If you ever wanted to feel lifemogged or inspired to work harder, here is Julius Caesar's life.

If you ever wanted to feel lifemogged or inspired to work harder, here is Julius Caesar's life.

>born in the Roman slums, noble family but relatively poor
>15 yrs old, becomes patriarch of the family when his father dies
>16, becomes high preist of Jupiter and gets married to the daughter of the current dictator (Sulla)
>17, has a daughter with his wife
>18, declared enemy of the state for refusing to divorce his wife and has to flee Rome
>19, is pardoned and divorces wife, joins the army
>20, wins the Civic Crown for bravery in war, the second highest commendation in the Roman army
>23, becomes a lawyer and literally becomes Phoenix Wright
>25, is captured by pirates at sea
>pirates ask for ransom from Rome, Caesar scoffs at the low price and tells them to ask for more money
>is such a Chad he starts ordering his captors around like he is the boss
>the pirates end up liking him so much they act like he was their leader
>25, after being released he raises an army to track down the pirates and crucifies them all
>26, raised another army and fought in war as a commander for the first time
>28, gets into politics and becomes a military tribune
>31, becomes a magistrate in Spain
>33, marries again, this time he marries the grandaughter of the dictator Sulla (what a Chad)
>35, becomes an aedile and throws lavish games and gladiator fights in Rome
>37, becomes Pontifex Maximus (literally the Pope of the Roman religion)
>38, divorces wife and becomes Governor of Spain
>40, forms the first triumvirate with the 2 most powerful men in Rome (Pompey and Crassus)
>41, becomes Consul (basically president)
>passes a bunch of popular bills and laws that piss off the rich elite
>becomes a superstar among the common people
>gets married again
>42, gets assigned Governor of Gaul after his term, has to stay away from Rome because his enemies (virtually the entire senate) want him dead
>starts the Gallic wars, conquers all of Gaul and parts of Germany (western europe)
>cont.

  1. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    >45, is the first Roman to set foot on Britain, conquers it
    >46, daughter dies in childbirth and he kills a fuckload of Gauls to cheer himself up
    >48, triumvirate breaks up after Crassus dies and Caesar fights his most famous battle (Alesia)
    >51, gays in the senate demand he returns to Rome to face his """"crimes""""
    >gathers up his entire army and marches on Rome like a gangsta
    >52, senate runs away and Caesar becomes Dictator
    >proceeds to hunt down all the traitors and beats the shit out of all of them including Pompey, but because he is such an honourable Chad he pardons them all
    >fucks Cleopatra and has a kid with her
    >53, defeats the Egyptians and puts his side bitch Cleopatra up as Queen
    >54, Dictatorship ends but he is so popular the people vote him in for another 10 years
    >55, writes the fucking Calendar (the one we still use)
    >appoints Octavian (later Augustus, the first Emperor) as his heir
    >56, is appointed Dictator for Life
    >plans massive conquest of the Middle East to expand the empire
    >the absolute soiboi gays he pardoned betray him and stab him to death when they find him unarmed and alone, takes 50 of them to take this ÜberChad down

    Whats your excuse?

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      side note: he adopted Octavian in his will, a common thing for rulers who wanted a specific successor - to the distress of all his close advisors and obvious next-in-line officials who expected to get the throne by default.

      he posthumously gave all his enemies the middle finger in his will through that action and doomed his assassins, as this form of adoption was unquestionable in it's legal power, this was long before the might is right rules of the later, collapsing empire.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      What a chad. Good thread

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Reminder Caeser wept when he viewed the statue of Alexander the Great, as he saw his own life as incredibly inferior to Alexander's.

      We are all the same, we all want to be more, our curse is that we are men.

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        Caesar wept when he saw Alexander's statue- BEFORE his primary achievements kek.

        People always regurgitated this well known fact but don't seem to understand wheh it occurred in his life. Caesar achieved more than Alexander (much more), later in life than Alexander and had a later start.

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          That's the point. He himself did not expect to become so successful.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      more inaccuracies in your text than accuracies judging from the little i read

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        Point out a single inaccuracy then?
        I referenced all of it as I wrote it to make sure the dates were right, so I'm interested what you think is inaccurate.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      >45, is the first Roman to set foot on Britain, conquers it
      He didn't conquer it
      >>55, writes the fucking Calendar (the one we still use)
      We use the Georgian calendar

      Hitler was on his fucking knees begging Churchill to not go to war
      but the eternal anglo striked again

      Churchill wasn't part of the government when the war started

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        wasn't the calendar adapted later though?

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        The gregorian calendar has one one minor difference to the julian calendar, the julian calendar is the 12 month calendar we are used to

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          what are these 11 minor differences?

          • 3 months ago
            Anonymous

            An average year in the Julian calendar is 365.25 days. An average year in the Gregorian calendar is 365.2425 days.
            The only difference is how they handle the time disparity, Julian had a leap year every 4 years.
            The Julian calendar is still incredibly accurate for the time and the fact the guy who made it was just a fuckin military leader not a mathematician

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              >the guy who made it was just a fuckin military leader
              The guys who "made it" were greco-egyptian scholars

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                Caesar would have been extremely knowledgeable about the calendar as Pontifex Maximus, and actually used this knowledge to his advantage at points (beating the blockade to the east during the Civil War).having said that he did bring in the expertise of the Egyptians when making the Julian Calendar.

