o-ou-out s-som-sometime?” Drenched in sweat instantly as we sat in her car. It was bad. She knew and was nice “awe sure anon” but nothing ever happened, she stopped talking to me and touching on me and shit during class.
Next one was similar. I forced myself to join a group of students who were doing something active on campus, befriended some. And through that circle started getting pussy, just making my goal to socialize and have fun. I stopped worrying about pussy, as long as I enjoyed my day or smiled/laughed at least once then I considered it a successful day. Eventually shit just lined up. Didnt even have to lower my standards, Ive only been with hot b***hes. I definitely could have pulled way more pussy than I did had I gotten that shit sorted out as a teenager like everyone else. But this was my first time socializing at all having friends.
And I STILL get a little anxious to this day, but I’ve also not done as much work as I could. I’ve reached a point idc about pussy or doing approaches. I’ve learned, sex is great, but if I don’t actually like the woman then I may as well just get a Fleshlight and cover myself in oil and spend the night with myself. I’d much rather, organically meet a woman who I actually like who I can actually have a good relationship with. And that’s rare.
So my advice is unironically be yourself. Do things that make you happy. Find a likeminded group. Socialize. Push yourself to do things you fear. If your entire goal is getting laid, you’ll be miserable even if successful.
Well you're at uni, it's easy to meet people there. I'm nearly 40, and live in the sticks, and work in a job full of old men. Where the frick do I even meet women?
Pubs are full of old men, annoying kids, or couples.
Allow me to be a little schizophrenic with you.
>Failed suicide attempt, that truly should not have failed
If you genuinely tried, you still failed, and you came out with zero damage, your survival was not happenstance.
>no clue how I came out unscathed
Whoever was watching over you decided to let you know in a more...direct fashion that your business around here is not finished yet.
>With my luck
It's not "your" or "luck" for that matter. Don't get wienery.
>I would survive a 10 story jump or go into a coma from failed hanging
You might not. First you get a hint, then you get a warning, then shit will happen. I think what already happened to you would go into the "warning" category.
I wager that there was a moment before your actual attempted roping, a moment when you were sort of getting to the point of offing yourself, but you saw/heard something, or had an odd thought, or whatever, and you stopped.
After getting a warning, if you genuinely try to die, you will be allowed to die, and no one will interfere. Do not push it.
Find motivation other than suicide. It can't be that hard.
>inb4 what motivation
Idk, find something that you like and work towards it. Or slap yourself really hard in the face when you fail. It's not that complicated.
>i'm working on it
made any progress? I'm just slightly girthier than you and man its fricking depressing
i went from 4.25 to 4.375 pumping for 5minutes 3-4x (stop after 10 minutes, but remain in the tube the whole time, and erect), 4-5 days a week in 3-4 weeks. which is the estimated rate of gain. avg 0.1inch per month, for a total of 1inch of gains, allegedly you lose 0.25 to 0.5 of what you have when you stop, so i want to hit 5.25 before I quit before a surgery in march to test if it lasts forever. (i lied about being 4.0)
all you want is to be 104-106% more girthy than your "natural girth" prior, then stop for the day.
i did it just to say frick it, i'm so suprised it actually worked, I tried doing manual shit when i was like 16 but was scared i was going to break my wiener, at 20 i said frick it and just bought the pump, 90 fricking dollar investment, honestly, it feels safer than a squat. just make sure not to kegel in it, enter erect, and buy a pressure gauge (beginner stay between 5-7hg, work up to 10? i like 7.5 personally)
go to the reddit and search for Interval Pumping / Interval Hanging , haven't hung yet though, I don't want 7 inches more than I want 5 inches atm.
I forgot to mention that, maybe I'm a freak who knows, but it feels amazing, I take pygeum so i unfortunately have to clean my pump when i'm done.
If you can, avoid needing porn in the pump. And try not to jack off more than 1x a day.
Also you may get some edema (your wiener gets watery and balloney), you want to avoid it as much as possible, it's anti-gainz.
Also make sure your midshaft is gaining too, as well as becareful of turkeyneck
Also NAC, Cialis, and Cittruline are good (literally anything you use for Pre-Gym pumps)
how much do you leak from pygeum? i took it before afew times but i didnt have too notable results
thanks g
Give up.
No worries bro! The board for whiny little manchildren is over here --> /LULZ/
Come back when you're ready to ask questions in good faith and work on yourself instead of using incel copes. Hope you make it eventually
good luck u will need it
>rough but you’ll have to cope
>women don’t care
>women don’t care
>women don’t care
>unless it’s seizures then it’s your responsibility to fix your own behavioural issues
If your problems are unfixable, then the thing to aim for is to not let them bother you anymore. That comes with accepting reality for what it is and moving forward. All you can do is play the hand you're dealt to the best of your ability. All you're doing by letting this shit get to your head is making your hand even worse than it already is. Easier said than done but that's your goal.
Worrying about things you can't change is unnecessary
>height
Not that important irl, it's a bonus to be 6'0+ but it's not everything. Just go outside you'll see tons of manlets with gfs, just today at 7/11 when I was buying energy drinks I saw a 5'7 asian manlet with a cute white gf. If he posted here he would probably think it's over and be depressed.
