Self improvement help needed.
During work confrontations, when I speak to state my point, I begin to lose the air in my lungs and my voice really quick. It's hard to find the breath as well. So the concern comes out weak and without confidence despite the fact I know it's a good argument.
Why is this happening or what is happening and how do I improve this?
Thats what happens when youre a pajeet scammer
because you've been an abuse victim growing up and that your 'voice' has been stolen by your abusers which makes it so hard to speak up and assert opinions with confidence. Good luck
this
OP did u have a rough youth with yelling, violence, or manipulative behavior?
I’m not OP, but yeah. There’s a lot of times where I’ve been yelled at and not allowed to speak for myself
>pre school punched a girl in her balls for being mean to me, was a Christian school, 3 teachers hanged up on me where one would question me and as soon as my mouth opened another would start yelling bloody murder and cut me off saying to never even look at a woman again (I was like 4 or 5)
>2nd grade talking about dinosaurs/Godzilla with friends, israelite kid randomly told teacher I was antisemitic to him (total lie, had no concept of religious or race based hatred at this point we also we discussing dinosaurs and godzilla), The teacher (israeli) did the same shit. Every time try to speak to answer her and explain the truth or ask for clarity because I didn’t know what she was talking about she cut me off and b***hed at me. Guidance counselor and principal (all israeli) did the same shit. Had non blood israeli family and grew up celebrating Hanukkah until age 10 so it was especially confusing
>went to an after school program because parents worked and the counselor did the same shit to me the couple times I got into trouble
>father and mother did the same shit to me whole life, didn’t even have to be in trouble they’d just snap at me and talk over me whenever I opened my mouth usually lecturing and berating me over nothing
>older sister was very manipulative often got me in trouble just because she could
My father still cuts me off when I try to speak to him to this day, no more of the yelling shit at least.
How fix
Yell back.
the next time your dad talks over you, say, "shut up, israelite" and continue talking
lol honestly I would fricking explode, speak my mind MUCH louder than they can tolerate and then probably leave to let the heat die down
Not suggesting you try to do this btw as it won't fix shit and could even make any underlying issues worse. But it certainly creates a deterrent to someone stepping all over you because they know you won't tolerate it.
The best answer is to be completely unaffected and calm, but assertive where necessary. Think "what would chad do?". He wouldn't explode in anger, nor take abuse in silence. He would command respect with his very presence, and with his extremely high charisma defuse the situation.
I’ve exploded at people in the past, it’s effective in the moment because they cower and avert their gaze and suddenly go quiet, but then I’m seen and treated as the unhinged lunatic with anger issues. It’s like 0 timid homosexual or 100 loud angry c**t, and anything in between im just spoken over.
This isn’t even too much an issue about being talked over anymore I do this when that happens now
>*cut them off with a loud but not over the top tone* You will get your chance to speak when I am done. Allow me the same courtesy I give you.
If there’s other people this can work as a humiliation thing, make them feel childish sometimes it’s effective
>if they do it again I will continue talking anyways
>if it still happens I just stop speaking and pretend they don’t exist, never acknowledge that person again in my life, have started entire new conversations with other people in front of people like this
>if they keep trying to get my attention I’ll wiener my head and look super disgusted then back to talking to someone else
USUALLY this makes the person frick off and stay away from me. If I can’t get respect I don’t have to deal with disrespect either
But my main issue is I now have OPs problem if for example in a meeting I go all timid and meek and can’t even speak at all, it’s not a place to yell either.
>someone said i was antisemitic , total lie
>proceeds to be antisemitic
meds
>hook is gold
>there isn't even any bait on the hook
This whole line of meme pics are in and of themselves bait.
>can’t fricking read
I thought your peoples one redeeming factor was intelligence but I guess not
They just cheat on IQ tests, like they do in everything else
Lmao
>I-I’m just gonna pull random assumptions out of my ass and assert it as fact
This is called coping, anon. You couldn’t be further from the truth in fact my biggest frustration with other people is the inability to take criticism and acknowledge fault. It’s okay to be flawed, that’s being human, but it is not okay to blame shift or think you’re immune to criticisms. The simple fact is that you are coming to random various conclusions about my story based on your life experiences. It isn’t me you’re mad at. But consider leaving your mental cage sometime.
And I offered you an out with calling that bait, I hoped you weren’t being serious. But it seems you are. You could benefit from some self reflection, it may help you fill that gaping butthole you’ve pulled this out from.
None of your frankly basic sugar coating hides the fact that you were clearly the bully growing up, own up to your shit
1.5/10 the antisemitic anon had batter bait than you. I’m more offended by your lack of creativity in this bait. Do better loser.