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                They aided him in making it, along with some Greek astronomers, but lets stop splitting hairs. Its noteworthy and he had the foresight to know it was an important thing to be done.

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              i just wanted to make a joke about you writing one one

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        He reduced the britonic tribes around the Thames to ally/vassal status, but it was never properly forced. So legally speaking, yes he did "conquer" Britannia, but it was never properly governed or enforced so it was effectively unconquered.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      >45, is the first Roman to set foot on Britain, conquers it
      fake news media, many such cases

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        >'ASSIT BOYS YOO TELL 'EM FOOCKIN ROMAN BOYS TA GO 'OME

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      >>45, is the first Roman to set foot on Britain, conquers it
      Not true, Caesar doesn't need embellishment, he was the first to land but not to actually do anything of military significance

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        His first invasion was unsuccessful but he invaded again the following year and conquered about half the island and set up Roman outposts there
        He didnt have time to stay there because shit was burning down back in Gaul

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      >tfw i will never be this much of a chad
      >tfw i'll just be a background character for the rest of my life
      I'm ngmi

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Cesar still cried when he saw alexander statue,saying would never accomplish what he did.Everybody can feel mogged

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        Lol that story was from before any of Caesar's accomplishments though

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Caesar is good but hes not the best
      >Introducing THE RESTITUOR ORBIS
      >Takes charge at the height of the Crisis of the 3rd Century
      >Gallic to the left of me , palmrya to the right
      >stuck in the middle with rome
      >Starts his reign by building Roma some new walls , walls you can still see today
      >Begones the thot zenobia and in his mercy allows palmyra to stand
      >palymyra betrays him so he burns it to the ground
      >Reconquers the west by smashing the Gallic Empire
      >Reforms the empire so it actually survives
      >in the space of less than 5 years , reunites the Roman Empire under one Emperor

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        aurelian was a fucking maniac and I love him
        I headcanon Zenobia as waifu though

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      >gathers up his entire army and marches on Rome like a gangsta
      maybe you should read more history anon - the entire point was that he did NOT gather his entire army and march to Rome, the senate only thought he did

  2. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Whats your excuse?
    Tl;dr

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      NGMI

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        >here writing tl;dr on Saturday talking about history baiting other nerds to talk >telling me I am not going to make it.

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          damn I thought you would have the messages lined up to spell out N [...]

          missed opportunity to flex

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          >playing clown for some basic bitches

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          >selfies and mirror selfies
          Why are women so bad at tinder?

          • 3 months ago
            Anonymous

            >t. gay that gets professional headshots, does a cringe photoshoot and then gets zero matches

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              lmfao

  3. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    Mogged by Alexander, sorry OP

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Not even, everything Alexander built collapsed after his death, Caesar built an empire that lasted 400 years

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Caesar has been justifiably called "the Greatest Man who ever lived", it's more than a little unfair to compare yourself to him I think. Just focus on comparing yourself today to where you were and keep improving. I may never be able to live my life on his scale, but that's not a reason to stop striving. 10 years ago I was a pathetic NEET college dropout, severely depressed, obese, and my parents were sad and frightened that I had no future. Today I'm in law school, happy, in good shape, and my entire family is very proud of me. Does it matter that I have no conquered Gallic tribes to my name? I am so far from where I once was, and I hope in 10 more years it will be the same when looking back on today.

      Alexander was the ancient equivalent of "my father gave me a small loan of $1,000,000". What he did was exceptional, but he was in a uniquely privileged situation due to an accident of birth. Not just anyone could have been as successful as he was, but he is not the equal of Caesar. His Empire also collapsed the nanosecond he died.

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        Isaac Newton invented gravity and calculus

        James Maxwell invented electricity

        Cesar... He killed people. Wow greatest ever. Dumbest thing I've read on this entire website

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          >brb inventing gravity real quick

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          Hey everyone I found the Gaul.

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          He did a lot more than kill people you fucking pseud, he created the idea of the Roman Empire, and therefore created the idea that would become Europe and all of modern western culture
          The seeds were planted by Caesar which is why he is such an important person in history
          How many other people can claim they changed the entire course of history for the next 2 thousand years?

          • 3 months ago
            Anonymous
          • 3 months ago
            Anonymous

            >he created the idea of the Roman Empire
            That'd be Augustus

            https://i.imgur.com/52t5ZdC.gif

            Why do you lie? It was Pompey, Lucius and Sulla who conquered the east.

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              *Lucius Licinius Lucullus

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              what
              >east
              ?

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                Asia Minor, Cappadocia, Syria, Judea. The Eastern end of the Mediterranean basin

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              Asia Minor, Cappadocia, Syria, Judea. The Eastern end of the Mediterranean basin

              https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roman_Asia

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                Read your own link
                >as organized by Pompey 63bc

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                https://i.imgur.com/0VTVcym.jpg

                Read your own link
                >as organized by Pompey 63bc

                The asia part on the map was part of Rome in 100BC(E). Where is the supposed lie?