It's just another dig the town of 12,000 enemies has on me. I get called manlet at 5'10, small dick, Babyface, homosexual, pedo all because of my mental illness and deciding to date a 17 year old girl.
Thanks for the thread frens but the propaganda has gotten to me. My brother with schizophrenia and arthritis needs me but I'm feeling goddamned dead inside and drank 4 days in a row, stopping only today to game with him and there was zero vibes. Just my depressed dead inside self wishing to lament alone
How does any of this prevent you from going on a nice walk outside and enjoying stuff?
Literally physically go touch grass and look at some bees. They're nice.
Cold turkey IST starting tonight.
>How does any of this prevent you from going on a nice walk outside and enjoying stuff?
Walking never fixed my mental problems. I went for a 30 mile walk last week and came home feeling just as shitty as before.
dude just go outside and suddenly you’ll be happy and your depressed will be saved
There's only 1 actual problem here which is the mental problems and the answer is going to therapy and doing a lot of introspection on where these issues arise (probably bad patterns in your formative years).
Nah it's being attacked while injured wit h debilitating injuries and forced to work and tormented by demonic coworkers and customers
Only healing and the pranayama helps
>do something difficult
>like a walk
lol
>reading comprehension of a highschooler
Zoomer spotted.
Doing that right as you open your eyes at 4am without having any caffeine isn’t the same as just doing it any other time. I never implied even slightly the action of walking itself was difficult.
Step outside of your comfort zone, conquer your demons, learn to stand up for yourself.
You will only grow through facing hardships and beating them.
After that, you will learn to love yourself
>You will only grow through facing hardships
Im at this point most of my life, but the beating them part never occurs.
keep trying
It was never supposed to be easy
If it's easy, then it won't change you
anyone who says "how to ____maxx" is destined be a loser piece of shit for the rest of his life.
Otherwise you'd already be trying to improve yourself but you're already convinced it isnt worth the effort without being given some secret "redpill" that will solve your problems overnight
>anyone who says "X" is destined be a loser piece of shit for the rest of his life.
Anyone that makes black and white statements like these need re-evaluate them self. You are not that dumb that you think that specific thing matters that much for how a person's life unfolds. Rather you are just using it as a rhetorical tool to make a point. And if you are not doing that you where serious then you are very very not smart. The thing is that when you are a specific place with a specific set of people and you are famliar with their references, slang, way of speaking etc you automatically use their lingo to communicate with people. This is what socially sophisticated people do, they tend to be so good at it they just flow right in to an group. The fact he does it can be the complete opposite of what you said, its not something that makes him a loser but rather socially successful.
If there is anything that decreases self esteem its being surrounded by people that make these sort of negative generalizations that are simply not true. It is possible for people to train them self in to thinking like that, and that is how depressed people think. Part of treatment of depressed people is challenging and changing their overly negative thinking style. Clearly then being around people that has that negative thinking style can affect a person for the worse and have actual outcomes on the decisions and choices they make in their life.
tdlr
1. Install https://getcoldturkey.com/ to prevent yourself from accessing this site
2. Go outside with a notebook and a pen and no phone and write a stream of consciousness. If you keep on thinking and reflecting on how your life is going, over the course of 30 minutes, you'll eventually hone in on what your issues are and you'll come up with a couple of steps to take on your own
The most important thing is to free your mind of distractions so you can concentrate on what's holding you back.
>The most important thing is to free your mind of distractions so you can concentrate on what's holding you back.
Stream of consciousness doesn't work if you have mental illness.
What worked for me was martial arts.
Go to an MMA gym a few times a week. Knowing how to fight better than 99% of people makes you confident.
Is there any point in me learning martial art as a manlet? I did. boxing and some taekwondo
BJJ if you catch my drift
Picture gigachad or classy tuxedo Pepe holding a glass of champagne every time you do anything. Go to the gym and lift weights and get better at it. That's about the only practical advice I can give you. Why do you have low self esteem?
Your personality is maleable. Roleplay as someone with confidence and high self esteme for three months and eventually the act will become second nature. You won't have to think about putting on the act, it will happen on its own; like muscle memory. One day you'll wake up and realize the confident you is your "real" personality now.
That's not how it works but okay.
It'd make for hell of a business if it was true though.
hehehehe
>Roleplay as someone with confidence and high self esteme for three months and eventually the act will become second nature.
Based. This is how I figured out small talk. People always have a good impression of me now and I ace interviews even if I'm really nervous.
This aligns with the "manifestation" crowd, but really it's one of few ways to change yourself without continuos positive reinforcement
I am actually gonna try this. I somehow stopped doing this unnoticed. Thank you anon.
Yes it is. New behavioral patterns -> becomes habit, becomes what you are.
The positive reinforcement comes when you act good socially and people appreciate you. Your brain and physiology picks up on this and boosts your dopamine and serotonin. This is something voodoo or wacky. There are behavioral patterns, bodylanguage, conversational styles and things that work universally, there are behaviors that people do all over the world that all leads to positive regards from others, you can learn these and become the person that inhabits this, that IS this. And when you start doing it it will feel good, and you get in a positive reinforcement loop where you act good socially -> get good social feedback -> you feel good -> gets easier to socialize -> win -> win -> win
Dont let negative social blunders frick you up, dont go in a negative feedback loop just because you fricked up. Take note and adapt. Bad social encounter -> feel awkward -> be scared of other social encounter -> act awkward -> start fearing social situations because you think you are awkward -> avoiding social situations -> isolation -> depression -> you now really bad at social interactions
Turn it around, start stacking positive interactions.