Why do I just know that this is how you've approached any form of criticism throughout your entire life?
You gotta get super aggro and yell at one of these frickers one day knowing full well that you're going to lose your job and/or burn a bridge. Also get comfortable burning bridges. It's much harder to pretend to be okay and try to speak at a normal volume when shit like that happens. Just let it out man. Fricking fight one of them. The sting of being a b***h will literally haunt you for an entire lifetime, but you'll only be in jail for a couple of days and get a fine at worst if you go ballistic and fight someone. It's good for the soul man.
I feel like a caveman stuck in a society that has forgotten what life without laws and rules is like. wienery, arrogant even, blinded by this thing we call civilization.
That's how it is for most people. They really do face no consequences. Getting aggro with people will often have them cowering to you and granting you much more respect though. You don't even have to do anything to them really. Just the mere thought of potential physical violence is enough to scare people into treating you better.
You will also come up against people that think they are the baddest motherfrickers that have ever lived though, even if they have never thrown a punch and would get absolutely fricked up by basically everyone. There are a lot of men like this. It's just natural to think you're hot shit I suppose. The best part about these guys is that you can actually fight them and they won't call the police or back down. Since they don't know how to fight they are easy targets. If you take 6 months or 1 year of boxing training you can easily beat every single untrained person in a standing bare knuckle match. It's not even close. They all fricking suck so bad at punching it's unreal.
So just go sign up for boxing. You'll get the anger and rage out and it will help you not feel so helpless or whatever. You will also be able to frick up basically any untrained person in a fist fight. Watching untrained people fight is literally like watching a toddler try to swim for the first time and they are just flailing wildly and crying to 0 effect before they succumb to the water
Think about it like this man. If you don't express those feelings that you have, then you will never correct the course of your life. You will always be I places where men are not allowed to be men and where you can't have healthy disagreement. You'll be forever surrounded by little pussy homosexuals that try to cut you down. Even if you do lose a job to this shit, just get another one. Jobs are fricking worthless. There are so many damned jobs out there (unless you have a really really fricking good one. In which case, just blatantly ignore these gays and disrespect them at every given opportunity in front of others). The more you live in harmony with what you know to be true, the closer you get to living a life that will harmonize with you rather than trying to log-on hole yourself onto being someone that you know you're not
Part of the issue I have is I don’t want to go to prison or jail and the types of homosexuals who do this shit would 100% have no apprehension to running and pressing charges while acting totally innocent. They’re rats, literal human roaches who never once faced any real consequences. It’s a bunch of nonmen and b***hes. I’m
and I have gotten violent at times when I’ve hit breaking points. But I dislike it.
Just get a different job dude. Don't sacrifice your well-being for whatever the frick you're doing
A lot of what you said rings true with me, not as severe but similar enough.
Like the other c**ts said, one day when you're in a foul mood, get loud and enjoy it. Nobody expects the worm to roar. You may lose the battle but people will think twice before starting shit with you going forward.
I mentioned to some of the others, I have snapped numerous times and it can feel fricking great but it rarely actually benefits me. I’ve snapped and hurt people physically, I’ve but my tongue for weeks and been pushed around at a job by coworkers until I threw a manlet over a wall and yelled “homosexual” in front of management right in his face. Yeah these people stay away, but the social credit after is an issue. Granted, I think it’s better to be seen as a violent moron than a timid pussy who everyone picks on. But I would rather not have to resort to this.
I do. My father yelled a lot. So the idea that it's trauma based is likely valid.
Oddly this is only happens sometimes. Usually in a group setting. I feel my BP rise, my diaphragm go weak, and my voice level decline.
Fighting, prob not. I'm quite active and don't have the desire to add in fighting sports at 38.
Was in the military. Got yelled at alot so the receiving end is no problem. It's the response.
I feel as though the military makes it worse in some cases depending on your NCOs/units. It's one thing to get yelled at for fricking up or for having a discrepancy. It's entirely moronic, however, when you're getting yelled at by a power-tripping homosexual or someone letting their emotions get in the way. Say shit and they pull rank, but bite your tongue and you still suffer internally.
that's the shit I hated most about the Army.
"You must always act professional"
unless you're an NCO when its expected you throw a temper tantrum and carry on like an butthole with an anger disorder every single time something doesnt go exactly right.
Wtf? Does your parents yelling at you qualify as abuse?
If that's the case, I hail from the most abusive household in existence.
yes. you've been stockholm syndrome'd
One day when you're visiting them at their nursing home, scream in their faces. After they shit and piss themselves, tell them that you only get angry because you live them, and tough love builds character 🙂
>Wtf? Does your parents yelling at you qualify as abuse?
