no matter much I wipe it's never enough to have a clean ass, so I either
>walk around and wait until leftover shit spreads out more so it's easier to wipe or
>take a shower and clean my butthole
>if I'm lazy and at home, sometimes I'll just shove my underwear up there
how do I wipemaxx? I just don't understand how most people are able to get a clean butthole from normal wiping. any other anons with this feel?
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Wet wipes, unironically. Otherwise you will always have a little poopy on your bumbum.
I don't want to clog pipes/septic tanks. I've heard even the "flushable" wipes are bad
Use a garbage can moron.
How often are you wiping at another person's house? Also like 1 wetwipe wont clog a toilet, it's only a problem on large scale, and you really can get most of your ass clean with a single wet wipe.
Bidet is the best though.
any plumber will tell you with great fervor that wet wipes are a scam
Just have a garbage can in your bathroom morons
at home is not really a problem because you could even hop in the shower, the issue is when you're out like at work or at someone else's apartment
I've never seen someone else's bathroom not have a trashcan, but in that case wet some TP.
>anon leaves my apartment
>check my bathroom trashcan
>it's full of his shit stained wet wipes
You only need 1 or 2 and then you finish with TP. You also dont have to leave the wet wipe open with your poop obviously on it, you can crumple/fold it.
fricking nasty shit smelling garbage cans
>Garbage can full of shit that stinks that you have to tak out and mix with your own trash
Disgusting
well I don't give a shit what a plumber thinks, they know about pipes, not clean asses. anyway the brand I buy (cottonele) says plumber approved right on the package no joke
Wet wipes absolutely WILL clog your pipes and they're a fricking gyp anyway. You don't need them if your sink is within arm's reach of your toilet. Just wad up some regular TP, get one end a little wet and there you go.
Adding on to this, get the warm water running and dab a little soap on the wad before cleaning yourself off. It will change your shidding experience 100%. Bonus if you follow up with a tiny bit of moisturizer to prevent dryness/irritation.
>I was recommended this by a proctologist
Bidet. Never get swamp ass again
I have anal fissures and they get really itchy sometimes. I discovered that itching them feels better than any orgasm. It’s like 30% of an orgasm but for much longer of a duration. I’ll use a sock and dig it up in there and start scratching and frick I swear if I could cum at the same time… it would probably ruin sex for me. I don’t wanna need a finger up my ass to cum.
Yeah itching my butthole feels really good too. Sometimes I give in.
and have the 'roids and yes this is true. thought i was the only sick freak enjoying it
i also have a theory that men with hemorrhoids live longer. the women cleanse their blood by menstruating which lowers blood pressure, renews blood cells nad generally makes you live bout 5 years longer. which is why god blessed the worthy men with hemorrhoids
The trick is to have good shits.
pic related an hour before or after eating a meal
Also fold up the tp a few times and wet it under the sink (if you don't want to get a bidet)
just spit on the tp so that you don't have to walk in front of everyone bare and soiled-assed in front of the people at the sinks and other stalls
I will keep the spitting in mind in an emergency situation
this was helpful, here's a (you)
i refuse to go into the office because i wont give up my post shit showers i started during wfh. squeaky clean all day bros
Why not use spit?
water
Probably not eating enough fiber. fiber produces solid bulk that scraps your intestines basically cleaning the pipes.
if all you eat is rice and protein powder your gonna have pastey shit pasted up all over your tubing , crusted along the walls.
Eat some leafy veggies and berries, psyllium husk, oats and shit, scrap those walls clean
I know because if i eat like potato chips only then i get the dreaded infinite paste wipe. but if i ate a good heart meal of potatos carrots and shit then it comes out in a solid log, and even the first wipe is pretty much clean and empty
Keep your gut healthy bro
I will never not laugh at people talking about taking a full shower just because they took a shit. You people are such morons lol
You don't need to take a full shower, moron. You just clean your butthole and get out, takes 30 seconds. You feel so much better compared to wiping your butthole.
Just get a bidet, why are westoids so fricking disgusting
> Pooping
NGMI
Your poop quality is low OP. The highest quality poops come back clean after one wipe.
I only poop before I shower, my butthole is as clean as a whistle 24/7
Are you timing your shower for your poops or can you poop on command?
three eggs and two cups of coffee, morning poop. workout, then shower
I just hold it to when I can shower. If I can't I'll poop in public but I've probably pooped in public like 10 times in my whole life.
It's simple. I generally poop 1 time a day after the breakfast so I just take a shower after poop. If i poop in the evening i just wash my ass.
IF YOUR ANUS ISN'T BLEEDING AFTER WIPING YOUR ASS, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. YOU NEED TO BE BLOODMAXING YOUR WIPES.
Eat healthier, fatty. Normal diet should be 40-50 grams of fiber.
I keep my ass hair free, because otherwise hair makes it harder to wipe. Also bidet. I only have to wipe once or twice
I shit every 48 hours.
It doesnt come often, but when it comes I even have to break it in peaces using a tree branch
It is real
100% diet issue, I bet you are a fat sack of shit who slurps junk food all day and dumps fat oily burning shits.
Fix your diet, your first wipe should already be shitless, and then you should use a bidet regardless if you don't live in a 3rd world shithole.
Take toilet paper, run it under the sink. Problem solved (moron).
what the frick, guys... thought this was an /ABDL/ (not the fetish group) board. but youre giving ADVICE on wiping??? wheres the pride? "heavy is the ass that wears the diaper."
