>try to help family because they have shit-tier finances, completely irresponsible and unhealthy lifestyle, and awful impulse / emotional self-control
>make sure not to be obnoxious or annoying, only offering occasional advice and helping them stay on top of things, keeping to healthier habits, and so on
>they shit all over me at any opportunity, pointing out random times I pissed myself as a baby and how I'm "so angry all the time" and how I'm being a "whiner" when the aforementioned hurts my feelings
>never express anger or pain, never yell, just leave for a while to self-reflect whenever upset
>they call me a baby for doing that
This harms my IST - health and fitness.
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Don't give advice unless it's asked for
This, even if asked just don’t put any effort in to help anyway.
It's hard to see one's family kill themselves through a combination of terrible habits and an awful mindset.
Also, I oftentimes offer the advice, and they're initially completely on the same page, but as soon as the day to do the agreed upon task comes, they just call me moronic.
>let's exercise together, it'll be great
>"okay, that would be good to do"
>exercise day comes, they make a bunch of excuses
>insist they do it because it's easy to make excuses, but hard to actually get going, and they'll feel a lot better once they're done with it
>"don't lecture me, anon, you [did x stupid thing when you were 5 years old]"
I don't even live with them, just visit regularly to help them.
It's hard but even if they're family there is nothing you can do. People are under Satan's spell in the world.
Why do you care about people who dont care about you? Honest question? It isn't selfish to disassociate from people who drag you down and offer nothing in return. Your kin has already abandoned you and you dont even realize itZ
Hmmm. At this point you can either get ready to argue constantly if you wanna help them, or just visit for the sake of spending time together and ignore their life situation.
I'm in the same boat with my dad and have more or less accepted that he won't change until something bad happens and he's forced to.
You are a real one for trying to help, but you might be hurting their pride by doing that
Your thinking is in error because
(1) exercise is unhealthy
(2) stay in your lane and respect their freewill
As their child they have a serious problem with the idea of you surpassing their younger self in literally any aspect. They peed the bed when they were a toddler too
anon the only person that can save someone beyond prison or military tier bootcampt style pressures (which they will hate you for most likely) is themselves. you just have to accept that they are likely to die a painful earlier death whilst having experienced a objectively worse life due to their decisions. you cant change them, but you can be there for them
this and
advice is for people who actually use it. even still lifting is exceptionally fricking simple
Yep, you have to wait until you see the clouds apart and that ray of light shining through. Otherwise you are just trying to fist fight against a fog.
Get the frick away and dont post here until you do b***h
You cannot help people that don't want to be helped, no matter who they are, not even your own mother.
>offer advice
>they take every opportunity they can to shit on you
Stop trying to help. Let them kill themselves. If they are in a shit ton of debt you want nothing to do with them
Just remember that it's Satan not them. Still nothing you can do. Give them hugs when they insult you, I guess
I actually learned the hard way that the best way to help them is not trying to save them at all.
Make them realize that no one is coming to save them, they must throw a lifebuyo for themselves. If you try to save a drowning person who are not truly ready to change, you just drown yourself and burn out emotionally trying to change things that you cant control. They stay the same, but you start to waste your focus and atrophy.
I make 300k profit per year with e-commerce and have been improving my relationships, health and life in general for decades. My family are still obese, addicted to junk food and netflix binges, have health problems and still work jobs that they hate and is draining them in every possible way. I learned the hard way that if people are not truly ready to change, you only harm yourself by trying to help them. They get triggered, defensive and want to become even more unconscious about their problems as a ego defense mechanism. They feel like being judged and trying to change feels like finally admitting how horribly they have been living their lives.
Fortunately, when I finally stopped trying to help them, and gave slight hints its better to only focus my own growth for now, after couple of months they actually started to get interested by weight loss, nutrition and healthy cooking themselves. Lost massive amounts of weight and wanted to take blood test, allergy test, healthy food recipes, nutrition advice and other things I had resources to help with.
But they had to swim to the shore themselves first.
Never swim to the ocean to get drowned by other peoples emotional baggage.
>Never swim to the ocean to get drowned by other peoples emotional baggage.
This.