Jim Morrison was fricked up by his dad who they say never beat him but gave him military-style dressing downs. He was a Navy man and bawled him out.
There are lots of ways to frick up a kid because they are stupid, fragile things that can seem outwardly resilient.
Jim morrison was a glowBlack person homosexual and the least talented part of the whole band. His entire draw was getting super fricked up on drugs, then later in his career insanely drunk, on stage, then acting like a lunatic and pissing himself. He sold because he was a human trainwreck moron.
t. The Doors superfan since age 13. I just have enough maturity and have done enough research to know that what I said is what it is.
Also Admiral Steve Morrison was a fricking failure who couldn't even establish proper marine domination over fricking vietnam when it was 95% rural peasants.
I remember always being cut off if i wanted to say something. Then i was 15-16 and suddenly i had a voice, i was heard, i was allowed to speak, which was in vein because i already had severe problems with my speech because i never had anyone to talk to. Sucks that parents never truly care who you become only what you do.
You (were) litteretly me
this. Traumatic childhood makes your life hard mode compared to normies
train your lungs the way swimmers do
Focus on the other person rather than yourself. This is a symptom of anxiety and is related to how self-conscious you are. Don't think about your own inner self and your feelings, focus on the other person and external objects. Don't be introspective.
>I'm going to "win" le argument because of my perfect logic!
lol
In your head if you "win" an argument, how does this make your life easier? Do you want to make enemies at work? Do you think they will suddenly see the error of their ways?
The only time you should be getting confrontational at work is if someone oversteps a boundary, and even then you should just make a statement, not argue about it.
To some extent based, but if the boss gets the feel that other guy "wins the argument ergo he is right/is more valuable" He might get a promotion and you might get fired if the budget is short.
Good advice for keeping a position but not that good for advancing. I do the exact opposite of what you say, I escalate everything at work and am willing to make an enemy out of anyone and do my best to ruin them, for example a colleague commented about me being late one time so I left his wife a letter about his affair. In three years I’ve managed to climb from an entry level position to the CEO texting me at 11pm asking if I want to go out for drinks. It’s a literal jungle and the top of the food chain has no problem playing with their food and neither should you if you want to be up top.
What do you do if someone is just a genuinely good dude though? Ruin them anyway?
I know this will sound horrible, but if it benefits me I will do it without batting an eye. I’ve done it before too.
You're a genuine piece of shit
You just dont have what it takes to make it in the world
lol. you have a very different picture of what making it is than mosst of the world.
" CEO texting me at 11pm asking if I want to go out for drinks" sounds like something a 15 year old girl would say.
>still thinks the people who run shit got there by working hard instead of being popular
Newsflash the world is one big highschool
>act like a piece of shit
>backstab your friends just so you can get a gay little promotion
>excited to be able to suck your CEOs wiener at lunch every day
>trade your soul for a little bit of money
>you play this cut throat gay "ladder climbing" bullshit
>your only rewards are that you get to work harder for someone that also considers you to be entirely disposable and you get a pittance of shekels for your unremitting loyalty
>the longer you play this game the more you get to be around people that would chop your testicles off for $1000 dollars
>the more you get to be around people that would personally rape your wife and children in front of your face if they knew it would save their own skin
>this is somehow making it
Holy frick dude. You are delusional. You'll never get anything out of what you're doing. You're an actual fricking golem that is obsessed with the vain and material. That is not making it. You got bought for some homosexual car and now you're your bosses little b***h
how did this simple thread of "How to overcome anxiety" form into this?
If being a "status" obsessed Machiavellian person that withers all his humanity with every little thing and chance at work is making it then I sure want to fail as hard as possible.
You're not making it, in fact you're destroying and betraying everything that's worth a cent from life for nothing.
I am thank you.
Smart
It wasn’t me who triggered you but your reply is directed at me as I started the convo, so I will respond.
I don’t care what you think, I am happy being who I am, it is very childish to think that everyone sees the world from your idealistic prism, enjoy your honor and being nice.
Oh I agree, I only openly attack if someone is openely verbally aggressive to me.
Not him but again you attack my original post when replying so I will respond, my idea of making it is living in a penthouse in the first world when I was born in a 3rd world favela, which is what I did, keep coping.
I’m non of the anons you replied to (I like women) but I remember you mentioning your story a few months ago. I actually changed my view, you’re not a scumbag at all. And its purely over
>oh I agree I only attack if someone starts it
Youre not just some malicious piece of shit for no reason because you CAN, you do it with a purpose and that I can respect and get behind. I’ve met many people who backstabbed and betrayed for quite literally no reason and I hate those people. I’ve met people who start it verbally, I retaliate verbally with matched energy, and they go on like absolute b***hes over me daring to have the audacity to retaliate. I’ve ruined lives and I hate how good I am at it. It’s natural. But like you I don’t do this unless provoked.