I need more info on this please. I cant see myself from outside so i dont know why no matter what, dont get any validation. Its not only fro a social aspect, its gets shitty at work
Fake it till you make it. Oldest and most-proven skill in the book.
Doesn’t work if you are under 6ft
Luckily I'm 6'1"
Get more testosterone. That’s literally it.
Im fricking trying but I'm injured and mentally ill because of it and attacked 24/7
confidence is highly correlated with competence. who knew getting good at something would increase your confidence?
so work towards something that your value. as you increase your skills, knowledge, experience, etc, you'll gain self-esteem because you can honestly be proud of what you're capable of.
Will learning a martial art increase confidence? I have a theory that a large part of my social anxiety in public places is because I'm afraid of getting killed in a random act of violence, and I think learning muay thai may help assuage that fear and increase my social level.
>Will learning a martial art increase confidence?
It can, if trained the right way. Don't rush into sparring.
random acts of violence can still occur anon
Yes it will, but not in the way you think.
>it is uncomfortable, it hurts, it challenges you
>it humbles you pretty quickly when some dyel manlet lands a proper bodyshot and you realise that even a twink can drop you
>it teaches you situational awareness (you get a gut feeling for violence and will avoid it)
>you'll learn to deal with failures and you get immediate hurtful feedback for your mistakes
>you will be surrounded by high test men and you will adapt some of their behaviour
Like I said, it is a free book and a quick read. Still more value than watching some show on Netflix.
Now find another book, read it and compare it with the advice you've already read. Or you could google book notes other people wrote about all the self-help, self-improvement, mindset, confidence books
There are countless books written on that topic with theory, techniques, principles, challenges and advice.
Just read a few and try the thing suggested in these books.
Here is one for free I read ten years ago. It is a really short read but addresses a few important points. Print it out, sit outside in the sun and read it. Get a tan and some knowledge.
https://raouldify.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/2011_1203-the-flinch.pdf
This was incredibly cringe and I can’t believe I read it all. It just boils down the same advice as ever.
>Do things which you are uncomfortable to do or think about doing.
It’s good advice but it didn’t need that many pages lol.
I remember reading this book years ago. For everyone that's not going to read it, it sums down to:
>Have something to do but don't want to do it
>Don't let yourself continuously flinch at the idea of doing it, instead jump right in.
Honestly great advice, helped me so much when I was in school & for initially forcing myself into the gym when I was younger
Running or jogging. For me pushing through a tough run puts me on top of the world.
if you stop thinking you have low self esteem, you stop thinking you have low self esteem.
Endure until you are stuck in "I don't give a frick mode" and do shit you usually wouldn't. I am close.
Go to massage parlors
It is truly a mindset
wish I knew, i thought getting jacked would help, it did to an extent but still not enough.
Fake it till you make it
I think social media (definitely including IST (IST might be the worst considering the amount of demoralisation threads)) and isolation are bad for self esteem
drink vodka until you’re confident
don’t listen to morons who say alcohol is bad for you, the real killer or man is stress and artificial chemicals. all those 115 year old world record old people drink and smoke all day.
I just drank vodka to get though work today and the femoids fell for me because I didn't like them
first, empty your brain
then think about breasts all day
and work out a lot
I'll just forget about the subconscious psychological damage from being injured and harassed at work and at my house 24/7..
yeah bro you sound like a pussy
dont worry i used to be like that at one point, then I watched rocky and that inspired me to stop being a little homosexual so I quit whining about what was already done and kept on working hard
i also watched dragon ball and became like goku, except instead of fighting I think about sex and train for that purpose
since I'm horny and fit I feel like the king of the world pretty much all the time
I’ve been there. A lot. Use it as motivation to prove them wrong. Because when you feel like shit, they win. And you shouldn’t give them a win.
Cranial-sacral therapy if you can't modify your posture on your own.
Self esteem is bad for you. You shouldn't have any view of yourself, whether good or bad. If you view yourself in too positive of a light you'll get wienery, too negative, and you'll be depressed.
Instead, you should remove yourself from the equation entirely. If you ever have a thought like 'damn I can't go to x event because it's for social people who have money blah blah' just stop thinking about who you are. Imagine 'you' are a body you're controlling, it's the body of someone who asked you to do things in their stead. You care deeply about this person and this body, and so you take actions for them that they can't take. They might have thought they didn't have what it takes to go to that event, or talk to that girl, it doesn't matter, they're not in charge, 'you' are. It might be their body, but you get to decide what it does.
In short, take the schizopill and become your own bodysnatcher.
>take the schizopill and become your own bodysnatcher
this is called dissociation and it does not end well
you're just jelly you can't snatch bodies
High self-esteem is the same as none, in the way that you don't feel healthy body parts or at least don't think about them, you feel the ones in pain.