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                Filename. Rome before Caesar. Made it look like you intended whoever saw that to think that Caesar was responsible for some very major conquests that he had nothing to do with

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                It was to show that Rome was already big and on its way to conquer most of Europe and the Mediterranean before Caesar.

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                In that case I'm sorry, Satan. I misunderstood. I agree, Roman dominance of the Med was pretty much assured after Magnesia.

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                Rome was strong before Caesar buy Roman politics was a rapidly deteriorating shitshow before Caesar. People had become cynical for a reason.

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              Augustus was a shrewd enough politician but basically just rode Ceasar's coat tails. He was a coward and shit military leader. Had the assassinators not been such overt fucking retards he would have never had a chance. He almost got destroyed by pompey's retarded pirate son too. Everything about him, when you read his story, just makes you wish Ceasar had never been killed. He was such a fucking retard compared to Ceasar.

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                What ever their relative merits, it was Augustus who emerged victorious from the civil wars that followed Caesar's death and created the Empire.

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                That's true- but Augustus, Antony, Brutus, Cassius, etc. Come off like a big fucking clown show once you get used to reading about Caesar's story.we forget that Augustus was called Julius Caesar in his time- that namesake (plus Agrippa) is probably more responsible for his success than anything else.

          • 3 months ago
            Anonymous

            Ahem.

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              Who dis cracka?

          • 3 months ago
            Anonymous

            >modern western culture
            Uhh, Caesarbros...
            But fr fr I like Alcibiades and Harald Hardrada. The same testicular fortitude and impossible nature as Caesar but less consequential and LARPy.

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          >Isaac Newton invented gravity and calculus
          Not even close. He theorized The Law of Universal Gravity. There was already gravity in his time. As for Calculus, his(and Leibniz's) greatest input was the relation between integral and derivative. Since Fermat's time, they already knew about the derivative(graphical, since in his time functions were not a thing) and Newton's professor already had an idea about how Integral and Derivative were related. Him talking about it to Newton was what made him found it. Read some math books instead of wikipedia.

          >James Maxwell invented electricity
          False too. Of the many equations(and not, it was not originally 4) of electricity, only one has his input itself. His geniality was to include all that Faraday had developed to what other physicists had done. Even his book was almost impossible to understand(to make it worse, Maxwell used Hamilton's quartenion, which are horrible for physics) and it was Oliver Heaviside who was able to understand it and make it so that every other physicist was able to understand. Heaviside not only removed all the quartenion bullshit and replaced it with Vector Calculus, but also reduced all those equations to only 4(iirc, it was 14 or so).

          Stop thinking all those great scientists get to that level by doing all the work themselves.

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          The destiny of man is the will of the strong. He did not let the weak stop his dream for greatness.

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          >isaac Newton invented gravity
          Fucking bloke, we could still be flying

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          >James Maxwell invented electricity
          >something that is naturally occurring and studied a hundred years before maxwells equations
          >we don’t even use maxwells equations anymore

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      >both alexander and caesar were cancer by zodiac
      >mike tyson cancer by zodiac
      cancers have potential to become gods among men of they don't succumb to their inner bitch. they are too OP so nature had to nerf them.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      while alexander imo is also a great man, he did one thing i will never forgive. He spread Greek culture all across the lands to the far east, sparking a weird greek revitalization of culture and creating successor kingdoms in the east that were all greekaboos. The problem is, is that at the height of his power and fighting ever eastwards; he thought it would be a good idea to start acting more culturally Persian. He wore their clothes, he demanded that people address him like a king or a god, he participated in persian cultural customs. The remaining greeks that weren't mercenaires in his army fucking hated this.

      Its ironic, he spread Greek culture to only end up assimilating into the Persian culture. Its just always mind fucked me how that turned out.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      No bros here got what you were referencing but I did.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Kek Alexander isn't even close to being on par with Caesar who was the total package as a general, a politician, a ruler, he had it all. First of all Alexander was shoe in for the throne, and the hardest part of the whole thing in Roman politics in that era is getting total power to start with- that alone was almost an impossible job and Caesar basically accomplished it. The amount of clever political maneuvering, and political skill- Caesar was able to rabble-rouse while still remaining respected and dignified. Calm and cool but willing to take big risks- calculating but always active. An expert propagandist- manipulator, strategist, orator, he had it all.

      Never before has someone been so OP. Caesar basically just put on a masterclass in war and politics the likes of which were never seen before or since.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      No bros here got what you were referencing but I did.

      I'm assuming it's a tongue-in-cheek comment as Julius Caesar himself lamented that he had reached the age of 30 and not achieved anything memorable at the time, as opposed to Alexander?

  4. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    I think it’s Jesus

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      there is no primary source evidence that he ever existed, much less all the BS the gospels claim about him

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        The Annals
        Read more than npr fag

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          Learn what a primary source is retard. Jesus supposedly died 20 years before Tacitus was even born.