>made a piece of shit who I was. A genuine friend to end up with a fat BPD psychopath who cheats as his first real GF, he’s so attached and delusional he has no idea how badly he’s being used and manipulated. She makes him wipe her ass sometimes. She makes him do all the house work, pay all the bills, while she lays around all day no job for lazy sex 1x/month. Last I saw she was beating him and leaving bruises. Hes in so deep he thinks hes chad thunderwiener
>ruined my exes new relationship of 2 years on her anniversary. Sent her a single text saying “hi” and she did the rest like I knew she would. For months sexted me and sent me nudes. Even said she was single. Actually began giving benefit of the doubt to her and thought she grew and changed from when we were together, then one day she insulted me so I sent the guy everything. Now she’s a stripper and she’s fat, post wall
These aren’t even in a professional setting to climb the ladder they’re purely to ensure those who have legitimately wronged me do not get to wind up happier than me after the fact. These are the types I described who will backstab despite having nothing to gain from it, just doing it to do it.
I disagree. It’s better to be everyone’s friend and keep your Machiavellian tricks, anger and pettiness invisible. All of my colleagues think I’m a really friendly albeit eccentric person who is very intelligent and accommodating. The few times I’ve shown displeasure, anger or vengefulness they take note because it’s so outside what they expect. You don’t want to use the nuclear option every time or risk getting caught in a web of lies and deceit over little things. And yes things can catch up to you while you’re progressing to the top and making too many enemies significantly increases this probability.
I have documents outlining every time my manager has been late to meetings (often occurrence), his lame excuses and other transgressions, serious or otherwise. I am always going over his head and I deal mostly with his boss and we grab coffee together a lot. When I denigrate his name and let slip how he’s a moron it comes out so organically and innocuous that there is never a target on me or thoughts that I’m bitter and vindictive. That’s how you do it. And if and when he wants to fire a shot at me he’s going to be shocked at what I bring because it’s good to be underestimated and speak softly while carrying a big stick. most people want to see me succeed and will help me.
sick fricks like this is why i chose to stay a lifelong NEET
You aren’t “choosing” to be a neet you’re just telling yourself you are because of a pathological sour grapes defense mechanism. You have always been a loser (however you wish to define these metrics) and you lack the basic competitive survival instincts that even the most lowly single-called organisms possess. Your spoiled upbringing means you are decoupled from universal cause-and-effect laws regarding survival, for example you can do nothing but get food, water, shelter and distractions. You’re infantilized and have not reached key developmental milestones that mark the progression from childhood to manhood.
So no, there is no choice in the matter. You simply lack the wherewithal and fortitude to compete with your fellow man. And your response isn’t critical introspection but sour grapes: “w-w-well I don’t w-want to compete if it means getting my hands dirty”. Absolutely pathetic and this is why children of current middle class and white trash are so abysmal in their abilities and outlook.
frick you
hey, different anon here, but I like what you have to say. lately I've become a real bad person and father. I'm basically irritable towards my wife and children most of the time, and I"m constantly snapping at them. my mood is extremely low, and I feel submissive and inferior to basically everyone (although I'm also very annoyed by most people and feel like they are inferior to me in a different sense).
I really resonate with what you've said about being decoupled from universal cause-and-effect laws regarding survival. At a young age I believe I "chose" not to pursue these further developmental milestones out of mild laziness or perhaps morbid curiosity (or maybe as a call for help), but I didn't realize that my temporary experiment (at age 5) would turn into lifelong habits. do you have any advice? I basically can't "really" get myself to do anything or change myself; I can only manipulate symbols in my head.
my father always told me to "get my nose to the grindstone", "buckle down" etc. I have massive problems with procrastination and motivation. I feel like when most people feel shame, it motivates them to change their behavior; with me, I take no action, and my self-confidence drops lower. there is a very basic feedback loop that is broken inside me.
I wish I had advice that would turn a switch on inside of you both but I just don’t. I think that the most difficult time, the period where most failure occurs, is between those periods of almost manic ambition (“I’m going to do things differently starting tomorrow morning/Monday/2024”) and when you wake up or otherwise approach your Moment of Action. What changes? Your mindset and motivations: those promised goals and efforts from the night before have evaporated with the morning sun and are either completely forgotten or seem like a cringey memory you’d rather not remember.