Thats a fricking moronic example. If i was controlling someone else and the prospects came up of them going to a social event, i would not direct them towards it because i as the controller have no experience in that area as to make it work or giving a frick to pursue that.
phenibut
>real answer incoming
Achieve things while you increase your test with nofap, lifting and learning to fight (boxing, muay thai,etc. Not mac dojos).
Hehe haven't you heard OP?
hehe
I literally can’t have any self esteem because I’m a virgin
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You're funny, anon.
Get in touch with your demons, sort out issues with your parents, process trauma, feel scary emptions, face fears, and finally be comfortable beeing yourself. It's that simple (and difficult)
>sort out issues with your parents
How do you even go about this if your parents are narcissist or selfish? I've tried doing this before and they just act like they've done nothing wrong or it was my fathers fault or visa versa my dad blaming my mother. I've heard so much about dealing with past trauma but how exactly do you go about that when neither side is willing to take fricking responsibility for your head up?
Go to group therapy and really process your childhood and think how it affects you now. Try to ask yourself what emotions you're avoiding feeling, what you think your parents did to you, what you get out of unconsciously holding on to the trauma they gave you. At first you're gonna probably hate them even more but once you start to really feel the painful emotions you've been voiding and being honest in front of people you'll start to feel more human. Then you'll be more able to be vulnerable with others and honest with yourself, but it'll take a while. Realize that even though it's not fair the lot you were given it's now your responsibility to manage it but you can't manage it until you really get clear about what your issues actually are. Which is hard. I can recommend resources if you want.
For whatever reason I don't respond well to things being given, but want to earn things. This leads to the issue of 'earning Love' or 'earning Grace',
also why I respond better to conditional/hot-n-cold love and gets me trapped in unhealthy/oneway relations.
Any ideas as to why and how. cure this? Thanks and God Bless
You probably dislike yourself and have low self-esteem, which means that you have never considered that you may have inherent worth, thus you think that only what you can provide/do for other people has value. Therefore, you are content with receiving conditional love because you see it as a trade of services, which makes sense in your head (you are nice to me so I'll be nice to you).
You are discontent with receiving unconditional love because you see it as either:
A. a debt to be repaid in the future (you did something nice for me now, I have to do something nice for you in the future in order to be even)
B. a manipulation attempt (you're doing something nice for me now because you think you stand to gain something from me without my knowledge in the future)
Point A makes you feel like shit because it sucks to be indebted, point B makes you feel suspicious because you think the other person is trying to take advantage of you. Having been in several of these oneway relationships has only ingrained this mindset deeper and made your self-esteem problems worse.
>how 2 fix
Improov, learn to like yourself, and find people who genuinely enjoy your company (aka they're willing to be nice to you even if you don't provide them with anything).
Thanks for putting it so eloquently, gotta learn how to trust those who 'genuinely' like me and begin to accept with open hands. Feels counter to my nature at this point but hopefully I learn my worth and to enjoy who I am.
>unconditional love
No such thing, except for family members and kids
>except for family members and kids
You'd be surprised how easily your own family will cast you out for opposing them or living a lifestyle they don't like.
>No such thing, except for family members
You clearly didn't have neglectful parents.
>No such thing
ftfy
You forgot yourself, which is the most important
ok bro i'll help you a bit since yesterday I was feelin pretty sad c**t but after today no more
self esteem comes from reaching goals. it could be career, work, money or girls. in my case I have all three but I fail with girls (i'm a turboautist)
>facemaxxing and 12% bf help a lot
>be yourself and start speaking with women; just try to keep eye contact and focus in keeping control of the situation, nothing more
>get a wingman if you aren't confident enough by yourself
>if that wingman is another girl, much better because preselection
>keep doing it till failure
today some chick at the mall wanted my dick so bad
didn't care because idgaf about girls just wanted the confidence boost
I've been told I have the lowest self-esteem "for no reason," especially for being an "above average looking guy." If it ever comes up about why I think I have a hard time dating, and I say it's because I'm a weird looking dude people just laugh at me or roll their eyes.
Yet growing up I had girls telling me I was ugly, and to this day I still have a hard time getting dates, and don't find opportunities like my friends do. I just don't get it.
>build confidence upon a series of small successes
>understand that there is always someone better than you, but also always someone worse than you
>realize that the validation from women dont matter and that they can easily be tricked
Sense of self worth. Try metta meditations until you truly love yourself. Develop true compassion towards yourself and others around you
become a woman.
they usually have overinflated egos.
I'll give you one self-esteem hack that covers a few principles at the same time
The only benchmark you should compare yourself to is the past YOU. Try to become a better version of yourself compared to the version of yourself last week.
This automatically gives you realistic and easy to achieve goals.
Your lifts of last week? Try to improve. More weight, maybe a set more, maybe even just one rep more.
You studied for two hours last week to further your career? Repeat. Maybe do three hours.
You got rejected last week at the bar? Try it again this weekend. Try it twice, even if it means you get rejected twice.
You had zero drinks last week? Smoked no cigarettes? Stay sober for another day. It is just one day, easy to accomplish.
With this approach you are creating continuous improvements. A positive feeback loop. Even if those "improvements" are tiny you'll have a significant compounding effect after a year because you practice it daily.