          • 3 months ago
            Anonymous

            There has never been any real historical question that Jesus in fact existed. That's not to say he was the Messiah but his greatest fame grew after his death so you would expect it to have been recorded the way it was.

            The most influential men in history were Jesus, Caesar, Hitler, Muhammad, Napoleon.

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              >There has never been any real historical question that Jesus in fact existed.

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              Replace hitler with alexander. Hitler didn’t do anything noteworthy apart from saving germany and nearly winning a defensive war against the entire rest of the world. It’s the mythology they needed to build around him to excuse every inch of ground they’ve taken from Europeans since 1945 that has you confused.

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                No one remembers Alexander other than as an interesting story to read. Hitler has been a central defining character of the modern period. His name is mentioned every day. His image is like a shadow or spectre over all of politics, everyone knows who he is, prople are accused of being him constantly, he is one of the most influential figures of our age without question.

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                >No one remembers Alexander
                You are so wrong. People remember Hitler because it happened recently compared to Napoleon and others.

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                That's true it was more recent but at it currently stands Hitler is a ever-present spectre of our modern world and Alexander is in the periphery.

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                Thanks to modern media this will hold true until something wipes humanity's records clean

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                Look I can't speak very well to who was influential in 50BC or whenever. We can make some assumptions sure but ultimately I can only speak on who I think is influential in my time and it is simply the case that Hitler, for better or worse, does have one of the most well-known ever present shadows and legacies of anyone and I'm sure there are various reasons for that.

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                >defensive war

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                Who declared war on whom?

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                Hitler declared war on Poland thereby triggering a a defensive guarantee given by the British and French governments. He then declared war on, in no particular order, Norway, Denmark, Belgium, The Netherlands, The Soviet Union, Yugoslavia, Greece, the United States and probably some others I forgot.

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              a handfull of traditions make very explicit note of demi-god scientist like figures appearing, teaching about wine and chemistry and lifestyle guidelines, and walking on water, jesus is merely another meme (in the serious definition of meme) that was assimilated into the early religion that became christianity. the entire faith is based on memes, cherry picked from a variety of cultures and traditions in what was the definitive cultural melting pot of that era.
              even completely removed from asia, africa and europe, Mesoamerican traditions have their own "jesus" with a near identical role. very few stories in the old testiment are objectively linked to early semites/cananites/etc, from the very beginning abrahamic faith was based on accumulated traditions from different humans meeting and interracting with eachother from the dawn of history

              in 200 years jesus will be just another literal who figure in some dated mythology that nobody really believes in, artifically kept alive in memetic form for those first 2000 years by some of the greatest tyrants and world-spanning empires on the planet, at the dawn of technological advancements that allowed men to move around the globe, store and move information.

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                Roman history and gnomish history leave no question on roughly when the Christian sect of the garden gnomes emerged and how it emerged. That history is not questioned by really anyone and it is literal retard tier to think it was something that was created after the fact. From basically the exact time of Jesus supposed crucifixion you see a small sect develop that grows exponentially throughout history, with no real doubt expressed by any historian at any time Roman or otherwise about Jesus'existence, up till it culminated with Constantine.

                You sound just like John Lenon who said the same thing- except he got smoked by a 38 and now zoomers don't even know who he is and everyone still knows who Jesus is kek.

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                so much text , so little proves

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                >gnomish history
                read that back to me

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                The mainline garden gnomes at the time hated the Christian sect. and even today they see Christ as a false Messiah, and see him as essentially antisemitic.

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              Alexander literally changed the planet earth.

              Tyre used to be an island. Now its a penninsula

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        Jesus is one of the most well-attested figures in history.

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          He is not one of the most well attested, but mostly because he came from obscurity, even at the time of his death he would not have been notable enough to make it into immediately contemporary Roman accounts.

          Having said that I don't think there is room for much doubt as to the fact that existed, was some sort of religious teacher, was crucified, and inspired a small religious sect that grew rapidly. In the almost immediate aftermath of his death, and supposed resurrection- the religious activity inspired by him would have indeed made him notable fairly early on after his death.

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          prove

  5. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Whats your excuse?
    I don't look like this

  6. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    He was born with noble blood. He couldn't make those marriages being a farmer boy.

  7. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    >I lift for him
    Don't mind the mog at all. Being a man is finding the right leader.

  8. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    >15 yrs old, becomes patriarch of the family when his father dies
    >16, becomes high preist of Jupiter and gets married to the daughter of the current dictator (Sulla)
    How was he poor yet also was given the opportunity to marry the daughter of one of the most powerful men in town…?
    Still… crazy life indeed.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      His breeding was all that mattered. At one point his family was worth something. The name still carried weight.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Sulla regarded him as a threat because he was a relative of his rival, and it was a case of keep your enemies close
      The preist position was meant to keep him in line because he couldnt leave the city while he was preist

  9. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    Per Wikipedia:
    > he is said to have encountered a statue of Alexander the Great, and realised with dissatisfaction that he was now at an age when Alexander had the world at his feet, while he had achieved comparatively little.
    Don’t worry bros, your time will come.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      That's not a contemporary account. Its an apocryphal story that was added in a history written long after Caesar was dead. It was merely a literary device to show his descent to no longer being content to exist within the Roman system, but rather wanting to be a king like Alexander.