Like lifting, you need to force yourself to commit ESPECIALLY during the low periods. You need to turn it into a routine which means faking it until you make it and not missing a day. It’ll feel artificial, difficult, silly, not worth it, pointless and so on when your not feeling motivated. But afterwards you’ll feel a small burst of pride. Before you know it it’s now your routine and default although you still need to maintain it with some forced focus.
It’s all about mindfulness. For you (), I think you need to reflect on how quickly your children grow up and how fleeting this time is, so enjoy each moment. This might mean forcing yourself to play and be attentive even when you’d rather not. The theme in my rambling is that you can’t expect it to come naturally and feel bad that it doesn’t. Just write a list of what you want to change and maybe read it every morning as a reminder. Have a plan and force yourself to do it no matter what, just like lifting. Reps reps reps and before you know it you’ll be seeing small incremental gains and soon it’ll be part of your life.
>hey, different anon here, but I like what you have to say. lately I've become a real bad person and father. I'm basically irritable towards my wife and children most of the time, and I"m constantly snapping at them. my mood is extremely low, and I feel submissive and inferior to basically everyone (although I'm also very annoyed by most people and feel like they are inferior to me in a different sense).
Sounds like low testosterone actually
>for example a colleague commented about me being late one time so I left his wife a letter about his affair
lol, did you frick her later, too? Was Einstein there, cheering you on?
>/fitness/
but neverthless train yourself to speak slowly. s-l-o-w like speaking to a moron. try it.
Not op, but gonna try it.
Breath control, also first practice your big boy voice on chat rooms so you don’t need to make eye contact
I’m the same way and I honestly think it’s linked to past childhood traumas. This isn’t normal or natural, you learned to be this way. And even though it’s far easier to do as a child, which is also why it’s harder to fix as an adult because you learned this in formative years, it CAN be fixed as an adult.
I think fighting is a good way. A combat sport, training, sparing, and actually competing. I think that’s one way to help fix this. Purely because it will give you confidence and show you you have nothing to fear. If you can hold your own in a fight, you can hold your own verbally.
Another is military. If you can deal with boot camp and being b***hed out in front of everyone, you could have a thick skin and unlearn this timidness, I think. I wouldn’t join the military just for this though and especially not if you’re in your career already.
I went the army (combat) route in an attempt to improve it among other social things
Just going through it won't be enough (it did improve it slightly in my case) but I guess you have to deliberately train this (fictional) muscle
calm down, it just happens when adrenaline pushes too far: once I was chased by the neighbor's fricking dog, tried to scream but couldn't even squeal, also started to happen once my daughter got into a fight at the playground and the other parent wanted a fight, my voice started to sound weird but once I took a breath to calm down since my child was watching my voice got normal again
so, just fricking breathe and don't overreact
I sometimes have dreams where I'm in a fight, but my movements are very slow like I'm underwater, while my opponent's moves are very fast. I always wake up feeling helpless, exactly the way I feel when I am in a confrontation.
Honestly the only thing that has helped has been using drugs which made me extremely irritable and anger prone, which made me explode in rage to people around me, which in turn made me more comfortable with conflicts in general.
Your milage may vary.
Lately when I have these types of dreams I can peel back the 4th wall just enough that I’m not lucid and aware I’m in a dream, but enough I can say “lol frick this Black person” and make those underwater punches send the person flying back or summon a gun in my hand (I have dreams of being chased by someone with a knife often) or in some cases leg check them so they fall and then straight up piss on them. Always ends in “and then everyone clapped” unironically like everyone around cheers and laughs at the other person which feels more like a testimonial to this being a shitty gay dream and unrealistic than it does good
But it does feel like a sense of reclaimed power, your own dreams are the one place you should be in total control imho
I used to have these. Or I’d have flying dreams but the whole sky was filled with bars so that I could really fly but just get stuck in the bars and scramble around them. Brutal.
You need drive, anger and not give a frick
For me my self hatred gives me drive and anger and i don't give a frick anymore cuz i've been dealin with misery for so long that i'm completely dissociated from others
So yeah be a lunatic i guess, or if thats not possible mby do a long cycle of roids for confidence so u can get positive confrontational experiences that effects will carry even after quit
Interesting thread. Im glad Im not alone in this problem. Seems to be an adrenaline issue but also the fact that we put up with a lot of shit where our justifiable retaliation would only punish us even more.
I don’t like getting in verbal arguments and usually give up or walk away even when I know Im right because it isnt worth creating a scene for an idiot’s sake. Physically however I would gladly gouge out someone’s eyes
High serotonin and estrogen, probably induced from lifelong stress. You are getting worked up, your cadence shifts in the middle of your lines.