I dont use normal toilet paper but rather house-paper or whatever you call it. its thicker and meant for wiping off wet surfaces and stuff. I wet the paper and wipe with two different pieces. Pooper is clean
Protip: Portable wet-vacs
Mr Heck
I'm so glad I'm not am*rican.
How many fricking times do I have to tell you idiots to buy a bidet? A bidet attachment like picrel is like $30 and you will always be clean.
How exactly do you aim this so you don't end up with water on ur butt cheeks? How do you get try after?
your buttcheeks will always get a little wet, your balls too. use a towel or tp to dry off
JUST CLEAN IT WITH WATER AND SOAP YOU FRICKING FILTHY moronS
Shave, dummy. I've got a porcelain sphincter and nothing clings to it.
I'm sure Tyrone loves your cleanshaven pink bussy, homosexual
lol what moron shaves his ass
Wax or use a chemical hair remover. Never shave your ass. Shaving is just for trimming.
My daddies love to eat my ass.
If you're at home just hop into a shower ffs
If you're outside, always carry a pack wet wipes. Regular toilet paper with shred your butthole.
Bonus advice: have a tube of lube and apply some before shitting, you'll pass it easier and with less stains
wipe dry until only very little shid
then spit on TP (collect while shid)
clean butt
there ya go works even on a budget
this
Wet your finger in the sink
Get up in there and clean yourself out
Apply TP
Wash hands THOROUGHLY
Just keep a sponge on a stick next to the toilet in a bucket of vingar or salt water like the ancient Romans did. When you get done with wiping with toilet paper, use the wet sponge to clean the rest. Also you can add a little lotion to your toilet paper for extra lubrication and hydration. Thanks for listening to my TED Talk.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xylospongium
>well known from literary sources
Yeah but it's not clear if they used it to clean their ass or the latrine. Probably the latter, while they used cloth tissues to clean their ass.
>Wikipedia link
>See also: shit stick
>link: anal cleansing / history
>link: toilet paper / invented in the 500s by Chinese
>See also: toilets in Japan
And now you've just sent me on an autistic journey of reading about historical anal cleansing. What a ride
Lmao, I had a good laugh.
No way you're that moronic... Just spit on the toilet paper and wipe 5 times.
>spit
I fricking hate americans so much it's unreal. Golems with nukes.
Obsessed
Animals lick their buttholes clean and you are afraid to use your spit?
I throw wet wipes into the toilet because I am a rent cuck.
Enjoy your clogged pipes when I move out.
I take all of my shits in the top of the toilet tank in public restrooms when applicable
get an italian bidet and wash your ass with soap
don't get the japanese one because they are worthless, they just splash your ass with water and you end up splashing the bacteria everywhere
You're a goddamned stupid moron.
>Italian bidet
You mean a sink?????? Why would i wash my ass in what is functionally just a sink?????? Why would i want to dig into my poopy ass crack with my hands, getting the poop all over them; and dripping bacteria infested poop water all over my back and down my legs????? Why not just hop in the shower at that point????!??????!!!!??????! Italian bidet LMAO, NONSENSE. You're just as moronic as my parents; who i love dearly, despite their decision to install such useless feature. Japanese style bidets are infinitely better
If your poop is infested with bacteria you need to see a doctor
what is in poop then, your body disposes it for a reason right it cant be healthy for you
if you seriously believe that shit is sterile you need to see a school from the inside.
>Japanese style bidets are infinitely better
you are genuinely moronic
stupid homosexual if you don't use liquid soap you are just splashing all the bacteria and poop all over your ass
is a bidet really solution, what if you are outside or at work or at someone elses place? carry wet wipes with you everywhere? even then i think wet wipes are really good but even when i use them i still feel like it is not 100 percent clean
>Those are the people calling you DYEL and crying because of no gf
Use this, honestly.
Or you can use a normal version
Baby wipes homie
The secret is to change the consistency of your shit. So it sticks together better and smears less. You can in fact have no wipe shits for example.
I wont however divulge how to achieve that as it is a well kept secret.
get a Bidet shower, life changing improvement.
you need to push and then scrape with the toiled paper a bit INTO your butthole to get the parts out that annoy you. you need to be careful with this but this is the trick.
when you done this sqeeze butthole hard and repeat that way you get even the rest out.
do this if you want to eventually soak entire rolls of toilet paper in your blood from hemorrhoids. If youre wiping a crayon you need a bidet or you risk tearing your butthole and introduce fecal bacteria into your wound and bloodstream. Stop being moronic about hygiene, nobody would wipe their shit stained hand with just paper.
i do this for decades. i dont have hemorrhoids my butthole is healthy as frick and one of my best friends.
>what is a bidet?
USA is such a joke and overrated.
I just wipe my ass and it’s done. Sometimes it’s harder and sometimes it’s barely nothing. Who cares how long it takes to wipe But I will never walk with shit in my pants.
And then you wonder why women are appalled by you.
If you live in america, flushable wipes are a perfectly suitable option. Turd world morons don't know this and their parents have ingrained in them that toilets don’t work well, probably cuz that is the case in whatever shithole they crawled out of. But I’ve been flushable wipes my whole life and there has never been a clogged pipe in my house.
SIRS
Wipe then use water (bidet or simply water in a bottle, ur choice) wipe again
If needed more water
just install a bidet, it's that simple
eat healthier mutt
Get a bidet.
Posting from my toilet btw, I'm now getting the toilet paper and moving to the bidet.