Yep, they have to show initiative to do most of the work themselves and swim to the shore first, before you help them with the little extra push. Never try to carry others the whole way.
You never swim to the ocean to fix others problems. You just waste your own energy and drown because they dont even want to retun to the land yet. You just hover next to them and waste all your time and strenght with zero return on investment. And now they can start playing the victim as they finally have an audience to pour their misery into. You will be just used as their emotional tampon/boxing bag. Been there, done that. Finally learned from the experience.
>never express anger or pain, never yell, just leave for a while to self-reflect whenever upset
As a man you have to be angry and berate people until they understand. I yell at my mom for not comprehending simple shit, and sometimes, SOMETIMES, she gets it. At least my dad isn't moronic.
Just accept it. My relative doesn't shit on my advice but he never follows through with his own or my takes.
Thus I can just hope.
>not actively getting them to indulge in their vices knowing full well they can not be helped and it would be a net benefit for you and your descendant to dispatch the rest of the bloodline to an early death for inheritance and consolidation of assets into the one family tree/unit which is most likely to succeed : you.
it's like you're not even trying to overcome the genetic dead ends that are your parents and siblings and make something out of the few wasted good genes that somehow got assimilated in you.
it's your moral imperative as the successful one to seek to (passively) destroy or expedite the process of others passing, in order for you to actually have the resources to grow your own brood of thoroughly bred successors (key word : success).
Also try to avoid being addicted into being a people pleaser and having Jesus complex of trying to save everyone. That should never be your only source to get self-worth or get validation from.
Sometimes even addiction to frustation and outrage porn (cortisol and adrenaline spikes) can manifest itself by doing these habits that just leads into frustation, arguments and fights. This shit is sub-conscious. Your mind just knows that you will get your fix of negative emotions, by trying to force a fattie into eating carrots and chia seeds.
>grow up raised by an overweight mother with diabetes who also weirdly enough has BPD
>b***h is literally addicted to causing drama, conflict, inflicting stress on her own children, constantly creating situations of stress, fear etc...
>grow up literally used as a cortisol/adrenaline blood bag for your cortisol junkie mother who probably craved it as a way to regulate her own hormonal deficiencies due to poor insulin
>eventually become extremely aware of people who have these behaviors of inducing stress in others because they like the hormonal state of balance they get into...
>realize there are those that thrive in conflict due to good adaptation, practicing healthy stress responses, and there are those that vampirize others by causing stress to regulate their own physiological imbalances.
it's 100% true. There are cortisol junkies among us. I prefer the pure adrenaline junkies who sky dive or climb cliffs or whatever, at least they only harm themselves. But the ones who crave cortisol...i wish we could eradicate them from our species.
Its kinda weird to realize that people can become addicted to emotions alone. Outrage porn and fear mongering is what drives news networks, television shows and social media these days. Its the product their customers want to consume.
But I suppose getting angry can feel like a level up emotionally, if you otherwise feel drained, confused and zombified all the time.
You live in a toxic family. There isn't anything you can do, but standup for yourself, and even then, if they are super toxic will do nothing In the end.
They have toxic insecurity and most likely envy runs through their bones. You are probably a people pleaser and trying to rescue them. That's how narcissistic relationships work, on some level, the victim wants to rescue /flatter the narcissist(s), but the narcissist will just abuse them. You need to destroy this part of you. Not saying to lose your empathy and kindness, but these people are beyond your help. They are filled with hate for themselves and others and this drives their entire life. You're just gonna pick up their trauma.
With that said, they probably aren't actually narcissistic just people with some trauma which makes them moderately toxic. You can try to set boundaries but it's quite possible it won't matter. It could though. It's best you learn to understand these people
>try to help family because they have shit-tier finances, completely irresponsible
kek, noobie mistake and everyone does it once if they don't know better.
Never loan to family, never get involved with family about money or politics and don't try to change people that don't want to change.
>helping my mother to lose weight
>buy her exercise gear, give her programming advice, make sure she stays on track with exercise
>her mother gets jealous and keeps buying a ton of sweets and sugar daily and leaving it all over the place and trying to make my mother eat it all the time
I really want to skin this dumb boomer c**t
wahhh the baby can't stand the banter waaaahhh