>reduce serotonin thru thyroid therapy
https://dannyroddy.substack.com/p/demystifying-thyroid-supplementation
>reduce estrogen with Ray Peat Carrot salad-> long shreds of carrots coated with coconut oil, apple cider vinegar, honey and salt. This will absorb the estrogen and endotoxins in your gut.
>talk alone a lot and make sure you control your rhythm from beginning to end. Read out loud a lot.
>breathing exercises, expand your ribcage thru breathing squats->cross bench pullovers
>get a girlfriend to constantly emulate that you have control over someone else. Plus confidence boost.
Anyway thyroid therapy that doesn’t need medication? Is it possible to naturally fox T3/t4 levels?
The carrot salad I mentioned will do the trick, estrogen is the opposite of thyroid so if you reduce one the other goes up. Less estrogen, less acting like a neurotic woman. The coconut oil has a "pro-thyroid effect increases the liver's ability to store glycogen" and you counter unsaturated oils in your system that "inhibit the secretion and transport of thyroid hormones, and block the ability of tissues to respond to them.)".
>"Manganese is needed to synthesize thyroxin, so a deficiency can interfere with thyroid function (coffee is a major source of manganese, and caffeine also stimulates the thyroid)."
>Heart, eggs, skin (gelatin) and milk are more favorable to the thyroid.".
Reduce these:
>"Other anti-thyroid foods are peanuts, basedbeans, raw cabbage, radishes, broccoli, cauliflower, unsaturated oils (such as safflower, corn, cottonseed, and onions oils)"
If you wake up and your temps are between 98°-98.6°F you are good to go. Warm and focused.
I’ll look more into this and try to implement it. BUT
>Caffeine
Dawg I am a caffeine addict I take in like 400mg at minimum per day. I’m trying to quit though, because that may unironically be the whole problem for me. I may have wasted my 20s ana nxious wreck due to my abhorrent caffeine abuse(had 3 pots a day at one point, 1000mg+ worth of energy drinks for a while etc). Even on 200mg I’m anxious as hell though. I haven’t gone over 24 hours with no caffeine in years. I wonder if that’s all it takes? I’ll try….
>broccoli
I thought broccoli was anti estrogen cruciferous or whatever it’s called
>temps
I have to test again I remember suspecting this a few years ago but I forgot what my temps were.
A simple blood test will tell you if your t3 and t4 is abnormal. Have you done this?
Or are you just gonna start fricking with your thyroid because some guy watched a youtube video about carrots?
where do morons come up with this shit?
Guy has some sort of trauma based social anxiety and you clowns spout memes about salads that reduce estrogen.
OPs estrogen is likely totally normal. Giving him low estrogen from whatever means literally makes anxiety worse
>I have a trauma-response to confrontation in everyday life
>Have you tried carrots?
KEKARONI AND CHEESE
Do you mentally prepare yourself first?
Being able to handle confrontation is a skill, and like any skill, it's best to learn it as a stepwise function. Start off with small, low-risk confrontations to build up your tolerance. The problem is (likely) anxiety, and the only solution is to expose yourself to low-grade anxiety so you can become accustomed to it. I've also found that cardio really helps with this problem. It helps my body learn that increased heart rate isn't apocalyptic.
This. For me, unironically playing online video games with voice chat is a safe introduction to get through this exact same problem.
Not only does it help get over the fear of putting your voice out there. it helps with thinking on your feet and dropping witty comebacks on the fly.
So even in a group settings when there is cheeky banter getting dropped, you can comfortably fire back with some bangers instead of just looking down at your feet and awkwardly laugh, you'll be the butt of every joke in that case.
>Being able to handle confrontation is a skill, and like any skill, it's best to learn it as a stepwise function. Start off with small, low-risk confrontations to build up your tolerance. The problem is (likely) anxiety, and the only solution is to expose yourself to low-grade anxiety so you can become accustomed to it. I've also found that cardio really helps with this problem. It helps my body learn that increased heart rate isn't apocalyptic.
Frick all of this time wasting bullshit. Just start boxing and your tolerance for adrenaline will go up dramatically almost over night. The volume on the rest of your life goes way down when you realize that the worst that can usually happen is that you get into a fight and if you do get into a fight now you can win it.
lol i got a deep manly voice but had some health problems this year for some reason my voice would get super fricked up and not sound right because i was low on energy and tired and stressed out. Couldnt explain it bit i swear i came off as insane because my voice was constantly changing.
Id say you have to make sure you feel energised so, get sleep, check for health problems (in my case it affected my gut and throat) and get fit.
you dont need to convey your thoughts while you think them. Pause, take a breath, speak again.