There is a book on self-esteem called "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden
The six pillars are:
I: The Practice of Living Consciously
II: The Practice of Self Acceptance
III: The Practice of Self Responsibility
IV: The Practice of Self Assertiveness
V: The Practice of Living Purposefully
VI: The Practice of Personal Integrity
Now think about how many of those pillars are covered with this approach?
I agree that tracking how you improve is a good way to improve self-esteem, but what if your current self, despite all that improvement, is still not enough? I'm not delusional about life, so the kind of man I need to be in order to feel happy is a very, very distant thing on the horizon. Yeah, I do improve, but I'm still not what I need to be. So it doesn't work for me. I can't accept it either, because the sense of fulfillment can only come after getting what you want, everything else is delusion really. If you're not attractive enough to have a gf, you'll never feel attractive no matter how much improvement you do, you know what I mean?
You might do so much for yourself and still get the same results. But still, gotta keep going.
>but what if your current self, despite all that improvement, is still not enough?
> I'm not delusional about life, so the kind of man I need to be in order to feel happy is a very, very distant thing on the horizon.
What is your definition of good enough?
What are you currently? And what do you feel you need to be in order to get gf?
>Yeah, I do improve, but I'm still not what I need to be. So it doesn't work for me. I can't accept it either, because the sense of fulfillment can only come after getting what you want, everything else is delusion really.
Is fulfillment what you need for self esteem? Are those two things the same?
I'm going to be direct with you. Life is not fair and never will be. It was always a struggle and you have thousands of years in history and thought reinforcing this. Accept it.
What you are describing is exactly the mindset that keeps you stagnant because you are aiming way too high in your head. Like a virgin frozen with fear and avoiding a kiss because in his mind he is already jumping ahead to the sex part. What if my dick is too small? What if I cum too quick? It is just a kiss. What I described is a method to shift your mindset away from an overwhelming 'fixed goal' towards a manageable process. This gives you control. As soon as you start practicing it you will learn to enjoy the process.
I don't see how I could move past that stagnation you mentioned, because I improve and I'm still in the same miserable state. I look a bit better and women don't care. I improved other things and people don't care, nobody talks to me. It's that point where you realize you have to become super extraordinary to really see the results, otherwise it's gonna be the same shit over and over again. I can tell you I'm gonna be 2 times better, and I'm still gonna be alone. Because truthfully I have to be 10 times better. I do envy those that can feel a bit better after breaking a bench record, for me it's just a means to an end.
>I can tell you I'm gonna be 2 times better, and I'm still gonna be alone.
Exactly. Because its not about how good you are. There are other factors at play.
You know, when you have those grandiose expectations for yourself, you have to essentially develop the god complex in order to match them, or rather to feel like you can match them. That is what keeps me together, albeit it's more like a duct tape situation. Without that I am no one and I have nothing. My whole self esteem comes from feeling like I'm destined to do great things, because if I'm not, then I might as well die now, there is nothing that awaits me at the end if I'm not so great I can't be ignored.
To live with such burden and have no one to cheer for you, I just hope for one moment where I can feel human.
Di you suffer abuse and/or trauma in young age?
Yeah, bullied and my parents argued a frickton and neglected me, so basically coming back from school was coming back from one hellscape to another. Such upbringing only reinforces the feeling of insignificance and inferiority, it really does make sense for me to be the way I am now that I think about it. I don't have anyone in my life that could help me be different. I already feel like I'm at my limit on my own.
Okay this is a bit complex and i have a hard time articulating it properly. But this might be worth knowing for you. And its also just an interesting perspective on current online culture and what is wrong with a lot of self improvement.
Based on the things you said that is what i thought. What you write in this post is basically how people with narcissistic personality disorder are. (i am not saying you have that, it does not mean you do). What basically happens to people with narcissism in young age is that they never get the love and mirroring that they need in order to build their self esteem and feel good about them self(just a basic feeling of i am okay, people love me and i am good enough). And often they are demeaned and attacked which further destroys their inner self. What then happens is that they try to be perfect and high achievers as a way to try and be "good enough"/or better then everyone else. They think if they can just become better then everyone else then they will finally be alright. When nobody can demean them anymore because they are so obviously great humans and much better then everyone else! Finally then they can be okay. But they can't, because what they lack is the basic acceptance and love that every human should be given by their parents in early age and especially by the mother and if they never get that they then become narcissists as a way to cope. You write "i just hope for one moment where i can feel human", that is the feeling that your parents should have given you in your early formative years, throughout your childhood. That is the basic "i am human, i am worthy of love, i am good enough". You will NEVER get that by being a high achiever. It does not matter what high achievements you will never get that. You are falling in to the trap of the narcissistic way of solving the problem of lack of self love and also responding to bullying/demeaning/humiliation.
I don't disagree with this and to some extent I'm aware of it at all times, but I can't change my mentality unless there's an evidence that makes it valid. If you kiss a girl, but she still tells you she's not interested in anything beyond that, and you kept getting that, it only reinforces the idea that you're not enough. How can I think otherwise if life proves to me time and time again that I'm not okay? The only time I feel good, as in actually good is when I achieve something, so I might as well follow that path.
I agree that trying to patch the holes like that is not the healthiest approach, but it's the only one that makes me keep going. If there was at least one person who honestly made me feel I'm good enough, maybe it would be easier for me to think differently. But there wasn't, isn't, and won't be.