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        However, Caesar explicitly rejected the crown of Rome when Marcus Antonius offered it to him.

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          Ceasar knew that he had to at least nominally play ball with the senate institutions that had by that point become a integral part of Roman history.

          He clearly wanted to be king though. The pan put a throne on the senate floor. He wore a crown. In Rome there was a long aisle with statues of all the old kings and the last statue on the line was of the man who overthrew them and brought in the republic. When Ceasar had total power, for the first time in hudreds of years a new statue was added- one of Caesar.

          • 3 months ago
            Anonymous

            >He wore a crown.
            The Crown he wore was the Civic crown, that he'd won for saving a Roman citizens life in battle. The symbol of kingship that a Romans would have been familiar with would be the diadem.

            I dont know why you're so insanely hostile but ok, I got mixed up with his grandfather, the one who met with Marius and arranged the marriage.
            After Marius' dowry the kids (the father and aunt of Caesar) they were able to reenter the political sphere.
            My mistake anon! No need to be a flaming fag about minor details.

            His grandfather too was a member of the Senate. He held no office but senator, but he was a still capable of meeting the census requirements; ie. a citizen of the 1st class. Very much not middle class.

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              Caesar, in the later years, took to wearing his ceremonial/religious festiv garb on a regular basis (particularly the crown) which was highly controversial at the time. It was taken as being a stand-in for a form of "kingly" garb. Very Caesaresque thing to do. "No no this isn't kingly garb this is just my formal-wear wink wink."

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              Whats your source for his grandfather being a senator? Not saying I dont believe you I just never heard of it. I heard he was in the army and rarely at home, and the entire reason he entertained Marius' marriage proposal was because their family was broke and needed money.
              Maybe not middle class but not upper class at all, he wouldnt have been raised in an apartment if he was of the upper class. Middle-upper lets call it.

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                >be pic related
                >literally invent marching on Rome
                >be dictator for a bit
                >refuses to elaborate
                >retires

                >Middle-upper lets call it.
                No, let's not. There was literally a wealth requirement to sit in the senate - you don't meet it, they kick your ass out like a bitch. And that wealth requirement was big.
                Haven't got a proper source for granddaddy Caesar atm, its 2am and I'm pissed, but have a look through this. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julii_Caesares
                >

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                Yes I am aware and I am 99% sure the entire reason they married their family to a non-roman was because they needed the money to get back into the senate, because their family was broke. It was due to this money that his father and Caesar himself were able to go back. This is what Plutarch wrote if I'm not misremembering it.

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                >be pic related
                >fuck boys
                >be a psychopath murderer
                Sulla was a schizo and a gay pedo

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                that's a description of a relatively normal-to-high-class Mediterranean male of 100BC-200AD
                we're talking about people who make blood sacrifices to the god of their home's door-frame, who nail people to wooden crosses, engage in massive wine orgies, and who get their sweaty body grease scraped off and rubbed onto the walls of public bath houses

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                that's a description of a relatively normal-to-high-class Mediterranean male of 100BC-200AD
                we're talking about people who make blood sacrifices to the god of their home's door-frame, who nail people to wooden crosses, engage in massive wine orgies, and who get their sweaty body grease scraped off and rubbed onto the walls of public bath houses

                Sounds pretty based, no wonder Germans have been LARPing as Romans ever since.

          • 3 months ago
            Anonymous

            He wore a civic crown which is a different thing from a royal crown.
            He didnt put a throne in the senate, he just removed the second consul chair and left only the one.
            Never heard of that statue thing I'd be interested to know the source, those statues dont exist as far as I know.
            Jury is still out on whether he wanted to be King, I personally think he would have returned power to the senate after his reforms and conquest of Parthia. He was a populares republican and a lawyer as well, he just knew Rome needed some serious fixing and the republic couldnt fix itself on its own.

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              This story about the statues is an often repeated thing I've heard many times over the years from reputable sources but I
              am looking for the original source.

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              https://www.researchgate.net/publication/329758887_Statues_of_the_Kings_and_Brutus_on_the_Capitoline

              Getting closer thr last page mentions the addition of thr Caesar statue.

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              I believe Caesar wanted to be king but recognized there were certain parameters he had to respect that kept him from just going full monarch.

              The thing about the ceremonial garb is relevant- because people werent actually allowed to wear it on normal occasions as I understand it- that is until Caesar. This was his way of being kingly while still retaining some plausible deniability. Also i will look for the source but I believe Caesar has a special larger and more gaudy "consul" chair put in place. Again kingly but also some plausible deniability. Also the famous off color joke he told about "not Rex but Caesar" is exactly in this same tenor.

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                Rome hated the very concept of a king, he would have never been able to proclaim himself as king and he knew it.

                Even during the empire proper, emperors all used a variety of titles (notably "princeps"), but NEVER called themselves "rex", ever.