Damn loads of fricked up stories in this thread.
Anyway, changing your voice and way of talking isn't set in stone and can be changed with the right kind of exercise and training. The problem is though that this requires speaking with other and to others in a controlled environment for that very purpose of training.
There is a ton of coaches on giving speeches or talking publicly on YouTube which would definitely recommend checking out for a start. Might seem cringe at the beginning but it's the same with fitness tubers. You gotta start somewhere.
Then it becomes a matter of training with others. Either you manage to incorporate it into your daily life naturally or straight up get a real coach you pay for 1on1 training. There are also courses for giving corpo presentations but they don't really tackle the matter on the same way.
Having a strong voice and presence makes a big difference and I can understand everyone who suffers from a lack their off. Don't wait too long to get professional help if you can improve your life with this.
I'm 31 and my voice still cracks. You can do cardio, I can only repurpose the jumprope.
this is funny though lol
Same situation (22), I think it has to do with an internal block. Training is important, yes, but there is some kind of learned helplessness/trauma that is fricking it all up.
If I could only get rid of that block, and people that don't have it won't be able to relate. Otherwise I have had plenty of moments to "train" my confrontation skill.
And I don't have trouble going outside etc.
I think it's generally a good idea to always take a deep breathe before you speak
Talk with your gut, not with your throat, just like with singing
Yeah, good advice. I have a bad habit of takking an octave higher than natural when talking with more senior peers, managers, etc. As I walk away wondering what the frick is wrong with me, I realise I'm throat talking, not chest talking. It's something that takes a lot of focus before it becomes natural.
Practice positive / productive confrontation. That is, disagree with your friends and family and learn how to make it not an argument or personal. You can teach yourself to approach anything positively, and not take it as a slight on your ego to be wrong.
Go somewhere private and learn to shout. Project your voice until you get used to the sound of it, otherwise it's kinda like a subconscious version of speaker-rape that's forcing you to lunge for the volume knob.
Alternately take singing classes.
>be me
>little kid in elementary school
>in PE (gym class)
>sitting in "assigned spot"
>far away from most people
>sitting next to the fricking weird kid
>I don't mind though because I will interact in a cordial manner with everyone
>always felt bad for the weird kids
>talk to him from time to time, but keep my distance
>can't remember his name or what he looks like
>don't want him to get attached to me because he's a fricking weirdo and is really awkward
>doesn't understand social cues. Might be autistic. Probably has no friends. Probably dying for social interaction
>talk to him anyway
>this is a mistake
>the rest is blurry
>walking around doing something
>either mid class or at the end of class, teacher blows whistle and tells us to go back to assigned spots
>get to mine quickly, sitting cross legged
>weirdo comes up behind me
>starts play wrestling with me from behind
>pushing me around
>clearly just an awkward moron
>do not engage with any of it
>don't want to get in trouble with PE teacher for fricking around when we are supposed to be sitting
>he keeps fricking with me
>tell him to stop multiple times
>he won't stop
>wrap arm around his leg to trip him
>trip him
>he gets up with greater ferocity this time
>gets even mire annoying
>keep telling him to stop
>this moron fricking mounts me
>legs wrapped around my waist. Actual bjj back mount
>arms around my head like a rear naked choke but he's not choking me, just hanging there
>me
>thousand yard stare into distance
>time freezes
>contemplate what the frick to do in this instance
>this kid will absolutely not just frick off
>incredibly annoying
>I know that it's going to be this same stupid horseshit every fricking day if I don't put a stop to it
>I know what I must do
cont.
You shouldn’t have had manlet genes. Small hands on a 5’1” body typed this, it’s obvious.
>time unfreezes
>tell him once more very calmy and sternly to get off of me
>he doesn't even respond
>just continues to wallow all over me making herky jerky movements
>laughing to himself
>He's the only one having fun
>that was his last warning
>I begin leaning forward
>he is now directly on top of me while I'm turtling
>get knees on ground
>sit up
>one foot down
>two feet down
>in a deep squat position folded over with this fricking spaz on my back
>squat the homosexual until I'm standing upright
>tell him once more to stop
>not listening
>start spinning around to try to get him off of me
>maybe he will lose his grip and give up or get tired
>nope, he got the moron strength
>my patience has entirely run out
>bend slightly forward
>launch myself backward as hard as I could muster
>back of Kid's head slams directly into the hardwood gym floor
>sounds like a fricking gun shot
>the back of my head slams directly into his face
>This works
>he finally let go
>I am free at last
>I stand up
>look at him
>blood is everywhere
>knocked out one or several of his teeth
>tooth/teeth lying on the ground
>mouth is red as frick
>his hand is shaking trying to cover his mouth
>catch a glimpse inside, yup, he definitely lost a tooth
>tears everywhere
>I may have split the back of his skull but idk
>I take momentary stock of my own body
>I feel no pain and am perfectly okay
>turned out better than expected
>look around
>the whole fricking gym is staring at us
>the entire place is dead fricking silent except for the echoing wails of despair reverberating throughout the gym
>stood there just looking at him for what seemed like 20-30 seconds
>nobody moved
>everyone was just in shock as to what happened
>the fricking gays didn't care when he was riding my back like an actual goddamned monkey but now they will pay attention when someone gets hurt
>can't fricking stand people
>the PR teacher and another teacher come and grab him
>exits the gym with him
cont.