As cringe as it sounds, you need to learn self love and acceptance and you should seriously consider therapy. I dont know if therapy with your parents would be possible or helpful but it would be a worth a try. You should check out Richard Grannon on youtube he deals with those kind of things.
And, how this ties in to modern self improvement culture is that, the thought is that "you just have to self improve your self and then you will good enough" and its a toxic mindset because for so many people they are good enough. The only thing wrong with them is their self esteem or their lack of self acceptance. And you get people saying shit like this (no offence anon)
>You are seeking approval externally. This is your problem.
Wrong.
His assumption is that your mentally ill viewpoint of your self is correct. (if you can just become exceptional you will get love. (false)) And this is also what al those narcissistic mentally ill internet gurus tell their followers.
Its wrong. Most people in the sphere needs to accept them self. Yeah you should strive to get better, get educated, get fit, do cool shit and all that. But hey, you should realize you are just an average dude and there is nothing wrong with that because average dudes live happy lives with love from family friends and girlfriends and you don't have to be more then that to get laid or be happy in this world. The chase for excellence is a cope and a mental ill it self that will destroy you and rob you of the very thing you are actually doing it for.
Accept your self, you are good enough, you don't have to be the best. Just be a good version of you. Really.
How the frick do you call my advice wrong and reinforce my points in the rest of the post.
Like I said here
life is not fair and you should accept it. I never encouraged anybody to be exceptional, I never implied that you 'destined to do great things'. My whole theory and advice has YOURSELF as the benchmark with no fixed goals. It is an open ended process. Due to this mental shift you are avoiding comparing yourself to 'exceptional standards'.
>Richard Grannon on youtube
I want to add that this suggestion is a good one. Worth checking out his videos.
Dude im the same fricking way. If i cant accomplish my goals i might as well be dead.
>I look a bit better and women don't care.
>I improved other things and people don't care, nobody talks to me.
You are seeking approval externally. This is your problem.
Do you look better than last year? Yes? Good job. Better than last month? No? Well time to stick to your diet and training.
People don't talk to you? Why should they talk to you? Let us pretend we are in that Fight Club scene where Tyler Durden and the protagonist meet for the first time in the plane. What makes you more interesting than the entertainment system in front of me?
Serious question: What was the most interesting thing happened to you last week?
From my experience (countless guys in my social circle/family) most people are boring as frick. 99% of the topics I encounter are work, sports, politics and entertainment. Have you watched the game yesterday? That new Netflix show? How is work? The economy is bad, am I right?
I don’t know but I’m trying trauma release exercises. They’re relaxing but it’s early days for me, only tried a few times. It’s taken me a while but I now believe I have cPTSD due to whatever way I was raised. Both parents are distant, I can’t ever remember being hugged or kissed. At least I wasn’t physically abused, although I do remember being picked up by my ear once…
I can also vouch for metta meditation, once after a long session I was out for a walk and felt totally at peace with myself and the world rather than anxious/alert. I distinctly remember catching a girls gaze for a few seconds and smiling and her smiling back. Normally I’d just avoid looking at people but it felt so natural. Unfortunately I kind of hit a wall with metta and got bored and replaced it with bad habits.
did you direct the metta to yourself?
Myself for 15 minutes and then my best friend for another 15 minutes. Its important that the person you choose isn’t a family member or someone you’re attracted to.
also important that the session ends with you directing it to yourself
We are walking the same path, anon. I also have self-esteem issues and am trying metta to work with them.
Also, try forgiveness meditation.
>Do hard shit
>hard shit will make you question your self-esteem
>still continue doing it
>finally beat hard shit
>success
I try the hardshit and its overwhelming to the point i just spin my wheels in place.
This on repeat until you toughen up.
Books:
>Technological Slavery - Ted Kaczynski
>Thus Spake Zarathusra - Friedrich Nietzsche
>Nicomachean Ethics - Aristotle
>Meditations - Marcus Aurelius
>The Prince - Niccolo Machiavelli
>The Bhagavad Gita
>The Republic - Plato
Film/TV:
>Fight Club
>Natural Born Killers
>500 Days Of Summer
>Pearl
>Cowboy Bebop
>Spartacus (2004)
>Gladiator (2000)
Activities:
>Mountain climbing
>Forest hiking
>Camping
>Long distance cycling/motorcycle riding
>Drawing
>Sculpting
>Reading about aesthetics and art history
If you want to be high test, you have to MKULTRA yourself into becoming a high test dude. The first step is to come to terms with the fact that you're a lazy, insecure, weak loser. Then, you begin looking for and consuming whatever non-pozzed depictions of unbridled high test you can find. Here's my recommendation. 7 books, 7 movies, 7 activities. Try to emulate the personality traits you see in all this stuff, but within reason. You will NOT behave like a c**t. You will NOT commit crimes to impress women. You will NOT be a self-destructive raging chud. Just understand the fact that men with high self-esteem literally don't give a shit. They live life knowing full well that they've got a plan B and a plan C up their sleeve if something goes wrong. Just stop giving a shit and remember that one meme about the frog in a tuxedo. Stop giving a shit and do what YOU want, with utmost conviction and passion. Nobody will call you cringe unless you radiate insecurity.