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                Right, so he pushed the limits as far as he could with "kingly" behavior and trappings without actually ever saying it. Ultimately there is no way to know what Caesar thought- but I think he felt he deserved to be a king and was basically a de facto king anyways in all but name. I believe had it been politically feasible he would have declared himself king.

  10. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    >what a chad
    >like a gangsta
    Redditors go home.

  11. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    >inspired to work harder, here is Julius Caesar's life.
    Great stuff OP. Never cared for this bro until I found out about The Battle of Alesia. This bro pulled off the maybe greatest feat in human tactical history.

    He attacked the Gauls at Alesia, laid siege to the city. Gaul bros sent out word to bring more reinforcements. Gaul tribes came in from all over to finish off the Romans.

    So Cesar built another wall around his troops to protect them from the outside tribes. So basically Caesar had his army trapped in between two walls, with the enemy on both sides.

    Reinforcements attacked the Romans on the outside wall, but Caesar flanked them bros, and destroyed they army. Later, the City surrendered.

    Incredible, mind-blowing piece of ingenuity and leadership.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Sounds like the Gauls were just shitty warriors with no strategy because double walking should have never worked.

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        How are you going to defeat the double wall, you twat?

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          >surround it
          >wait
          >everyone inside starves
          gg2ez

          • 3 months ago
            Anonymous

            The army inside (with the King) had ever less food than the Romans. That said, the Vercingetorix was a fool for letting himself get bottled up like that

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          Attack the weak points bro. You're a massive army. It's a wall lol. Ram it.

  12. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    When you put it that way it doesn't really seem like he did much. He conquered people who had equivalent technology to africans, and uhh not much else.

    I think I'll take Hitler over Caesar.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      >takes the guy who kills himself

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Hitler started a completely unnecessary and avoidable war of aggression that caused the absolute destruction of his own country. He was also a hateful person who oversaw a genocide.

      Caesar is only guilty of one of those.

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        >Hitler started the war
        no
        >oversaw a genocide
        I wish

        https://i.imgur.com/ZxnhzGK.png

        >takes the guy who kills himself

        >He actually believes this

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          >Hitler worshipper only takes 1 post to show he's a complete retard who has absolutely no idea what he's talking about
          Some things just never change

          • 3 months ago
            Anonymous

            Not gonna work, rabbi. Either that or you're a retarded boomer golem.

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          Google the actual definition of a fucking genocide, idiot.

          • 3 months ago
            Anonymous

            who did Hitler genocide?

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        Hitler was on his fucking knees begging Churchill to not go to war
        but the eternal anglo striked again

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        Caesar did nothing wrong.

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          Honestly he should have killed and enslaved more G*uls

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Hmmm never thought of it like that. Honestly not a terrible point, but
      >celts were light years ahead of Africans- steel, horses, the wheel (kek)
      >Romans were more advanced but not so far advanced that the outcome of the battles was obvious before they started
      I’d say it’s more similar to hitler vs the poles than fighting africans

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      >implying the polish were a great military power.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      The modern world has made a mockery of Caesar’s name. His legacy lives on in the name of a pizza chain and a salad dressing. While Hitler’s name is so sacred that none dare name anything so trivial after him.

  13. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    This is something really weird and always errs me when I come here. Everytime I start reading/watching about something, the board is flooded with threads related to the same topic. I have just finished watching ROME and was reading Julius Caesars life and i jave seen 4-5 threads of him since yesterday. This is so spooky Bros.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Baader-Meinhof phenomenon/The Frequency illusion; Rome is literally constantly talked about here.

  14. 3 months ago
    Anonymous
  15. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    I get a lot more inspiration from Dirlewanger

  16. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    Historia Civilis in yt, best channel for roman stuff, for true romans

  17. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    Herbert Von Karajan
    >arguably the greatest classical conductor who ever lived
    >Avid swimmer, skier, waterskier, mountaineer, auto racer, etc.
    >never publicly renounced his NSDAP membership
    Yeah, I'm thinking based

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous
  18. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    >inflates the slave market by half a million destroying romes economy and cultural identity
    lol, lamo
    you missed out early life

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      If the Romans knew back then what they did in 400 AD, they’d have harvested their own durum.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Under Caesar's rule Rome had an economic boom and due to his land reforms all the impoverished masses were able to work, unemployment went way down
      Rome's economy and "cultural identity" were pretty solid for at least 2 centuries after Caesar's death so idk wtf you're talking about

  19. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    You could have just wrote
    >born into the highest caste of society
    >have opportunities that no one else has because of nepotism
    >your success is guaranteed
    >turns out you have talent too
    >your success is astronomical
    Most people don't have talent or connections.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      That is true but Rome at that time was a political jungle that ate many great men alive. There were a 1000 ways to get politically destroyed in that atmosphere. Some character like Alexander in his era and different region and political system did in fact have it served to him on a platter. Caesar was just another bold politician one of thousands- many men tried and failed miserably to do what ceaser seemed to have accomplished on easy mode. Perfect combination of a military mind and a political mind.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Not the truth though.
      There were many noble families far more powerful and relevant than the Julii.
      His family had been out of politics for several generations and they were poor, basically just middle class. Julius got lucky because Gaius Marius married into the family and left him a big load of cash for when he came of age so he could get back into politics, so that part is true. But considering how much he achieved before he ever even set foot in the Senate I doubt it would have held him back.
      Sulla shat himself when he met Caesar as a boy because by age 5 he was already fluent in Latin, Greek, and was excellent at math. He is quoted as saying "In young Caesar I see many a Marius". Even though the Julii were irrelevant Sulla still took notice of how brilliant this kid was.
      He also joined the army and became a war hero, that was without any outside help.