>get back to class
>I'm just scared that I'll get in trouble
>no teacher ever talked to me about it
>nobody ever asked what happened
>nobody asked why I did it
>no police
>parents never found out
>no investigation of any kind
>didn't get sent to principles office
>didn't get detention/ISS/OSS
>I don't think he ever said anything about it to anyone
>if he did, they probably just recognized that he was a moron harassing me and I retaliated
>never saw the kid ever again
>kid just vanished like a fricking ghost
>might have changed schools and moved away
>he legitimately might have died for all I know
>no kids ever mention him
>no kids ever bring up the incident or ask me what happened
>nobody even seemed to care really
>They were all probably as annoyed with him as I was and were just glad to see him gone
>can't even remember his name or what he looks like really
>the whole time period of this happening I barely remember
>I hated this time in my life
>this is one of the few memories I have of that time
>don't even feel remotely bad about it
>I just fricked this annoying kid up and faced 0 repercussions
>felt so fricking good
>I now crave violence from time to time
>have done equally or much more psychopathic shit since then also generally with 0 consequences
>one of the best feelings in the world
>develop moral code
>can't partake in these acts without feeling very guilty now
>now I'm just a gay like everyone else
Thanks for coming to my TED talk. Glowies hit me up to be an unfeeling Psycho agent. I'll do the stuff if it's justifiable and not purely for evil
The only solution for this is to get is to more confrontations until you're comfortable in navigating them. I used to be like you but now I take it too far.
I used to be overflowing with confidence in confrontational scenarios, some friends didn’t like it because when we’d be out and someone fricked with us they knew I’d start talking shit
After a few years working sales jobs where “the customer is always right” and management chipping away at me for running jackass customers off, I started to develop anxiety towards confrontations
It came from feeling powerless mostly
I started boxing classes with frequent sparring matches and lifting and that definitely helped give my confidence back
Still get that dropping blood pressure dizziness with rapid heartbeat, but I don’t feel like I’m going to cry or vomit anymore
I would suggest two things
first read this book really
>Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself
>join martia art club, box, muya thai, mma, bjj, whatever you like
Took us this many comments to get to a non-moronic suggestion. A decent book about not being a cuck and a physical pursuit that has a component of discipline.
I don't believe carrot salad and manganese can help undo maladaptive behaviours stemming from childhood trauma and neglect, even though the intent is well meaning. Nor acts of revenge or spite; it's just fuel for the trauma. Working with a therapist with such modalities such as Schema therapy might be a better option. Do so with care and compassion for yourself. Anxiety and depression are usually perpetuating the dysfunction.
At one stage, your brain developed these mechanisms to survive, but now you are recognising they no longer serve to help you. That's a good step forward.
It's easy to viscerally react to those who've done you wrong with a violence, but that usually comes from a place of hurt, abandonment or a feeling of being unsafe, and for whatever reason that need was never met. But you can certainly change it around, and SNRIs/SSRIs aren't a cure, it goes back to being in a space you feel secure to work alongside someone you have trust and rapport with to work through this stuff.
I'll also say, for anyone looking to reclaim their voice, learning to speak assertively (not passively and not aggressively) is a good way to be heard whilst not undermining or invalidating the other party. Because I'm sure there's a lot of people here who are challenged with that.
Do what I did, gain body fat + lots of muscle. Take up space. People will move out of their way be afraid to even confront you. You could break the rules and do what you want, management can't tell you shit. They do however try to do things subtly thinking you won't notice tho.
But also practice basic social skills. Otherwise you'll be exposed, they'll assume you're a dumbass or low status.
What if OP trained a martial art? He wouldn't be able to punch c**ts at the office (probably) but I figure there's part of one's lizard brain that tells them to go quiet or shit is going to escalate.
If you have gotten used to dealing with getting punched in the face and handling the adrenaline spikes I am not sure verbal confrontations would be as hard after that.