Bulk in anorexia recovery???

So basically I'm in eating disorder treatment, like I was at a res hospital for 6 months because last year I decided to "cut" and went from 136 to 85lbs. I'm 5'4 F for reference. So I've been regaining and refeeding for 7 months now, I'm currently 115 and I want to maintain but I'm supposed to gain 10lbs to reach my gw.
I don't want to. I lowkey want to just drop out of treatment, currently at a php level of care. I've been working out in my room and doing 30+mins of cardio per day to try and maintain on my meal plan (It's a LOT of food). They're making me eat seed oils and shit food and I just want to eat chicken and rice and be healthy and lift again and maintain and get lean. My fizeek will be ruined.

Tldr; idk if I should dirty bulk and then cut again (safely) or what??? I'm not rlly allowed to choose most of my meals. Or should I just maintain and drop out of treatment? Help.

  1. 1 month ago
    Anonymous
  2. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >hey, let's counter one eating disorder with another eating disorder!
    >what could possibly go wrong?

  3. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >last year I decided to "cut" and went from 136 to 85lbs
    that's a weird way to spell "starve yourself"
    >30+mins of cardio per day
    what good is cardio for "bulk"? you just burn calories, not build muscle

  4. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    You are misguided and attempting to shield your ED by using fitness terms. You are not cutting when you lose nearly half your bodyweight from an already healthy weight (bmi 23 at 136). You are literally mentally ill, gym bros understand that cutting isn't about bodyweight, it's about fat. You don't have to lose 50 goddamn pounds to get lean. Stay in treatment or end up with organ damage, weak bones, rotten teeth and probably a drug addiction. You are not one of us, you are a girl with anorexia

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I was really into lifting. I was lifting 6x a week getting big. I just ended up thinking really muscular girls looked weird and decided to cut a bit but ended up quitting lifting and went too far. I wanna get back into it now but not chubbymaxx.

  5. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    You can bulk your way instead of using seed oils if you insist, but you should actually bulk. Stay in treatment. You have an eating disorder. You aren’t a gymbro, ISTizen, or whatever else you want to call it.

  6. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Sorry, anon, but it seems like you're not even close to be ready for real life. Stay there and get really healthy. Not ED-''healthy''.
    Seed oil isn't unhealthy. Chicken and rice all the time isn't healthy.

  7. 1 month ago
    Anonymous
  8. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Listen to the other people in this thread. You will never experience life fully and happily while struggling with a eating disorder. Take your time and reflect on your situation and realize that being ED free is more fulfilling and healthy then your definition of health.

    I would recommend reading a book called "Sick Enough: A Guide to the Medical Complications of Eating Disorders" as it helped me greatly through my time in residential.

    Also I am surprised you were able to access the internet as my phone and everything else were confiscated other then a hour a week.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I'm in php now so I'm out of res. I can legally sign myself out of php now.

  9. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    anyone knows how to fix anorexia? i think i have it but i dont want to go to doctor. Is it possible to fix it so I will no longer have to think manually about eating and forcing every single meal down my throat?

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      There is no way to stop thinking about eating. Everyone thinks about eating, all you can do is figure out how to eat a healthy amount and distract yourself with other things in life.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        my man im consciously counting hours/minutes after meal and how much time I have till i have to force another meal into myself. When the time nears, I get more nervous by the minute, and during eating, I get nervous too. It takes me too long to chomp down a normal sized portion. I tried eating big meals, but it just doesnt work. I have to eat often and "smaller" portions (portions normal people eat) more often. My days are just me forcing myself from meal to meal in desperate attempt to escape auswitz mode. I dont believe Im such a pussy i cant eat or force some food into me. I refuse to believe this. Ive been forcing myself to eat alot, and i started putting on weight, but its the permanent reminding myself and forcing myself to eat that makes me insane. I have no apettite and I really dont feel hungry while on such regiment. I sit at the table and literally WANT to eat that motherfucking food as fast as possible and be done with it, so its not mental right? Its not about me NOT wanting to eat it, it just feels so fucking hard to eat, like my body is actively fighting it. And then, when im full of food, it just feels like im about to throw up or pass out, all while thinking the clock is ticking, and in 2 hours ill do this shit again. Please tell me this is not how everyone goes through life, I refuse to believe this is what everyone goes through...

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Hmm, sounds more like arfid instead of anorexia, anorexia is more of being afraid of weight gain or not wanting to gain weight. Arfid is more mental.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            thanks, ill look into it. how fucked am I? anyone got through this shit by themselves?

            • 1 month ago
              Anonymous

              I mean how bad is it? like is your health compromised? Are you losing a lot of weight? that's when it becomes a major problem. i mean it can be deadly tbh if you're not getting enuf nutrition. may want to see someone for it. I'd look into arfid and see if you have the symptoms.

              • 1 month ago
                Anonymous

                def. dont feel healthy anymore and got some symptoms... i dont want to be self-diagnosing doomer, but i really feel like something isnt right, so im coming to terms with that and looking for ways to fix my shit

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          That’s not what most people go through, no, not with that level of anxiety that you’re describing. I think about food whenever I’m not focused on anything else but I’m not afraid of it so much as I am afraid of what it might do to me.

  10. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    idk brah but u doing good keep it up

  11. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Listen here little baby. You're gonna get a lot of hurtful and degrading comments, but that ain't what I'm about. Let me just say, you are perfect the way you are. You hear me sugar? PERFECT. Don't ever change. You deserve anything and everything you want. Stay safe for me, baby girl.

    >mfw thinking about you hurting

  12. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    You sound mentally ill, probably you should listen to your doctors

  13. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    maybe stop being so fat fucking idiot

    jokes aside just start consuming mass gainer. at 115 you literally cannot lose. all the docs care about is calories so they will feed you cheap hospital food including sneed oils. ask for butter and meat

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