      Just because you're not born a noble doesnt mean shit, you might not be able to become a world conquerer like Caesar was but you can still do great things if you have the drive and the ability.

      Also Augustus was a commoner, so there's also that.

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        His family never lost its seat in the Senate, and thus always had the money for a senatorial census. They just hadn't been major player (ie. held a consulship) in politics for a few generations.

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          Politics appears to have been such a ridiculous shit show at that time in Rome. It is a considerable political achievement to have navigated it so easily as Ceasar did when it ate so many powerful and influential men alive.

          • 3 months ago
            Anonymous

            What does that have to do with you being full of shit? I'm not denying he was a great politician, just calling you out on pulling shit out of your arse and expecting us to eat it up.

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              I'm not that anon bozo

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          His family wasnt in the senate at all. His parents owned a tenant house and his father was in the army.

          • 3 months ago
            Anonymous

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaius_Julius_Caesar_(governor_of_Asia)
            have a nice day you fucking idiot.

            I'm not that anon bozo

            My apologies.

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              I dont know why you're so insanely hostile but ok, I got mixed up with his grandfather, the one who met with Marius and arranged the marriage.
              After Marius' dowry the kids (the father and aunt of Caesar) they were able to reenter the political sphere.
              My mistake anon! No need to be a flaming fag about minor details.

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        Everything about this post is completely retarded. Sulla wasn't impressed by Caesar, he thought he was going to betray the Republic, and he certainly didn't say this about Caesar when he was 5 years old like in some fucking anime, Marius and Sulla didn't even go to war until Caesar was 16.

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          I dont really care what you think, thats what the history books say. Marius and Sulla had been enemies long before they ever went to war. Suetonius may be a shitposter but he is the only source we have on a lot of that period, and he wrote pic related.

          • 3 months ago
            Anonymous

            Yes and the chronology in Suetonius is clear (and in Plutarch, dumb butt) and Caesar was an adult when this happened.

            • 3 months ago
              Anonymous

              He was 15-16 when that quote was said. It was in regards to his mother and other people requesting he be allowed to come back from exile, since Sulla had prescribed him.
              Please stop trying to flex your nonexistent knowledge its embarassing and nobody gives a shit about splitting hairs.

              >I do actually
              There are so many mistakes in OP showing you don't

              I used hyperhole and exaggerated a few things for brevity, didnt expect some autist to get all bent out of shape because uhm ackshually you forgot to dot your i's in this line you fucking neanderthal

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                >I used hyperhole and exaggerated a few things
                nice way
                and intentionally wrote wrong stuff?

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                Learn to admit you were wrong you dumb retard people will think you're less of a dumb retard if you do, you dumb retard

                Name what was wrong and I'll correct it for you, I dont see anything wrong with what I wrote other than some minor things that only an autist would notice, and I knowingly wrote it that way.

              • 3 months ago
                Anonymous

                Learn to admit you were wrong you dumb retard people will think you're less of a dumb retard if you do, you dumb retard

  20. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    Sheeeit bro I aint reading al that

  21. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    Caesar would give up all of his empire to live like a modern-day NEET for a day.

  22. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    Maybe you should read the history of Frederik the Second, mate. Look up Ernst H. Kantorowicz's book on him.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      this guy doesn't do shit without the history of rome that preceded him.

      that's like saying protestantism is OK because it's not catholicism anymore, you don't get protestantism without the 1500 years of tyranny and global assimilation war on established culture from the catholics (which begins at rome's absolute rock bottom of decline where they're really starting to reach for any ruler with any kind of conviction or drive)

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        >this guy doesn't do shit without the history of rome that preceded him.
        Ceasar also didn't do shit without the history of rome that preceded him(there was rome before Ceasar, mate).
        Alexander the Great also didn't do shit without the history of macedonia that preceded him.
        Stop assuming people are born in a vacuum, mate.

  23. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    >noble family but relatively poor
    >>15 yrs old, becomes patriarch of the family when his father dies
    >>16, becomes high preist of Jupiter and gets married to the daughter of the current dictator (Sulla)
    lol moron what mog? he just shot straight up to the top of society through nepotism right there. he doesn't mog me at all.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      "he just shot straight up to the top of society through nepotism right there. he doesn't mog me at all."

      - quote from crucified slave, Rome C. 35 B.C.

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        Yes. Caesar didn't do shit. Do you think beating a game on easy mode (and even then resorting to cheats) when everyone else is playing on legendary means anything?