Where are the friends? Where is meeting new people? Where is belonging to, being respected in, and meaningfully contributing towards a group or community you want to see succeed? Where is anyone going to meet the future mother of his children doing all that lonesome stuff? Your advice sucks. Another useless book, another solitary hobby, spending another day by oneself, acquiring all this information and skill for fricking nothing and nobody, until he dies. Frick you.
But at least you didn't suggest lmaomeditating.
First you have to mold yourself into a person that people would find attractive and interesting, then you can socialize. Otherwise there's no point in sitting quielty in the corner, with growing resentment towards yourself and others.
>But at least you didn't suggest lmaomeditating.
Self awareness isn't bad, in fact it's the prelude to fixing your shit
Cringe
Jesus christ this thread alone boosts my self esteem just because of all the literal virgins and shit half you anons are saying. I don't need it but god damn.
Anyway anons, the trick is to be motivated and successful. If you can't do either of those, then start there. Once you get some ground, being confident is easy, because I know I am the fricking man. It's not some mental trick... I am accomplished, successful, and good looking. The confidence comes naturally.
>tall
>handsome
>ripped
>frank sinatra voice
>charismatic
>low self esteem due to suffering extreme child abuse and being sequestered at home from 8th grade to 18
>schizophrenia from being forced to take drugs growing up
How do I deal with this set up
What makes you think you have low self esteem? The list you wrote is not something a low self esteem person is capable of writing. I think you're just remembering the low self esteem version of child that you were, you're confused right now because being an amazing successful man is unfamiliar. Assuming you're in your 20s you lived most of your life as an insecure loser so right now what you have is not fake; it's unfamiliar.
t.abused child that got incredibly good genetics and now I'm a literal gigachad radiating happiness
You frickin b***h. Im a fat b***h with b***h breasts and dick health problems and I frick literal 10s bro. How do I do it? Idk. Skill issue. Let that shit motivate you. That a manboob fatass is fricking the girls you want. Imagine what I could do with your ripped body bro. How the frick can you not be confident?! b***h ass
larp. you're probably not even fat
be born tall and attractive
>just be confident bro
At the end of the day confidence and self-esteem have to come from somewhere and taking any sort of fair analysis of my history, the best that could be said is that well I'm a nice person and I guess also have a great deal of common sense and intelligence in a small handful of areas.
Confidence has to come from some sort of justification somewhere, otherwise it's just a big lie. Trying to sort of deceive yourself in one sense while knowing the reality in another in a cognitive dissonance, is very unlikely to end well. If you could get some of the boosts that confidence undoubtedly gives such as being positive and going around on a high, a test boost also I'm sure, without lying to yourself about it, that would be the ideal.
Literally just assume you are better than everyone else and believe it
i dont know what degree to get. i need to make money. the rest i can handle by myself. ahhhhhhhhhh.
Avoid degrees that were just created for trends shit like "internet of things", AI, crypto....
Choose a degree that has a stable history, decades of demand, most likely it is something boring.
The less women study something, the bigger is your future earning potential (rule of thumb).
Stop giving a frick about fictional outcomes and do whatever you feel like doing
Stop caring
Get a sixpack
Go to the gym and meditate/pray are the most important things. Once divinity is proud of your body then you will have all the validation you need before you even go and talk to anyone.
As an added bonus, I have improved my self-talk by listening to affirmations in the morning. Here's one I love: https://youtu.be/L2VEjOsua0s
Try and get enough sunshine, too. When the Sun smiles at people from behind your eyes, they can't help but love you.
>going to the gym to pray
Whatever works for you, I guess.
I can't understand self-esteem.
I don't have it, why I should love myself? it seems like I'm a pretty shitty person. no gf. so why should I love me?
I can't understand how there's people in this world that just wake up and go like "b***h I'm fabulous" and believe it.
Put yourself in uncomfortable situations and frick up. Eventually you will stop caring and not be scared of fricking up.
How can I even have self esteem as an Incel manlet? I’m 5/10 face but I’ll probably never be desired or wanted since I’m too short and mid face. How do I stop being a virgin?
You need to set some goals and achieve them. Only then you'll start to feel confident.
I did this, I exceeded my goals. it never works.
either my goals are unreachable, or once I get them I think:
>if I made it, anybody can, so it is worthless
I could be the first man on Mars and still don't give a frick.
>I did nothing, engineers took me here
Self esteem comes from feeling good about your life situation. It should come from within, and not from validation by friends/family/strangers.
I have friends that are in their 30s, never achieved anything, never worked, no degree and just leech from their parents and have self esteem off the charts.
Just try to change the things you don't like about yourself and learn to love yourself. If even you don't love yourself, how can you expect somebody else to love you.
>If even you don't love yourself, how can you expect somebody else to love you.
Conversely, how can you love yourself if no-one else does?
>Conversely, how can you love yourself if no-one else does?
You have to be the kind of person you’d enjoy to be around. You can’t expect other people to like you, but you can always improve your own self-image.
How? I've been a miserable troglodyte my entire life, I don't know any other way to be.
you have positive life experiences putting you in a positive feedback loop
got stood up this evening lads, lifts for this feel?
do whatever you would have done if she had said she was busy
yeah I'm posting here
Winning, doesn't matter what. Lots of winning
Winning a game you play with friends, dressing like boss, profit on a sale, getting a girl's number and banging her, getting a watch you couldn't afford last year, winning a random drunk fist fight...
Struggle and win, and not with a videogame even though that also feels good the moment you turn it off it al vanishes
You're right, but now that I think about it, I've known nothing but defeat these past years. I ask girls out, they meet but then reject me. I don't make money, I don't have friends, the only thing I did was playing competitive games and being good at those, that's the only time I truly felt victory, but I don't even do it now. So there's nothing. But agreed, gotta create that winning streak somehow.
Start by developing a skill to a point beyond just competence. It can be literally anything but if you're genuinely passionate about it, and good at it, it helps.
>At the point that when things start going my way or I have an actually decent day I worry about what’s about to go wrong in my life to re balance things to being shit
Had semi productive day, took today off my diet for mental break, had genuine laughs for the first time in years, clutched a battle Royal game and won for the first time as the last alive, ex called me and I feel nothing not calling back either.
First day in a long time where I didn’t feel like a depressed piece of shit. And I’m basically blowing it by expecting things to go really bad soon like it’s been in the past when I started feeling happy.
I’m 5’7 and 5/10 face and everyone thinks I’m weird and I was bullied in school. I’m a virgin at age 20, don’t even really have friends. How to stop being a loser? I don’t even try approaching women because I just assume I’ll be rejected anyways
Love yourself and ignore the opinions of others.
A lack of self esteem caused me to end up in my current position of a 31 year old complete loser. Never had the self-esteem to initiate friendships, initiate the steps to a relationship (31 khv never been on a date), caused me to perform poorly in college, caused me to get and stay with a horrible job, caused me to never find any skills or hobbies. And then it's a positive feedback loop where you don't have self-esteem, it makes you feel like a loser, it makes you perform like a loser, then being a loser makes you not have self esteem.
I want to commit suicide every day.
Same here but 38. Still live at home, have zero social life. Can't sleep properly because I spend three hours in bed every night thinking about how shit my life is.
>Can't sleep properly because I spend three hours in bed every night thinking about how shit my life is.
Three hours is bad. But I have similar issues if I wake up in the middle of the night like 3-4 AM, I used to be able to get right back to sleep, but now I lie awake for at least an hour because in the dark and silence all I can think about is how pathetic my life is. Basically it's wake up miserable, spend the day miserable, go home miserable, literally the only happiness I feel in the day is the time between turning the lights off and lying in bed before sleeping, but then if I wake up in the middle of the night I don't even get peace in that.
I hope I kill myself before I get to your age. I cannot imagine more years of this. I already wasted and ruined all of my teens and 20s.
>instead of focusing on the negative
It is impossible not to focus on the negative when it's literally your entire life and has been for as long as you can remember. I have literally not had a single positive thing I can think of since I was probably a child.
For the longest time I was proud because I never gave up and killed myself. That was the ONLY thing I could think of to be proud of so I used it.
I know the world is bleak and full of shit and I know how it feels to lose year after year. Focusing on those losses will forever keep you down, you understand that much I'm sure. Sit down and think of 1 thing you are proud of yourself for. I won't ask you to flip your entire mental process into suddenly only engaging with the positive and ignoring the negative. But seriously sit and think of something you can be fully proud of about yourself. There will be something.
Anons, my life is not great but I would say that instead of focusing on the negative you should refocus on what you can do and what is within your realm to control, ie: you can control your diet and weight loss. It is very difficult but you can do it. Take things slow. Accept that building positive momentum will take time. The lessons from CBT are helpful in identifying your thought patterns so you're able to refocus them.
>Anons, my life is not great but I would say that instead of focusing on the negative you should refocus on what you can do and what is within your realm to control, ie: you can control your diet and weight loss
I did that, I lost 140lbs. More miserable than ever. It didn't fix any of my mental problems. I can't control my thoughts.
It all just goes back to childhood trauma. Some people got what they needed and others didn't. Your entire world revolves around those years and whether or not you're able to overcome the programming that made you who you are today.
you just know so many people here are complete dyels, my self esteem really improved from getting strong and big over the years, people come up to me in the gym and randomly complement me, I know just about all the serious regulars in my gym
INJECT TESTOSTERONE
I like to browse blackpillscience on reddit, it is a huge ego boost when they complain and post scientific articles about women prefering my exact penis size, height, and body.
Yeah incels are right about women but they are either too ugly or defeatist to take advantage of them. If you are 3/10 ugly 5'3 with small penis literally just deal drugs and maybe rob tyrone(stacys girlfriend) and women will want you. Women are attracted to violence.
Six pillars of self esteem by Nathaniel Branden or one of his workbooks
my esteem has gone up over the years but im still too shy to talk to the gym twink
You have to understand that your lack of self confidence and esteem is based on reality, you trying to not care won't fix the issues.
You're not capable, you're not attractive, people don't find you interesting, that's all true, not just in your head.
I'm attractive but mentally ill and they think it's conscious while it's subconscious due to long-term injury
Mofukin pranayama helps doe
homies be wildin
Shit hurts
Frick off c**ts
Become a reddit moderator and ban everyone that challenges your worldview.