        • 3 months ago
          Anonymous

          I realise you are retarded but he literally fought against the world and won. His entire country went to war with him and he won.

          • 3 months ago
            Anonymous

            So, like Donald Trump?

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        If Caesar was not born at the top 0.001% of society, you would never have heard of him. If Caesar was born a slave, he would have died a slave.

  24. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    I am 28 years old and I never even kissed a girl

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Embrace the Roman Way

  25. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    You basically skipped over all his war achievements.

    Also when he marched on Rome I wouldn't say he took his entire army- he only too one legion (the 13th) and had about three following behind him. Not to mention his best subordinate and friend sided with the senate.

    Anyways alot of what you said is correct but it is easy to gloss over some things things would have been really extraordinary at the time. He never lost a campaign. I mean he lost a few battles and was assassinated... Egypt was a mistake but he still managed to get out of it. There is no doubt in my mind that Caesar is the most exceptional man in history from a secular perspective. His story mogs Napoleon and Alexander who are probably next in line. People who think Alexander was greater have never read about Caesar. He succeeded in every realm, military, politics, finance, propaganda, he was measured, dignified, controlled but knew when to take risks. Alexander was just a warlord.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Napoleon and Caesar had great propaganda. Imagine how good the propaganda now is.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Based and yes you're right, I had to condense and exaggerate some things to fit it all in 2 posts.
      Caesar is by far my fav historical figure and nobody else even really comes close to his achievements, anything he set his mind to he was instantly the master.
      Napoleon even idolized him as well, he carried Caesar's commentaries around with him wherever he went on campaign and read them over and over again.
      Really a beautiful life and a poetic death, so many things can be learned from Caesar. Every man should aspire to be that awesome.

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        Yeah he was the total package imho.

  26. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    I’m not reading all that. Happy for you though.

  27. 3 months ago
    Anonymous
  28. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    this one time dozens of anons called me based in one thread

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Caesar btfo

  29. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    >tfw 33 and literally accomplished nothing
    How do I not kill myself?

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      By accomplishing something.

  30. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Roman slums to a noble family
    Yeah stopped there you don't know what you're talking about.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      I do actually, he was born in the Suburba in his parents tenant house, basically an apartment building. He was breast fed by the women living in the building because his parents were often too busy to take care of him when he was young.
      He had money waiting for him but he was not rich by any means. I said relatively poor, because he was poor relative to the other noble families. He spent his entire life in debt and being chased by money lenders.
      Maybe YOU dont know what you're talking about anon?

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        >I do actually
        There are so many mistakes in OP showing you don't

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        > He spent his entire life in debt and being chased by money lenders.
        Yeah, money he borrowed not to avoid starving but to bribe and buy his way to magistracies.

  31. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    >op makes thread about caesar
    >"huh, you know... hitler"
    Fuck this website.

  32. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    Respectfully Jesus mogs the shit out of this guy call me when Caesar gets billions of people worshiping him as a God:

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      While I ultimately agree- even the Bible seems to acknowledge "Caesar" (I don't know if it means the individual or the title) as the ultimate representative of secular wordly power.

  33. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    Statue worship is a one-way ticket to hell. Be warned.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Hell is a Pagan concept.

      • 3 months ago
        Anonymous

        Ultima VIII introduced Hell?

  34. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    >16, becomes high preist of Jupiter and gets married to the daughter of the current dictator (Sulla)
    You can stop here, he had everything handed to him, it's like if you marry the daughter and a billionaire bank owner and he gives you a do nothing job at one of his banks at 16.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Roman politics was such a fucking jungle at that time that it routinely chewed up and spit out people just as connected and more prestigious than Caesar. He had paths open to him that a regular person did not- that is true, but he was just another swinging dick on the senate floor until he becomes pontifex maximus. And even then it was an achievement to serve a term as consul- much less become dictator for life or permanent imperator.

      When he went to gual, politically he was on the run. He knew he would either be charged and executed or exiled. He correctly acknowledged his only way out was to become a military champion of Rome and make huge sums of money. He did both of those things.he was also able to maneuver into extended terms in Gaul, and after a great deal of bribing, jockeying, etc he still ultimately failed to avoid turning himself in for prosecution and had to fight a civil war. The whole thing is so far outside the normal expectation for what an influential politician of his time would be capable of.

  35. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    >19, is pardoned and divorces wife, joins the army

    This is incorrect, his first wife died.

    • 3 months ago
      Anonymous

      Neither was she the daughter of Sulla

  36. 3 months ago
    I hate women

    >Whats your excuse?
    He was born into nobility, status is half the battle, how else would he be married to a high status bitch at 16

  37. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    why did you leave out the part where he got fucked in the ass by nicomedes of bithynia?

  38. 3 months ago
    Anonymous

    >>born in the Roman slums, noble family but relatively poor
    >>15 yrs old, becomes patriarch of the family when his father dies
    >>16, becomes high preist of Jupiter and gets married to the daughter of the current dictator (Sulla)
    Already ahead of 99% of people who ever lived

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